RELATIONSHIPS | REALITY TV | LIFE LESSONS
Learning From Love is Blind and Married at First Sight
Enjoying and learning from the drama-fueled married-to-a- stranger shows.
I’m not a big fan of reality TV, however, I make exceptions for my guilty pleasures of the marrying-a-stranger shows. The two I watch are the very popular Married at First Sight and Love is Blind.
In case you are not familiar, MAFS gathers a bunch of people who are willing to let relationship experts match them based on questionnaires, interviews, and other factors. The first time the couples see each other is at the altar. The rest of the episodes are about them going on a honeymoon and then living together. At the end of eight weeks, they decide whether to stay married or get a divorce.
LIB features singles having multiple dates with a variety of people inside pods where they cannot see each other. If a love connection is made, they get engaged before ever having seen each other. The rest of the episodes feature the couples getting to know each other, living together, and about a month later, walking down the aisle where each person has to decide whether to say “I do,” or “I do not.”
These shows are wildly popular and for good reason. The drama is built-in to the situation and is something most people can, if not relate to, imagine relating to. How bizarrely awkward would it feel to have just married a stranger and the next day you are in a tropical paradise brushing your teeth and climbing into bed with them?
The participants are not only learning to live with a stranger but have camera crews following them around, potentially filming their every move for 12 hours a day. If you have a bad day, an argument, or lose your sh&% under all the pressure, you can bet it will be broadcast so millions of people can watch and discuss on the internet.
As a viewer, I want to believe the stories I’m watching are basically true, but I also want to believe in flying dragons. I know that creative editing can make almost anyone look good or bad and there is always at least one person who ends up looking really bad. I’m willing to accept that and enjoy the romance and drama anyway. I personally watch these shows because deep down inside I am a romantic. I want to believe these couples can fall in love quickly, work out any differences and live happily ever after.
The fights, the slights, the communication style and background differences lead to plenty of drama and some incidents that are like a train wreck — you want to look away but just can’t. The shows are good entertainment, but I think there is much to be learned from them. Here are some of the top lessons that can be gleaned from all the romance and struggles.
Be Respectful This should be obvious, but apparently treating people with respect is not something that comes naturally to everyone. Whether or not the person is someone you just met and are finding you don’t always agree with, they are still a human being with feelings.
Behaviors from the shows that would count as not being respectful include implying or outright saying that the person is not attractive or is not intelligent, making fun of their looks or actions, lying, cheating, and getting caught in a lie and continuing to lie about it. This isn’t kindergarten. If you get caught, own it.
Women Can Be Cruel You’d think as a lesbian, I would be aware that women can be heartless, but the reality is I am constantly surprised at the callousness of many of the women on these shows. I find I generally have more sympathy for the male participants than the women. I’m not sure if it is just the type of women that are attracted to being on these shows, but wow, some of these women are real b-words.
My straight friends have often told me that men are far less complicated than women, meaning what you see is what you get. I know that is not always true, but on LAFS and LIB, that seems to often be the case. Some of these women act like they are perfect and expect the man to bow down to their every whim and change for them. It’s both sad and disgusting.
Both Partners Should Romance the Other I have also been surprised to see that on these shows, it is almost always the man making romantic gestures and planning surprises. Why should the man be the only one working on making his partner feel special? Shouldn’t the woman also go out of her way to make sure her man knows he’s special? There’s nothing in the two X chromosomes that make a woman incapable of planning a picnic.
Perhaps it is because I’m in a same-sex relationship, so society does not clearly define our roles for us, but I find this really unfair. Maybe this is a societal expectation, the man courting the woman, but come on! Everyone likes it when someone goes out of their way to do something nice for them.
Get Out of Your Comfort Zone It’s wonderful when someone tries an activity their partner wants to do, even if it is uncomfortable for them. Maybe they aren’t much into sports or hiking, but they don the gear and try it anyway because it is important to the other person. On the shows, you can see the delight, even pride, on the person’s face when their partner engages is something that is a stretch for them. Relationships are about growing together and sharing experiences. Refusing to compromise and try new things is closing the door on great opportunities to bond. It’s also selfish.
Control Your Drinking This is another piece of common-sense advice, but people should not have important discussions after they’ve been drinking alcohol. People also need to know their limits. The show has illustrated this rule multiple times. It’s an easy mistake — something has been bothering one of them, they have a few drinks and loosen up, next thing you know, there’s a huge blow-up with one or both people saying things they later regret. On the show, this is often filmed, or the aftermath is, where one person is confessing things to a friend rather than talking it out with their partner, who might not even be talking to them anymore.
Reality shows are fun for entertainment, but they can also be educational. I don’t expect that PBS will be airing the next big married-to-a-stranger show anytime soon, but we can still seek lessons from the mistakes of others, even on commercial television and streaming services. I’m sure there are more lessons illustrated by Married at First Sight and Love is Blind beyond those I have listed. Maybe I will let you know after doing some more research.
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