What to Do When Everyone Around You is Dying
How to envision a good future for yourself after seeing nonstop death.
Today I got a call from my grandma saying that my uncle died.
Last month I lost my great aunt, a childhood friend, and a role model of mine who made content online.
It’s crazy how much death is in the air this year.
I keep getting hit with bullets. I’ve never truly experienced the sadness and grief that come with death until now.
I’ve always lived a life of solitude. My grandpa passed away the year I was born and no one I was super close to within my family has left me yet. Seeing all of these beautiful faces vanish from my life one by one is terrifying.
It makes me think about when I’m going to lose my mom, sister, or grandma. It makes me paranoid of the future. It makes me want to crawl up into a ball and never see the light of day again.
How the hell can people live like this?
Maybe this is a scary new chapter in my life that I’m not used to.
Call me crazy, but after the pandemic, it feels like we’ve reached a new era.
We’ve been remaining captive in our homes for the past year and a half, we couldn’t do our normal handshakes, and we couldn’t share the same utensils.
Heck, we all know the mass panic that happened when shit hit the fan.
Everyone thought the end of the world was near. People got trampled on the way to Sam’s Club buying up all the toilet paper they could find.
Is this the end?
It feels like a freaking apocalypse considering all of the people I lost. It still doesn’t feel real. Why me?
Why all this death in the span of two months?
And why now?
For some reason, I still feel the need to live.
I couldn’t imagine how suicidal people feel.
Even though I’ve had horrifying pain in my life, it never got to a point where I felt I needed to take my own life. My deepest condolences go out to those people.
I don’t know why I’m still pushing.
Maybe it’s my fear of death that keeps me going. Maybe it’s my y desire to accomplish everything I want in life that keeps me going. Maybe I’m too damn tired of thinking so much.
Sometimes the screams in your head are so loud that you become numb.
I went to my very first funeral a month ago. I had another one a couple of days later. Both of those funerals taught me some valuable lessons.
- Funerals are bittersweet send-offs to the person who died
- You almost want to speed up everyone else’s death around you so you don’t have to think about it anymore
I can sleep at night knowing how much my loved ones have impacted me.
I’m not saying I want to murder anyone to speed up their death, it’s a mental thing. I’m just stating the obvious — we all gotta do death one day.
As morbid as this sounds, I’m just trying to prepare myself for when I lose someone else.
All I can do is keep reaching for the stars, realizing my dreams, and have peace that someone else has risen to the heavens.
Final Thought
How do you envision a better future for yourself beyond all the chaos?
I haven’t really figured it out yet. But I know impacting others and keeping your loved ones close to your heart is a start. It may sound corny or cliche, but I have faith knowing that I gave this little life I lived my all. And I made it worthwhile for others as well.
How about you?
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