What’s The Bloody Difference Between Kosher Salt And Table Salt, You Donkey?

Food is symbolic of love when words are inadequate. — Alan D. Wolfelt.

Inferior cooks and under-seasoned dishes! Today, I’m going to teach you simpletons how to use kosher salt and table salt properly. And for God’s sake, don’t even think about serving this dish without a glass of a beautifully balanced Chardonnay. I recommend the 2018 Jordan Chardonnay from Alexander Valley, Sonoma County, with its hints of apple and vanilla. Let’s get started, shall we?

Laxfed’s Perfectly Seasoned Roasted Chicken

Ingredients:

• 1 whole chicken, about 4 pounds
• 3 tablespoons kosher salt
• 1 tablespoon table salt
• 1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 4 cloves of garlic, crushed
• 1 lemon, halved
• 2 sprigs of fresh rosemary
• 1 sprig of fresh thyme
• 1 sprig of fresh sage

Instructions:

Preparing the Chicken:

1. Preheat your oven to 425°F (220°C).
2. Rinse the chicken inside and out under cold water and pat it dry with paper towels.
3. Place the chicken on a cutting board and tuck the wings under the body. This will help the chicken cook more evenly.
4. Now here’s the crucial part, you donkey. In a small bowl, mix together the kosher salt, table salt, and black pepper. This mixture will ensure the chicken is perfectly seasoned with the right balance of flavors.

Seasoning the Chicken:

1. Drizzle the olive oil over the chicken and rub it all over the skin. Make sure to get into every nook and cranny.
2. Next, generously sprinkle the salt and pepper mixture all over the chicken. Don’t be stingy, you want to make sure every inch is seasoned perfectly.

Stuffing the Chicken:

1. Stuff the cavity of the chicken with the crushed garlic, lemon halves, and the fresh herbs. This will infuse the chicken with incredible flavors as it roasts.

Roasting the Chicken:

1. Place the chicken in a roasting pan and place it in the preheated oven.
2. Now, pay attention, you donkey! Roast the chicken for about 1 hour and 15 minutes, or until the skin is golden brown and the juices run clear when the thigh is pierced with a knife. The internal temperature should reach at least 165°F (74°C).

Resting the Chicken:

1. Once the chicken is cooked through, remove it from the oven and let it rest for at least 10 minutes. This is crucial, as it allows the juices to distribute evenly throughout the bird, resulting in a succulent and flavorful chicken.

Wine Pairing:

This deliciously seasoned roasted chicken pairs beautifully with a glass of 2018 Jordan Chardonnay. Its crisp acidity and subtle oak notes will complement the flavors of the chicken and elevate the dining experience to a whole new level.

Bon Appetit

If you’ve seasoned your roasted chicken without turning it into a bland, flavorless bird that even a hungry cat would disdain, then you’re on the path to poultry perfection. Craving more culinary adventures that elevate the humble chicken to new heights of deliciousness? Hit that subscribe button for a journey through the world of seasoning sensations. And if you’ve discovered a seasoning blend that transforms your roasted chicken into a savory masterpiece, please, share your culinary secrets in the comments. Or, perhaps in the spirit of savory satisfaction, it’s best to quietly enjoy your seasoned chicken, knowing that sometimes the simplest recipes are the most satisfying.