What’s That Buzzing In My Hair?

Will I ever be able to get a hair cut?

I have big hair. I have always have. And now that I’m unable to see my hairdresser, it’s even bigger. If that’s possible!

When my kids were younger they could spot me in the auditorium by my poofy hair. And now my grandchildren to the same.

I can’t even tell you how many times someone has asked me if I put my finger in a light socket. The owner of that remark always thinks he made it up.

Please.

Or the one about how my hair would make a good bird’s nest.

Well, up until the other day, the taunts where just that. Flippant words spewed at me by some jokester classmate or unrelenting cousin.

And then it happened.

I was innocently minding my own business, talking on my cell phone when along came this Japanese beetle, dipping and diving in that clumsy manner known to their species. Her wings fluttered showing off her iridescent beauty.

Yes, they are a lovely insect when looked at from afar. Which is where they should stay.

Not this one. She decided she liked, no loved, my electric hair. And wasn’t about to give up until she had nestled in her destination.

After a few shrieks, batting at the air, dropping my phone, I ran inside. Thinking, of course, that I had seen the last of that persistent creature.

Twenty minutes later, I heard a buzzing inside my hair! Actually, it sounded as if it was under my scalp.

I did what any normal middle-aged Gruber driver would do. I freaked out! I shook my head, swatting at my hair with my hands, while my daughter did what any good daughter would do, shrieked and ordered me outside.

After shaking my head obsessively for the next ten minutes, without any trace of the beetle, I decided it was safe to go back in the house.

The question was: where did the darn thing go?

We received our answer several minutes later when it startled my mom by buzzing around the kitchen drain.

Being the animal rights activist that I am, I rescued the beetle and set her free, thinking, hoping that I had seen the last of her.

But like I said she was persistent.

The next day while sitting at my desk, I heard a buzzing outside my window. She was flying into the glass, over and over again. Had she left something in my hair? Some precious eggs, perhaps?

My mind jumped from that thought to all those years ago when there had been a lice epidemic at my kids’ elementary school. And then further back to when I myself had lice as an eight-year-old with thick, bushy hair that was impossible to get through with that special teeny-toothed comb.

I couldn’t stop scratching my head. There was nothing rational about my thinking. After washing it several times that day, I once again ventured outside.

There was my beetle, this time with a few of her friends. She had taken a liking to my roses and my hair was no longer an attractive nesting place.

Still, if I can’t get to my hairdresser in the next month, I may have to rely on a family member to tame up my hair.

On second thought, I think I’ll take my chances with the beetles.

Thanks for reading!