What to Do When You’re Not Feeling Good Enough

Three strategies for enhancing your self-regard.

Of all the factors that can reduce success in personal development, feeling you are not good enough has to be at the top of the list.

I am writing about this topic because of my experiences battling the plague of inferiority. The following essay reviews three strategies for correcting this disabling characteristic.

Put Downs and Disrespect

Like myself, you may be one of the many who faced doubts and repression in your early years. You grew up in a household which caused you to be dependent for too long.

You were not allowed to make your own decisions and were over-parented. Making your own decision and experimenting was not allowed.

Or perhaps you were compared with older sibs who outshone you in some way and made you feel inferior to them.

Or your parents held you to highly unrealistic standards. You were expected to be perfect in every subject in school and were punished if you did not meet these standards.

In my youth, I was constantly put down for my ideas and told, ‘I wouldn’t amount to a row of pins.’

Many famous people risked rejection to get where they are. Anytime you do something different, someone will take offense.

Among writers, it’s common to wear rejection letters as badges of honor. The well-known writer Kurt Vonnegut held on to his rejection letters for years. They’re now on display in a museum dedicated to him.

J.K. Rowling posted her rejection letters to inspire other writers. One publisher suggested she sign up for a writing class.

How to Overcome Not Good Enough

As commentators have noted, being raised to feel disrespected can challenge your confidence and view of the world.

Serious damage could result if you grew up in a home where favoritism and comparison prevailed.

You could become afraid of taking risks because you think you are not good enough to succeed in the world.

Yet all these experiences can be great drivers of later achievement. Being told you don’t have what it takes can be an excellent motivator to prove the critics wrong. The ‘I’ll show you refrain ‘has always had great appeal as an energizing phrase.

The entrepreneur Jia Jiang decided to desensitize himself to rejection with his viral “rejection challenge,” where he committed to 100 days of making far-out requests that were sure to get turned down.

I have created a narrative of compensation for early wounds to my ego. I have adopted a gospel of lifting myself up by mastering different skills and focusing on new achievements. (To learn more about these attainments, check here. )

Other writers have suggested numerous methods for lessening or correcting the impact of early adverse experiences.

Focus on your Strengths

Focusing on your strengths can bring out the best in who you are and what you do. When you concentrate on your strengths, you become more confident and accepting of your self-worth.

The perspective your want means “that your thoughts will change from I’m not good enough to I am not perfect. I make mistakes as everyone else does, but this is what makes me, me.’”

De-emphasize Your Failures

Failure hurts less if you can find lessons to prevent future mistakes. Instead of thinking that you failed because you’re not good enough, think about what went wrong and how you can improve from your mistakes.

Mistakes aren’t a necessary evil. They are an inevitable consequence of doing something new (and, as such, should be seen as valuable; without them, we’d have no originality).

Most people would go to any length to avoid failure. Andrew Stanton at Pixar was known for his counsel to ‘fail early and fail fast’ and ‘be wrong as fast as you can.’ He sees failure as the way one ought to see learning to ride a bike — an endeavor impossible to master without falling and stumbling first.

Make More Positive Affirmations

Compliment yourself when things go well. This will boost your self-esteem and give you a sense of pride for not giving up in the face of struggles and difficulties.

I grew up in a family that regarded pride as a sin, as something that would only give you a ‘swelled head’. The implication was that being pleased with oneself or one’s achievements was unjustified.

But I believe that feeling self-respect or pleasure in something by which you measure your self-worth is a good thing. It means that you have done something that matters to you that you had to struggle to accomplish.

It is helpful to list all the things that make you feel special. You will see that your self-esteem not only increases, but you’ll also gain a clearer understanding of how worthy you are.

Conclusion

Feeling that you are not good enough is a common block to high achievement. It has diverse causes but can be rectified by dwelling on your strengths, minimizing failures, and emphasizing the pride you feel about your accomplishments.

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