Summary

The article provides guidance for heterosexual males on navigating relationships with feminist partners, emphasizing that feminism is about equality and love, not male hatred, and encourages education and understanding of feminist principles.

Abstract

The article titled "What to Do if You Find Yourself Dating a Feminist" offers practical advice for heterosexual men who may be apprehensive about dating a woman who identifies as a feminist. It addresses common misconceptions about feminism, such as the belief that feminists hate men, and clarifies that feminism is a movement advocating for equality among all genders. The author emphasizes that feminists seek to dismantle systems of oppression that harm everyone, including those who may benefit from them. The piece also educates on the historical context of the feminist movement, the ongoing fight for equal rights, and the importance of the Equal Rights Amendment. It encourages men to engage with feminism by asking their partners about their perspectives and to be open to learning about the movement, as it is relevant to everyone, not just women.

Opinions

Feminism is often misunderstood as being anti-male, but in reality, it is a movement for gender equality and intersectionality.
Feminists do not inherently dislike men; they advocate for a system that offers equal rights and protections under the law for all genders.
The Equal Rights Amendment is crucial for constitutional protection of women's rights, which are currently not explicitly guaranteed.
Feminism benefits society by aiming to dismantle oppressive systems, which ultimately negatively affect everyone, including those who appear to benefit from them.
A feminist partner is likely to be confident and seek equality in a relationship, which can be a positive experience for a considerate and respectful partner.
The author suggests that men should view dating a feminist as an opportunity to learn and grow in their understanding of gender equality and systemic oppression.

What to Do if You Find Yourself Dating a Feminist

Practical tips for heterosexual males.

Photo by Drop the Label Movement on Unsplash

So, you just went out on a date with this amazing woman. She’s funny, smart and not bad looking. Your time together flew by. You’re on cloud nine. You feel like you won the lottery. And then, as you peruse her social media accounts you realize that she’s a feminist.

You know this because every single one of her social media posts is unapologetically feminist. There are photographs of her wearing shirts that say, “This is what a feminist looks like,” and “We should all be feminists.” She shares articles that argue in favor of the Equal Rights Amendment and recommends TV programs like “The Handmaid’s Tale” and “Mrs. America.”

Her heroes are Gloria Steinem, Shirley Chisholm, and Alice Paul.

Taken aback, your stomach clenches.

Feminist? But she seemed so cool and normal? What should you do? You thought she liked you but, don’t feminists hate all men?

First of all, don’t panic — feminism isn’t as scary as you think it is.

Feminists do not hate men.

Even in the twenty-first century, people still hold on to the notion that feminists hate men. We don’t. We just want equality. And while white feminists have more advantages than our BIPOC sisters, we still do not have all of the advantages that white men do. Feminism argues that all people are equal regardless of gender.

Most feminists do their best to be intersectional too. Intersectionality argues that all people are equal no matter what. And that’s an important point. Because when oppressed classes are divided by their differences, they lose their power.

But if we all oppressed classes work together our power multiplies — exponentially.

The movement isn’t about hating anyone. It’s a movement about LOVE. So if you’re dating a feminist, get ready because she is full of LOVE — and if you play your cards right you might benefit from that LOVE.

Women still do not have equal rights.

You might see something on social media that argues for equal rights for women. And you might think — but they already have equal rights. You are wrong.

The Equal Rights Amendment was written by Alice Paul in 1923. Through most of the 20th century feminists worked very hard to pass ERA but, their efforts were derailed by Phyllis Schlafly and her propaganda campaign to derail the Equal Rights Amendment.

Schlafly’s campaign argued that ERA would strip housewives from their right to stay home with their children. That was never what ERA was designed to do. ERA was designed to give women the chance to do whatever they wanted to do and be protected by the Constitution — just like men.

Our current systems were designed by white men to protect white men. That means cis-gender white men are the only group protected by the Constitution. Even the Thirteenth, Fourteenth, and Fifteenth Amendments contain loopholes that leave Black men unprotected.

With the exception of the 19th Amendment which grants and protects a woman’s right to vote, there is not language in the Constitution which specifically protects women.

Today, there’s a big push to finally ratify the Equal Rights Amendment. Once ratified women and those who identify as women would have the same constitutional protections afforded to men. Women have been asking for this as early as Abigail Adams during the revolution.

Feminism isn’t about you as a person. It’s about dismantling a system of oppression that affects everyone negatively. Even those who benefit from it the most.

Feminism isn’t a personal affront to you.

You’re a nice guy. And if you treated your date well, she’s probably just as excited about you are you are about her. Don’t take her feminism personally. Feminism isn’t about you as a person. It’s about dismantling a system of oppression that affects everyone negatively. Even those who benefit from it the most.

That notion can make anyone feel uneasy. As a white woman, when I first began studying institutional and systemic racism I felt uneasy too. I had to sit with that for a while and reckon with myself and my identity. But as I started to dig deeper into the problem and the systems that built the problem, I realized that it wasn’t about me. It’s about the systems. And I have to find my role in dismantling the systems.

Consider it an honor if a feminist interested in you romantically, because, trust me, she’s confident enough to drop you like a bad habit if you’re a jerk.

You’re never too old to learn.

Now that you’ve discovered this woman’s feminism, you’ve got something new to learn about. And, you’ve got something to talk about on your next date.

Before you jump in head first and start telling her all you know about feminism, ask her some questions — especially if you never really thought about feminism before.

Be curious. Ask her to point you to some book recommendations or television shows that will help you better understand what feminism is and how it fits into the fight to end systemic and institutional oppression.

Learn what you need to do. Feminism isn’t just for women, its for everyone — even you.

Kim Funk is a freelance writer, feminist, hockey mom and amateur opera singer. She writes a lot of humor and thinks she’s funny. She lives in Minneapolis, MN with her two kids and her dog who think she’s awesome and a cat who tolerates her.