What’s in Me for It?

What is your giving quotient (GQ)?

An executive friend of mine was exploring new career opportunities within his current organization. Many of his friends were encouraging him to ask for what he wanted. I told him,

“What you want is only half of the story. You must also ask your boss how your skills and interests will best benefit the company”.

On the eve of his marriage ceremony, I once asked a new groom, “What’s in you for this marriage?”

The question surprised him because he had been preoccupied with a cost/benefit analysis of that big life event.

How do we focus on what we give, not just what we get?

We let go of attachment

In a recent team-building exercise, I commented to senior executives,

“Instead of asking what your team is giving to you, ask what you can give back to other members in your regional group.”

Legendary NBA coach Phil Jackson of Chicago Bulls and LA Lakers fame discusses the importance of giving in his book “Sacred Hoops.”

When he started coaching the Bulls, he had a team of superstars like Pippen and Jordan. But the team was not consistently winning championship titles.

One of Jackson’s first tasks was to sell the team on the virtue and practice of being less selfish. He told them, in effect,

“The name of the team is on the front of the jersey. Your name is on the back.”

Try tightly grasping a coin in your hand and simultaneously attempt to pick up some new object with that hand. Impossible. So, too, we restrict our capacity to relish life by grasping onto relationships and things.

Poet Robert Blake wrote

He who binds himself to a Joy

Does the winged life destroy;

He who kisses the Joy as it flies,

Lives in Eternity’s sunrise.

We live with gratitude for what we have.

Occasionally, we find ourselves astonished at the goodness of life.

Most of the time, however, we wander through life with little gratitude. We fail to notice the beauty of the countryside or the kindness of others.

We can spend most of our reflective time focusing on the past, especially the future, without genuinely being in the present. As John Lennon cogently noted in one of his songs: “Life is what happens to you while you’re making other plans.”

Yesterday, I heard from a friend who is living with a family member with Alzheimer’s. As he talked about the difficulties of living with a person with this disease, I felt both a surge of compassion for him as well as gratitude that I have so much.

Life seems to fly by the older I get. I cannot stop that flight and make time stand still, return to the good old days, or stop the pace of progress.

I can stop to kiss the Joy that flies by, savor the moment, and live as fully as possible in the present.

We give back where we can

In the “What’s in it for me?” generation, I ask myself occasionally, “What have I given lately?”

A marked characteristic of persons who have a near-death experience is that they go through a life review.

Here the focus is on the impact that their actions had on others.

The core question we all will face is

“How well have you loved?”

The question “What’s in me for it?” takes us off the automatic pilot of self-seeking.

It pushes us from a self to another focus and from an extrinsic to an intrinsic motivation.

The deep satisfaction that comes from giving back to a community, mentoring others, and being mindful of the impact of our kind words throughout the day can be a source of deep fulfillment and encouragement to others.

What’s in you for others?

Please share the fulfillment you have found in increasing your GQ