What to (not) Do if Your Child is Bisexual, Gay, or Genderless. Children Sexuality Concerns
Developmentally Inappropriate? Never Judge Your Child Based on the Choices He Makes in Life. Not Even for His Sexuality
Regardless of age…It is very natural to want our children to have the best education, to grow up harmoniously and to be as “normal” as possible. But what does it mean to have a normal child? A child develops sexually, just as developing emotionally and physically. The biggest mistake a parent can make is comparing their children to others. Every child is unique, so it is essential to approach their problems according to their needs. The process of sexual development differs from one child to another, and we should not force a child to be like everyone else or like those we consider to be normal to our perspective. Otherwise, you risk your child of becoming introverted and not talking openly about what kind of problems he is experiencing, and so other problems may arise, which can worsen along the way.
(With the risk of encountering different point of views, outraged people and a lot of hate, let me continue this article. )
Children should receive accurate information about sexual development and be educated about sex and reproduction. YES, YES AND YES! There’s nothing tragic or wrong about your child exploring his sexuality and talking to you about what he can do as a teenager or when he grows up, how he can get rid of the fear of being judged, the shame and some frustrations he may have. But when he grows up, it’ll still be his decision about his sexuality. It’s important for you to encourage your child to share these concerns with you, rather than with anyone else or with strangers! You must become for him a reliable partner, best friend and ally. We should address these kind of problems more often, because you should not consider her/him as having an inappropriate or unacceptable behavior. Through honest and open discussions you can solve any related issues.
There is no such thing as normal or abnormal behaviour, as long as the child does not create problems of any other nature and does not hurt other children, physically or mentally. Don’t offend your child or tell him how to behave, don’t tell him that he has the wrong perspective or that it’s not normal for him to be part of another pattern, just because he won’t feel encouraged and will distance himself from you. And you wouldn’t make the choice to give birth to him again, either, as normal as you’d like it to be! This journey is also about acceptance and understanding. Unfortunately, in many situations we can often be to blame. It depends what kind of role model we become for our little ones.
Even to this day, this topic creates hatred and shame, and parents follow advice that shouldn’t even be given. Even if you find out that your child is not a child with ordinary tendencies, the next step is to talk to him and seek to understand him, to ask him questions to find out the cause or root of the problem he has. This kind of unfavorable behavior can occur for many reasons, and I’ll mention a few:
# In most cases, this could be the result of what they have seen and experienced, which means in magazines, television, or the sexual behavior of their parents, older siblings. And this is not good news. This shows that we need to protect our children from inappropriate behaviour and tell them when the attitude is not quite right, not to let them copy what they see or show them a careless attitudine towards this matter.
# Children who are sexually abused or come from families with such a history are most often exposed to this behavioral pattern; they act out sexually or become sexualized. When a child experiences trauma or multiple traumas without proper guidance, they may perceive the behavior as normal and to emulate what they see, making it challenging to differentiate between beneficial and harmful actions and reactions.
# There are various additional factors that may play a role in sexual behavior challenges, such as struggling with impulse control, experiencing interpersonal difficulties, or lacking sufficient supervision from parents or caregivers. Some children face challenges in managing their behavior and may seek to exert control over others. Aggressive sexual behavior tends to be more prevalent in children with existing behavior issues and a heightened sense of anger and hostility.
No matter how unconventional sexual behavior begins, it has the potential to become ingrained. It could persist because it brings pleasure, offers comfort, or serves as a means of distraction. Some children might develop a habit of touching their intimate body parts while watching TV or when feeling anxious, often without awareness. Alternatively, the continuation of this behavior could be linked to seeking attention (often resulting in shocked reactions from adults) or finding excitement in doing something forbidden when around other children.
Many parents who do not see this behavior as atypical will defend their children and say that their child is not doing anything inappropriate and that their child’s actions are age-appropriate or other excuses that can spare them from getting more actively involved in their child’s life. This is not the right approach!
Gender-neutral parenting or genderless type of parenting-involves two primary approaches. The first approach promotes children’s freedom to express themselves. This involves offering a variety of toys, activities, clothing options, and opportunities for involvement that are not determined by stereotypes. Parents strive to allow their children to freely discover the world without letting gender prevent their explorations.
A much less common but more extreme practice involves the concealment of a child’s gender with the goal of shielding them from societal gender stereotypes. This may be perplexing and misconstrued by friends, grandparents, and other family members. However, parents dedicated to this approach genuinely believe it shields their child from intentional or unconscious gender stereotyping as they grow and develop.
Gender-neutral parenting has a multitude of benefits, with one significant drawback being the apprehension about societal judgment and expectations. Families rooted in traditional gender roles may find it challenging to veer from established customs. It is crucial, however, to acknowledge the advantages of this approach in order to address any concerns raised by family, friends, or leaders in the community or educational settings your family is involved in. Other drawback for this kind of approach could be: a high risk of bullying (cyberbullying also), a hard time finding gender-neutral terms, external bariers when it comes to clothing , hard time fitting in.
Don’t ask yourself if you’re a good parent or good enough to make these choices, and don’t go by society’s beliefs or what other people’s expectations are. It matters what you believe and what you are willing to do for your child so that he does not feel excluded, unwanted or different from others.
Nevertheless, I have not said what I agree and disagree with. My message is an honest and clear one and for those who want to throw themselves into judgment and become mean, my advice is to read again. Many are afraid to discuss this topic and feel frustrated, but it should not be a reason to be ashamed and interiorized. I am not here to tell others what to do, I simply opened up a topic that is often not even taken into account and that some do not approach out of fear or because of preconceptions.
Parents should have the freedom to choose what’s best for their family, even if not all opt for gender-neutral parenting or other forms of parenting, other than the ordinary one. Regardless of parenting style, it’s crucial to encourage and support children’s creative exploration without limiting their aspirations based on gender. Let’s break free from societal boundaries and empower children to be their authentic selves. Let’s put the shame aside for a moment and rethink our decisions. We don’t live based on what others think and this shouldn’t be a struggle either! I am not saying it’s easy-peasy, I am saying it’s possible because we fight for our children afterall.
This article was written by informing myself beforehand and not randomly. Some may consider the information exaggerated or inappropriate for this platform, the content offensive. Others write articles about pornography! I don’t have to apologize to anyone for my honest opinions. Maybe I haven’t covered everything I wanted to say here, but I’ll rectify if something comes up, because it would have taken forever to finish it.
Thank you for reading and being awesome,
