What to do When Success Scares you

It’s true, some people are afraid of being successful, it’s called achievemephobia! Here is how you know you have it, and here is what you can do about it…

I really didn’t know the meaning of achievemephobia until I published an article in a traditional media outlet in my country that went viral many years ago, at a time when going viral was not even a thing.

I had written a piece on an advertising campaign, by a big telco company. I felt the campaign was insensitive to its target market given the challenges young people were facing in the country at the time, so I bared my heart out on fine print.

I thought it was honest, provocative, and compelling, so I reached out to a kind editor of a large publishing house, with a large following, who thought it was too and published it. It was the first time my young idealistic Twenty-something-year-old self would do something like that, and I didn’t know what to expect. In fact, I expected nothing.

The next morning, it had gone viral. I woke up to the incessant beeping on my Blackberry phone, and of course people sought me out on social media and my dm’s and private email were bursting with messages.

While I was happy that the subject of the article was being discussed, I was shocked at the number of emails and messages I had received; I did not expect it to resonate so deeply with a lot of people at the time, I didn’t understand why my name was being mentioned in strange forums, blogs, and websites, and why the article was being re shared and reposted. And then someone told me “Oh, your article went viral”.

In typical millennial language, I was “shook” and very unnerved by the attention so I did the opposite of what people do today, I logged out of all the social media platforms, stayed quiet for a while and refuse to write anything meaningful for a very long time.

The realization that there was a possibility that I could write something that would go viral, scared the sh**t out of me. I wanted people to read what I wrote, but I didn’t want them to know me. What an interesting irony, who wants to be an anonymous successful writer? I did.

Well, I shouldn’t have worried. Success in my writing seems to have eluded me in the past few years and the challenges of adulting have since become an overwhelming pre-occupation so much so that writing took a back seat. Also, viral articles do not bring success, maintaining the momentum after going viral does.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?… And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.

When Marianne Williamson wrote the above poem, she certainly was referring to achievemephobia. The fear of shining too brightly, of achieving too much, of having a future that is drastically different from our humble beginnings. How. Dare. We. Dream. So Big…?

This fear has many faces and rears its head differently, for example, an achievemephobic person understands that sometimes success comes with fame and financial prosperity, but it may also result in a loss of privacy and may inspire envy, hate, and jealousy. The downside of the anticipated success inspires so much fear, that the achievemephobic person ditches his dreams for something easy, comfortable and predictable, devoid of the drama of success.

An introverted achievemephobic may allow the thoughts of having to manage life in the limelight affect his ability to pursue his goals and achieve them.

Achievemephobics often take on self-sabotaging activities that deliberately impede their success. Achievemephobia paralyzes very talented, smart people into inaction.

You may be achievemephobic if;

• You are extremely introverted, shy and the thoughts of interacting with people cause you social anxiety;
• You are from a very poor or middle-class background and you feel your success may alter your social class, alienating you from close friends and families;
• The thoughts of success seem like a betrayal to your close circle of friends and acquaintances;
• You are extremely talented, but you fear that you may get what you want but may be unable to handle the demands and pressure of your success;
• You constantly suffer from imposter syndrome and do not feel qualified to undertake certain tasks;
• You often feel like you are “punching above your weight” and often feel “out of your depth” when setting goals and objectives;
• You are unwilling to give up anonymity for significance, so you would rather play it small.

Achievemephobia is an interesting concept because as with most issues in life, its starts in the mind. Yes, it’s all in your head and the panacea to it also begins from the mind. So, here are four tips that may help you.

First off, understand that the battle is in the mind. As with most mental health issues, the battle is fought and lost in the mind. You need this level of self-awareness to shut the negative voices in your head and convince yourself of the beautiful, smart intelligent creature that you are. You need to constantly remind yourself that your dreams however daunting, are very valid and deserving.

Identify the source of your fear. Most fears are rooted in something, a difficult childhood, a negative experience, or a closely nurtured derogatory statement seared permanently into your subconscious. It is important you go on a self-discovery journey to understand why you act the way you act.

Find your “why”. I like writing, because I like to express myself, I find it immensely therapeutic and strangely satisfying. I will write whether people read my writing or not. My love for writing supersedes my fear of failure or success. Finding your “why”, will help you focus on the right things, as opposed to conjuring up scenarios that may never happen in real life. Your “why” dwarfs your fears and propels you in the pursuit of your dreams.

Fourthly and perhaps most importantly get help. It always helps to speak with a qualified therapist on all mental health issues. Getting professional help will expedite the self-discovery process. Also, find mentors who are great achievers in your field and study how they have managed their successes.

Finally, remember worry is like a rocking chair, it keeps you going but takes you nowhere. It is pointless worrying about a future that may not even materialize, the sad reality is that very few of us will attain our fullest potential, so we may as well enjoy the process of “becoming”, and be excited about what the future holds.