What You Haven’t Yet Learned

A letter to my past self

Dear 26-year-old Slow train,

You’ve done so much. You took your future into your own hands and you resisted those that wanted to hold you back, even when those people were important to you. Bravo! It takes guts to go after what you want and pursue a path no one around you understands.

You think you’ve figured out a lot, and you have. But, you also have a lot to learn. Don’t get bogged down in thinking some things are set in stone now. They aren’t. A lot can happen in the next 60 years.

At 26, you are still just beginning.

Even though you’ve fought an internal battle to accept yourself, you haven’t yet learned to let go of those who don’t. You’ve accepted the bare minimum from other people for too long.

Their abuse is not a sign of what you’re worth, but a reflection of who they are. Trust people when they show you they’re not worthy of your time. See what you could learn from the situation and move on.

You are not stupid for believing someone was better than what they were.

Soon, your world is going to be flipped. You’re going to meet someone who will challenge all your assumptions about what a family could look like. Embrace it. Embrace him. Not everyone is out to get you. Some people are wonderful surprises that add to your life without taking anything away. Some people multiply joy.

Know that you’re not silly for thinking things really are different this time. They are. In the future, you are going to be holding his hand as you give birth to your daughter.

You’re a strong, brave, smart woman. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. Don’t spend so much time worrying about how things will turn out. In ten years, all of the bullshit from your 20's will fade and you will be happier than you could have imagined.

Yours truly,

Future Slow train