Whatever You Do, Don’t Watch ‘Contagion’

The actual news of a global pandemic is bad enough without watching a movie about one

The Centers for Disease Control said the coronavirus will likely spread to the U.S. and that “this could be bad.”

So naturally, I decided to stream Contagion, Steven Soderbergh’s star-studded 2011 medical thriller about a deadly virus that kills millions. It’s a movie full of celebrities coughing to death as emergency responders in Hazmat suits stare on helplessly. The movie doesn’t even spare Gwyneth Paltrow, who croaks from a mysterious superflu in the first ten minutes.

Spoiler alert.

The make-believe virus of Contagion and the real-life coronavirus even have the same origin: China. Since December, it has spread to other countries like Iran, Italy and South Korea, infecting 80,000. Of those who have gotten sick, 3000 have died.

The U.S. has confirmed 14 cases from people who have been to China or been in contact with someone who has been to that country. Apparently, it’s going to get worse.

Americans should prepare for “significant disruption” to their lives, said Nancy Messonnier, director of the National Center for Immunization and Respiratory Diseases. “It’s not so much a question of if this will happen anymore but more of exactly when,” she said.

The blunt talk from government officials felt shocking since they’ve previously been more measured in their warnings. And then, of course, there’s what the President of the United States has been saying, which I’ll get to in a moment.

This is all scary news.

I guess when it comes to panic I’m a “go big or go home” sort of guy. I couldn’t get enough of Contagion’s apocalypse porn. I wanted more scenes of scientists looking worried and lingering shots of physical contact between people to show how the virus jumps. The illness itself starts out with a sniffle and then quickly transforms into Stephen King’s The Stand, his classic novel about the survivors of a pestilence that wipes out most life on earth.

And I’m not the only person revisiting this esteemed epidemic epic: Contagion cracked the iTunes Top 10 this month, alongside Oscar-winners like Parasite and Once Upon A Time In Hollywood.

Anyway, my fingers are currently stinging from hand sanitizer as I type this. I don’t know why I decided to take time out of my afternoon to re-watch Contagion. My fears are hungry and they want to be fed.

Let me get this out of the way: Contagion is a fast-paced, fact-based thriller. Soderbergh is utterly ruthless as he tells a story about mortals cursed by a near-Biblical plague. The movie is cold-hearted but human. He really is one of our least sentimental filmmakers and I don’t think he’s appreciated enough for bringing documentary-style intimacy and vulnerability to his dramas and comedies.

It’s a really good movie, okay?

I liked Contagion when it came out. A lot. I remember thinking “wow that’s scary but it will probably never happen.” And now I’m afraid it actually might happen. To be fair, I had that thought during the SARS and swine flu outbreaks. I was also convinced I’d get Ebola, even though that disease was mostly isolated to West Africa. But the CDC wasn’t telling us to get ready for some real shit then.

I know I shouldn’t freak out. Here’s a pretty great article from The Atlantic about the virus, actually. It helped to read. While I’m linking, check out the CDC’s page about the coronavirus. There’s almost too much information out there but most of it doesn’t conceal the truth that the highly-communicable virus has not been contained and that a vaccine has not been developed.

But what scared me the most was the movie’s assumption that the U.S. government is competent

Contagion is a fictional worst-case scenario about the complete breakdown of society and it’s sobering, to say the least. The riot scenes are disturbing, especially when a man tackles a woman to steal an army meal-ready-to-eat she was lucky to be given. It’s also scary like a horror movie. The sudden death of one of the main characters really kicked me in the bells.

But what scared me the most was the movie’s assumption that the U.S. government is competent. The scientists and bureaucrats and military leaders are all smart, principled and good at their jobs. Some of them make immense sacrifices. Ultimately, they are overwhelmed by a staggering disaster beyond their control. Humans are powerless before such acts of God.

This was upsetting because while our own real-world infectious disease experts were speaking out about the realities of a potential pandemic, the President of the United States was contradicting them while on a trip to India. During a press conference, he assured Americans that the virus is “very well under control.”

When that dude opens his mouth, Slinkies spill out.

Meanwhile, economic advisor Larry Kudlow incorrectly stated the U.S. has contained the coronavirus and that that economy is in “good shape.” There are reports that the President is mostly concerned with the effect the virus will have on the stock market. This is a man who not only cut funding to the CDC but also famously quarreled with his own climatologists on the direction of a hurricane.

“Things are bad but things are great” is a terrifying and incoherent message from those in power. If they can’t coordinate on an honest answer to simple questions about the potential pandemic then how are they going to protect the nation? I suppose there are thousands of government personnel who are professionals but it would help if the guys at the top thought a little before they spoke.

In Contagion 2, the government is incompetent, I guess. It shocks me that the America of 2011 had faith in its institutions. Welcome to 2020: the clowns in charge don’t know what the fuck they’re doing.

Maybe I shouldn’t have watched the movie. I don’t know. Because of it, I did buy three cans of Dinty Moore Beef Stew at the grocery store today so maybe that’s a good thing? I had considered putting on 12 Monkeys, another movie about a lethal airborne virus, but I remember it being a little less realistic. Less prescient. Contagion gets so much right, especially for a movie that’s almost ten years old. It understands that the modern world is defined by its interconnectedness, which brings both prosperity and danger.

Contagion is especially on point when it’s clear that a blogger peddling misinformation played by Jude Law is a bigger asshole than the virus.