What to Do When You Relapse with NoFap and a Non-ejaculation Practice
Here’s how to manage the 4 aspects of your personality to bounce back
“I am lost. Is Flinders Street train station two blocks down?” she inquired.
Dang! 3 months and going strong. This is a long stretch for me and I was crushing it.
I had the semen-retention glow.
Yes, it was a hot day, but couldn’t she wear a few more clothes? Barely legal. Blonde. Busty. With those sexy arm tatts. You know the type.
I went into a dork spasm. I somehow blurted out a yes. Or at least I think that’s what I said.
A sexy image of her was burnt into my brain. I knew when I got home, I would watch porn and have the death grip in full force.
Here’s how to deal with a relapse when on NoFap and how to strengthen your non-ejaculation practice.
There are 4 aspects of your personality that will be need to refocused to get you back on track
#1. Physical
The day after relapse, you always wake up with an erection. I don’t know why. The sexual energy hasn’t completely been cleaned out of the body.
The next morning, after a relapse, you will get urges to:
- Watch porn, or
- Text a random girl.
What to do:
There are things you should do to prevent physical stimulation.
- Don’t touch your penis.
- Don’t lie on your stomach or lie too far on your side so that your body puts pressure on your penis.
- Get immediately out of bed and do physical exercise outside the house.
#2. Intellectual
“I knew I was caught. I thought just once more than I would start again,” said this old timer.
I was at a Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous meeting. He looked about 65 years old. He had broken his 6-month streak of no porn and masturbation. He was now on day 13 of masturbating every day since he broke the drought. He had been married for 37 years.
You know that cycle.
You keep saying to yourself after finishing ejaculating, you will stop watching porn and start your non-ejaculation practice tomorrow. When tomorrow comes, you jump on the internet again and do the search for that perfect bit of porn.
It turns into a downward spiral of guilt and shame.
Engage your intellect for getting your whys in order, refocusing, and a (solid) commitment.
What to do:
- Know why you are doing NoFap and semen retention. Have a list.
- Know why you shouldn’t be masturbating and looking at porn.
- Commit to starting on a specific date. And do it (even if it is in 2 days, keep telling yourself you will start on this day.)
- When a sexualized thought comes up, drop the thought immediately and refocus on non-sexual thought or become aware of your breath.
- Know your triggers. What ignites your sexual energy? Then avoid the triggers.
#3 Emotional
Self-compassion is the way to welcome a relapse.
Do things that are best for your emotional well-being.
This doesn’t mean indulging in more masturbation. More of this will lead to feelings of guilt and a continued loss of energy. Which will make the situation worse.
Look to refocus on how far you have come in your NoFap and non-ejaculation practice. Mentally congratulate yourself.
Your body will have lost nutrients from ejaculating. Healthy food will help get you re-energized. Don’t force yourself to eat healthy food you don’t like to eat. Greasy junk food will make you feel lethargic and bloated.
Self-judgment leads to self-criticism. This generates feelings of guilt and shame. To escape feeling bad, you look for those little highs that masturbation provides. This is the ejaculation vicious cycle.
When your energy is low and you feel bad, you are more likely to whip out your mobile porn device (cell phone.)
Instead, do the things that make you feel content and settled.
What to do:
- Stop self-judgment. It’s a decision to where you keep your focus from moment to moment.
- Take long hot showers. There is something very soothing about allowing the hot water to kiss your skin for a long time. It’s relaxing.
- If you wake up tired on the weekend, sleep for another hour until you’re fully rested.
- Eat healthy food. Choose the healthy food that you like to eat. Keep it organic and plant-based, if possible.
- Be in nature. Go to a nearby park and go for a walk.
- Dance and sing. Close the blinds and put on some loud dance music.
- Get 8 hours of sleep each night. Go to bed early and get up early.
- Catch up with some friends.
#4. Spiritual
“Anything that is in line with answering the question, who am I? That is spiritual,” proclaimed Swami Brahmananda. I was 18 months into a 3-year Advaita Vedanta and Sanskrit course at Swami Dayananda Ashram in Rishikesh, India.
When it comes to anything spiritual, the Indians have got it down.
What are you doing to understand who you are at your essence? Who are you in relation to the larger existence and other people?
Be curious about the world and who you are as a person. Are you more than a collection of personality traits? What is it that keeps your heart beating?
Listed below are the standard spiritual practices. I have found them to be an integral part of a NoFap and semen retention practice.
How to impliment the practices into your life is via time blocks. From Monday to Friday 5.30 am to 6.00 am, I do yoga. From 6.00 am to 6.20 am, I do meditation.
I don’t think about it and I don’t force it. I just do it. It’s not an option.
However, if I am too tired to get up that morning and I do oversleep, then I go to bed early the next night. Missing a session should only happen once every few weeks.
If it happens more frequently than there other parts of your life that are out of alignment. Gently re-examine what’s going on and what needs adjustment.
What to do:
Other Helpful Practices
NoFap and semen retention are part of a larger lifestyle. How you live your life affects whether you get caught in the web of porn addiction and lose your energy through ejaculation.
Have various projects you are working on outside of work. Everything man requires is a life purpose. If you don’t, you will be like a boat lost at sea in a storm. You will get thrown around by external distractions and the demands of others.
Your life purpose can be made up of pursuing various smaller projects. I write 3 articles a week on Medium. Other things include, writing a childrens book, running a men’s walk and talk group and launching an online personal development course.
Engage with life.
Alternatively, during any downtime at work, become an expert in a particular area at work.
What to do:
- Follow your passions and interests with specific projects.
- Learn how to manage your sexual energy.
- Know your Point of No Return.
Don’t make NoFap and a non-ejaculation practice the center of your life. For me, it’s an important part, but it’s not the most important. Create and live a lifestyle that is fulfilling.
After a relapse, the next day is the hardest. Be gentle with yourself. Re-commitment and get back to living an energetic life.
