What’s Not Italian!
A Few Things to Beware Of When Visiting Italy
Americans are out in force this summer in Italy — freedom! Italians are very welcoming in general, and even more so after the loss of income due to covid. They will meet you with open arms and mostly passable English. That said, there are a few pitfalls to avoid to ensure your trip comes off as you hoped.
Restaurant expectations — good food, but where’s the server?
Of its many virtues, food and wine are of the highest order in Italy. No need to worry; unless you are on the most touristy of streets, the food or drink seldom disappoints. Service is a different story.
Americans are used to servers hovering and able to meet their smallest request. That is not the case in Italy.
Many restaurants have significantly fewer servers per guest than is common in the U.S. They are paid salaries and do not depend on tips for their living. Their motivation is to take your order and bring your food; don’t expect much more than that.
With so many guests to serve, they will get to you eventually, but if you expect things subito (immediately in Italian), think again. This fact becomes even more evident, paradoxically, when it is time to pay — suddenly it seems like they’ve all disappeared! If you want your check, you may have to ask — then wait some more!
Corollary #1 Since servers don’t depend on tips to live, you don’t have to leave 15–20% to ensure their pleasant goodbyes.
Cultural protocols— banish anger and rudeness from your toolbox — and follow the rules!
Americans have gotten used to complaining to get their way. It is not unheard of to express displeasure in restaurants, hotels, or other places in Italy. But it is unheard of to act rudely or angry. It is literally foreign to them.
Restaurant servers have a history of acting like a food issue is the fault of the guest, not the establishment. They have gotten better about changing the plate or even removing something from the bill. However, if you express things too vigorously, you may be asked to leave.
Protocol corollary #1- Even more hazardous than your hotel or restaurant is to express hostility or anger to anyone with authority, like a police officer, customs agent, airport agents, or anyone who could make your life really difficult.
Protocol corollary #2- Italians are rule-driven, contrary to misconceptions that la dolce vita means anything goes. There is no middle way — there is their way…or else. If you are told you must do something, you must do it. And if you express hostility, hesitancy, or anger, you are at risk of ugly consequences.
Alcohol consumption and driving
You’ve heard the stories about how Italians start consuming alcohol soon after they take their first steps and that “water is for cows”. Forget these stories!
Italians have strict drunk driving regulations these days. In some cases, the blood alcohol limits are stricter than those in the US.
From these premises, it follows…A rules-based society, combined with strict drunk driving laws, means you do not want to be stopped for traffic infractions if you have had much of anything to drink. Not unlike other places, setting up speed traps in surprising places is not unusual. And realize that while police officers may tolerate minor issues, they are mostly no-nonsense.
Language and jokes
It’s another country; get used to the fact they speak a different language. As stated, many Italians speak some amount of English. They do appreciate it when you make an effort to speak their language. But misunderstandings are not the exception, they are frequent.
After some rigorous study, I thought I would impress a restaurant server by saying we enjoyed the pizza in Italian. When I said “Godiamo la pizza”, he looked shocked, then said it was “vulgary”. After consulting some experts, I learned that the verb “godere” has two uses, one of which connotes sexual pleasure.
And it is not hard to be insulting without intending to be so. When an Italian acquaintance made several funny comments, I consulted my Italian/English dictionary and said he was “buffo”. He was highly insulted since it can connote a clown or idiot.
By all means, try using some Italian words while there. Saying “Grazie” (graz-e-a or Graz-a, slurred) or “Grazie Mille” is appreciated. Don’t be ashamed when you goof. But be careful with new expressions and jokes can be treacherous!
It’s their country and you are a guest
We all want to have a good time on vacation and feeling like we can drop our inhibitions is natural. But there are limits.
Being drunk and loud is not welcome by establishments or by other guests. Italians are for the most part very polite and engaging, therefore,
Guest corollary - Being polite and kind to others is expected, not the exception.
Take home message -Imagine that you are at a friend’s house as their guest. That thought should govern your conduct in all venues.
La Dolce Vita
It’s a real attitude and few people enjoy life as Italians. Their interpretation is to enjoy the beauty of life, but “party down dude”, not so much.
Buon Viaggio!