Summary

A school project challenges students to rewrite Roald Dahl's poem "Television" to critique the Internet and suggest alternatives, emphasizing the value of reading and imagination.

Abstract

The article discusses a creative assignment given to ninth-grade students, including the author's daughter, to parody Roald Dahl's poem "Television" by targeting the Internet instead. The original poem advocates for reading books over watching television, questioning whether this advice remains relevant in the digital age. The adapted poem, which now addresses the pervasive use of smartphones and the Internet, warns of the potential negative effects on children's minds, such as rotting the sense, killing imagination, and making them dull and blind to fantasy. It suggests that without the Internet, children could return to reading books, which stimulate their minds with tales of adventure and wonder. The poem humorously suggests that despite initial resistance, children will eventually embrace reading and appreciate the removal of their digital distractions.

Opinions

The Internet, like television in Dahl's poem, is seen as a detriment to children's intellectual and imaginative development.
It is believed that the Internet keeps children sedentary and distracted, preventing them from engaging in more enriching activities like reading.
The article implies that reading books is a superior alternative to Internet use, fostering imagination and intellectual growth.
There is a concern that constant exposure to the Internet can lead to a loss of cognitive abilities and a preference for passive consumption of media.
The author suggests that despite initial protests, children will come to enjoy reading once they are weaned off their Internet dependency.
The poem satirizes modern parenting, where devices are used to keep children occupied, at the cost of their creative and intellectual development.

What Would You Do If The Net Was Cut Off?

How do I rewrite this iconic poem?

Roald Dahl’s “Television” is in my daughter’s school syllabus. Photos by the author.

My thirteen-year-old daughter has been given a project at school: to rewrite the poem Television by Roald Dahl, as a parody, so that it targets “The Internet” instead of television.

In the original poem, Dahl asks us to make kids avoid the television and instead read books.

Does that still work? Chuck the Internet, read books instead?

What do you think? What ought kids do if we disconnect the Wi-Fi?

What will I do if I disconnect the Wi-Fi! Ought I read as well? (Probably not. I read so much, it is sloth.) Maybe I should cook? Or maybe I should Mary Kondo my home.

She isn’t the only kid with the project. All one hundred and fifty students in the ninth grade have to create a poem parody dissing the Internet and suggesting alternatives.

Television by Roald Dahl, adapted for today’s smartphones.

The most important thing we’ve learned, So far as children are concerned, Is never, NEVER, NEVER let them own Any kind of mobile phone Or better still, don’t install a cellular plan at all

(In almost every house we’ve been, We’ve watched them gaping at a screen. They loll and slop and lounge about, And stare until their eyes pop out. (Last week in someone’s place we saw Scrolling thumbs severed and on the floor.)

They sit and stare and stare and sit Until they’re hypnotized by it, Until they’re absolutely drunk With all that shocking ghastly junk.

Oh yes, we know it keeps them still, They don’t climb out the window sill They never fight or kick or punch, They leave you free to cook the lunch And wash the dishes in the sink - But did you ever stop to think,

To wonder just exactly what This does to your beloved tot?

IT ROTS THE SENSE IN THE HEAD! IT KILLS IMAGINATION DEAD! IT CLOGS AND CLUTTERS UP THE MINDI IT MAKES A CHILD SO DULL AND BLIND HE CAN NO LONGER UNDERSTAND A FANTASY, A FAIRYLAND! HIS BRAIN BECOMES AS SOFT AS CHEESE! HIS POWERS OF THINKING RUST AND FREEZE! HE CANNOT THINK — HE ONLY SEES!

‘All right!’ you’ll cry. ‘All right!’ you’ll say, “But if we take the phone away, What shall we do to entertain Our darling children? Please explain!’

We’ll answer this by asking you, What used the darling ones to do? ‘How used they keep themselves contented Before this monster was invented?’ Have you forgotten? Don’t you know? We’ll say it very loud and slow:

THEY .. USED .. TO .. READ! They’d READ and READ, AND READ and READ, and then proceed To READ some more. Great Scott! Gadzooks! One half their lives was reading books! The nursery shelves held books galore! Books cluttered up the nursery floor!

And in the bedroom, by the bed, More books were waiting to be read! Such wondrous, fine, fantastic tales Of dragons, gypsies, queens, and whales And treasure isles, and distant shores Where smugglers rowed with muffled oars,

And pirates wearing purple pants, And sailing ships and elephants, And cannibals crouching ‘round the pot, Stirring away at something hot. (It smells so good, what can it be? Good gracious, it’s Penelope.)

The younger ones had Beatrix Potter With Mr. Tod, the dirty rotter And Squirrel Nutkin, Pigling Bland, And Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle and- Just How The Camel Got His Hump, And How the Monkey Lost His Rump,

And Mr. Toad, and bless my soul, There’s Mr. Rat and Mr. Mole- Oh, books, what books they used to know, Those children living long ago! So please, oh please, we beg, we pray, Give your Internet plan away,

And in its place you can install A lovely bookshelf on the wall. Then fill it up with books and books, Ignoring all the dirty looks, The screams and yells, the bites and kicks, And children hitting you with sticks-

Fear not, because we promise you That, in about a week or two Of having nothing else to do, They’ll now begin to feel the need Of having something to read.

And once they start — oh boy, oh boy! You watch the slowly growing joy That fills their hearts. They’ll grow so keen They’ll wonder what they’d ever seen In that brain-numbing machine,

That Radiating foul, unclean, Repulsive smartphone screen! And later, each and every kid Will love you more for what you did.