What’s in Your Mental Health Toolkit?

I started my blog in 2017 to share “my life’s broken pieces sprinkled with silver lining perspective.” From the get go, I knew I also wanted to share “the broken pieces of other women’s stories sprinkled with silver lining perspective.” This is the first in a 2020 monthly series titled “What’s in Your Toolkit?” where up to three (3) women will share ONE item (a value, book, principle, role model, song, etc) in their life’s toolkit and how the tool has helped in navigating through the toolkit theme of the month. My hope is that as you read the stories of other women and humans just like you, you’d be encourage to build up your own toolkit, adopt their tools for your kit and/or to pay attention to the tools you already have and how you can use them to navigate successfully through life.

“What’s in Your Toolkit? starts this month, and February’s theme is MENTAL HEALTH!

Mental Health/men-tl helthh noun psychological well-being and satisfactory adjustment to society and to the ordinary demands of life.

When it comes to mental health, I have found that self-care has been overcommercialized and the general public is convinced that organizing an afternoon at the salon or eating that piece of chocolate is curing mental health. In my opinion, it’s a temporary fix and we have simply avoided dealing with the problem. I’ve experienced avoidance for years. I’ve found multiple ways to dilute the pain and frustrations around the connections I was trying to cultivate. I was paralyzed by exclusion and my insecurities blossomed around new friends. I craved a solution but muddled it with buying new clothes, binge eating my favorite things, or watching Netflix.

Though the turning point in the story is that, dare I say it, Netflix freed me from so much social pain. One evening, I found myself entrapped with an episode of Black Mirror. The episode illustrated how relationships were on a timer, each person sporting a digital device that notified them how long the relationship would last. After that, I started to reflect on my previous friendships. They became more than a falling out, but more so, a destined-to-end lesson. The idea that my friendships were on a timer offered gratitude for the time spent together. From smiling at someone briefly on a street to growing in communion with my husband, I now appreciate the time I may have with each person. And when that time ends, I look back to learn from the mistakes, the misjudgments, the joy or challenges that made me the woman I am today.

I’ve used the concept of a “timer” on my relationships to help me create boundaries, let go of grudges, and enjoy my time with others. I’ve learned that I don’t have to be friends with everyone I meet or force something that might not be there. I don’t have to clutter myself with relationships that don’t serve me any longer. It’s this shift in mindset that I’ve been granted the freedom to enjoy the space I share with others.

I am a Christian woman, and my life has been shaped by my faith which is the driver of my toolkit along with balance. I am currently reading The Power of a Praying Woman by Stormie Omartian. It’s a book that I’ve read before but I find myself going back to it especially during this winter season as most of us have made New Year’s Resolutions and goals we wish to accomplish in 2020. It also features prayers for women to say out loud just in case they may stumble or need help praying. It encourages women to keep striving for the things and life they want but to also never neglect God during our hard times especially. There is a prayer in this book for any situation and can also be used as a daily devotional.

There you have it, guys!

A “timer” on relationships and prayer are the two of the many mental health tools these amazing women have in their individual toolkits. I am not familiar with the book Olamide shared, but as a Christian, I believe in the power of prayer. Prayer is talking to/with God and it makes for a dynamic therapy session. LOL! Prayer is a POWERFUL tool for gaining peace, perspective and clarity…all essential for our mental health.

Leah’s tool surprised me, but it didn’t feel unfamiliar. I believe people come and go in our lives! There is power in fighting for a friendship and relationship, AND it is also equally powerful to have both the strength and agency to let go when a season ends, because seasons do end. Leah’s “timer” tool reminds me to value my connections, enjoy them, be present in them and for them, and to not be afraid to let things that have run their course go. I will be chewing on her words for a while!

Okay, your turn!

What are you thoughts on Leah’s relationship “timer” in staying present and guarding mental health around friendship, and the tool and power of prayer that Olamide uses during hard times or a big transitions seasons to boost her mental health. Let me know in the comment section.

PS: Last week, I shared five (5) items in my toolkit.

Originally published at https://www.adeolafadumiye.com on February 4, 2020.