Culture. Society.

What’s It Like To Live In The Country Where “Fat” and “Ugly” Women Are Banned From Having Fun

It is okay to suffer as long as you appeal to men in all possible senses.

Women are expected to appeal to men in all possible senses.

Beauty requires sacrifice — I’ve been told quite often by my own parents. Almost every Eastern European girl once in her lifetime hears from their female relatives that it is necessary to suffer uncomfortable high heels and restrictive diets as long as it delivers results — looking beautiful.

This is a message which a lot of women don’t question. Being skinny is at the heart of the Eastern European beauty ideal, and fat-phobia exists on all levels of society: from schools to family to the healthcare system to the endlessly objectifying images in advertising and the media.

Last year when I visited Moscow my friend wasn’t let in the nightclub because she didn’t “pass” the face control screening.

What is face control?

Face control is the practice of not letting a woman into a club, bar or another venue if she isn’t good looking enough. When I say good-looking I mean beautiful. And when I say beautiful, I mean “slim”.

My friend expected to be scrutinized on the entry but she somehow hoped that she would be let off the hook. Not in Russia, she won’t. She has been on the keto diet for four months. When I say keto diet, I mean she was starving herself.

That’s what she told me later that evening.

The bouncer could care less. I tried to use my negotiating skills and talk her way in.

“Well, she is dressed sexy enough, isn’t she?”

“The clothes look too tight because she is fat. I am not letting her in and if you try to pressure me you can go with her straight to KFC or wherever you came from”, the bouncer was barely restraining a smirk.

Wow. Ouch. What?

That hurt.

I wished to answer him back and just as I was about to say something mean to this inhumane creature my friend took me by the hand and pulled me away.

On our way to “KFC”, my friend told me that Russian bouncers apparently instigated such barbarism because there are so many more women in Moscow than there are men, and they’re all out on the prowl. You need to keep the numbers down and you don’t want your club filling up with ugly and fat women.

Such is the often brutal vagaries of Moscow face control, a culture of quick-draw aesthetics that is both humiliating and exhilarating, depending on which end of the bouncers' gaze you fall. Looks and attitude are all weighed and ranked in a few seconds, along with a more ephemeral sense of whether you belong in the club that night.

It’s impossible to know what the face control rules are. A young guy in a presentable woollen coat and a fresh-from-the-barber haircut is sent away without explanation. A minute later, a corpulent man of short stature is allowed in, followed by two women in sneakers and wide silver-coloured pants. Foreigners are lurking around the VIP entrance. Can you make sense of it?

Your fate lies in the hands of the bouncer. The questions are rising in your mind: “ Will they let me in? Will I be humiliated, turned away? Why wasn’t I born beautiful?”

Russia is no place for insecure, fat and ugly women.

But most importantly Russia is no place for real women either.

There have been certain movements recently in Russia which promoted body positivity in Russia such as the #AllIsFineWithMe or “Women are Not Dolls” initiative.

At the same time, these movements are also part of a much bigger cultural shift: one which sees younger generations standing up for equal rights for women, the LGBTQ+ community, disabled people and people of colour.

But unfortunately, feminism remains a dirty word and body hair and belly rolls are considered an offence to society.

There are those women who have been living under oppression for too long and have gotten used to the expectations of society and have become spiteful when they see that somewhere else can be different.

A Russian columnist wrote “It is true that there are many fat people in Manchester. Local young women don’t mind when fat hangs down from their stomach and body — and they don't fit into their jeans.”

She even went that far as to suggest that fat women turn men gay. Now, I would laugh if it wasn’t too offensive.

I can understand what a culture shock it must have been to see that women are actually allowed to wear leggings and feel comfortable during the daylight. I’ve seen some of them even wearing flip-flops and eating lots in KFC.

But unfortunately, I can also relate to this columnist. I’ve been there. I have visited Manchester and it is a fact that the ladies are radiating with body positivity.

It’s different, perhaps freer?

It tolerates women in all colours and shapes and sizes.

There has been always a stigma surrounding overweight people. The worst that can happen to a woman is not to be deprived of rights, education, marry an alcoholic, be in danger of violence — but gaining weight and then becoming a second-rate object.

No way, I would rather marry an alcoholic!

I often strive towards body positivity and encourage the attitude that “looks” don’t matter (especially my sister who has given birth)but then there moments when I catch myself judging the 35-year-old woman who dyed her hair pink and wears leggings for a date night.

Or that girl whose belly fat does really stick out and I just don’t want to watch it.

I mean how can she not pull her pants up? Who let her out, right? Where is my Moscow bouncer to teach her some manners?

He would understand...

It is extremely hard to break from the roots of expectations. From the roots of the patriarchy and from yourself.

But every step matters.

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