avatarMichele Maize

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What Would Usually Put Me in a Funk, Brought Me Out of One

Although, shawty, it’s roasting like a hot July

Willie the Elf — Photo Credit: Michele Maize

I’m not sure what is going around these days but one day I’m in a funk, and the next day I’m whistling around the house. I feel happy about the direction my sober life is going and the next, I wonder what the hell I am doing.

As the holidays draw near, I remember old feelings from the past.

The holidays weren’t particularly fun for me growing up, as a whole. So, I tried recreating Christmas magic later in life with my family and it was good while the kids were younger.

But, as they started to get older, thinking of a new trick for Willie the Elf to do made me wackily resent Christmas a little more every year. I sandwiched myself into this position because I once did love it.

I loved shopping, creating magic, moving the elf around, decorating, baking, and all the other things that can come with the holidays. Hot cocoa and driving around town looking at Christmas lights in our matching pajamas was a fam favorite, mine included.

Year after year trying to make a new Christmas magic for myself, and masking any reason to not like Christmas, just made me loathe the thought of when the holidays were coming.

The holidays are so much work. Well, for the ones that do the work, which in that case in my house, is me.

Everyone else here loves Christmas because they just get to show up. I began to resent my family for this but why? I am the one who created this magic, the magic where they get to enjoy all of my hard work.

Since Santa left the house many years ago, the downfall of my Christmas magic began.

Ghosts of Christmas Past — Photo Credit: Michele Maize

But this year, I decided that we need to start a new narrative. Everyone is going to help. They are all adults around here so if they love Christmas so much, they were about to be in on it all.

So, we suited up, and headed over to Target for a tree-smelling candle, in order to get the Christmas spirit going and put up our fake tree. We’ve had this tree almost their entire childhood and will keep it as long as it lasts.

A tree without a topper — Photo Credit: Michele Maize

Although, damn Southern California and our gorgeous weather, sometimes I’d like for it to be crisp and chilly during the holidays. Thankfully our old house doesn’t have great insulation, so it was still a tad bit chilly even though we were decorating the house in our t-shirts while listening to my favorite Christmas music from Justin Beiber.

Don’t hate.

With you, shawty, with you With you, shawty, with you With you, under the mistletoe

Forest Fir — Photo Credit: Michele Maize

Having my family smiling all in one place, singing along to corny holiday music, and retelling all of our favorite Willie moments made me realize one thing…

All of my blood, sweat, and tears surrounding the magic I created for Christmas was worth it. Although I might have been stacking resentments because of it, just hearing the joy in their voices when they described different memories made me think, “What funk?”

The funk lifted, and maybe it’ll carry on into tomorrow as I pass by the decorations that we all put up together. I’ll remember that the magic I created has stayed with them, in their memories.

The funk lifted when I felt appreciated and loved.

This chick is cold — Photo Credit: Michele Maize

Each little decoration serves as a memory reminder. We picked out this chick when my daughters were younger and I can still hear that sweet belly laughter.

The holidays don’t have to be a show. They don’t have to be all about exterior things. Taking out each thing from the past and not getting anything new, besides a forest candle, is a fun walk down memory lane.

My stocking — Photo Credit: Michele Maize

My Grandma made us all stockings like this although I lost mine and felt terrible about it. So, my mom came to the rescue and made me a duplicate.

Just because my birth mother pretty much gave me up does not mean that I don’t have a mother. My chosen mother is the best thing that ever happened to me and seeing this stocking reminds me of that.

Photo Credit: Michele Maize

I always light candles around the house when I want to feel comfort.

And, comforted I felt as we finished decorating for the day. The tree is still naked but that just means more merry times to come this week.

A little old and unraveled but still merry — Photo Credit: Michele Maize

What has brought me into a huge funk the past few Christmases brought me out of one yesterday. All it takes is a little mind shift, a Christmas tree candle, Justin Beiber, and a happy family.

And, a reminder that I am no longer Santa — Photo Credit: Michele Maize

I don’t wanna miss out on the holiday But I can’t stop staring at your face I should be playing in the winter snow But I’ma be under the mistletoe

Mistletoe— Justin Beiber

Holidays
Photography
Family
Christmas
Life
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