What to do about the Sadness

Sometimes I feel sad, and I’ve only just embraced what is at the bottom of it. It is the sadness of an empath for all the neglect, harm and hurt and despair, the destruction, cruelty, conscious ignorance or malice aforethought, and the outright violence in this World, and in addition to that it is a personal sad feeling about my own past.

I am only human, and snippets of sadness over my own life come to me out of the blue. In October 2014, I had OHS (open heart surgery) to replace a faulty aortic heart valve that I was born with, and I knew that I had the chance to go then if I wanted. I told my friends “Don’t worry if I go, I have had a good innings.” My best friend replied “Yeah, but we would rather that you were around.” I am blessed that people care.

“Out of the blue” as I sat on the train or at my desk at work, something would tip the scales, not what I expected. Maybe a smell or a news article on the computer or a sound, always something innocuous. I would shed a few tears, trying to hide them, upset or traumatized by the fright and unpleasant experience of OHS and a protracted recovery. Scarred by my perception of the past.

Dream about it

The heart surgery was on top of a life with neglect and abuse. Some say that all illness has a spiritual cause or connection. Some say that my heart was the way that it was, because spiritually I was carrying a lot of the collective grief and pains of humanity. For as long as I know, I have tried to learn about Life, and to understand and work with others, and to make things better in a world where everything is connected.

If you feel sad and alone, scared and not trusting yourself, if you are short on self-confidence and belief, I ask you to honor yourself as a survivor.

I process my charged feelings during my sleep and my dreams, and cherish this because I believe that this protected me.

These are emotional resolution dreams and I cherished them because I believe that they protected me from lashing out or acting out during my waking hours. Carl Gustav Jung, a psychoanalyst based in Zurich, Switzerland wrote that dreams use mythic narratives or archetypes to express our situations. People who have been traumatized may repress, that is, unconsciously suppress issues or conditions that need to be looked at and managed. For more information about the psyche and the nature of the unconscious you can visit the link below.

Love Thyself

There have been bouts of grief for myself, but these have been few and brief. It has taken me a long time to believe in myself and to love myself. But I have made it. I do now love myself but I’m finding that I am feeling sad for the child I was, and for the life that I have had.

It is a release for me and a blessing, because I look at the energy underlying things and I realize it means that I am now letting down my guard and I am saying to myself “No it wasn’t right for me to be abused when I was eleven.” “No it wasn’t right for me to face racism to the extent that I thought that I must buy a blonde wig and wear it, in order to fit in.” No.

No more stopping myself from flourishing. Yes to caring for myself. Yes to allowing myself to be loved. Yes to feeling sad about the frightened person that I was, whom stifled her out-reach and power back then. The paths that I may have trodden were cut off from me. Que sera sera. I have had to stop rationalizing what happened and have learned that a deep acceptance, while taking steps to look after my mental, spiritual and physical health is necessary.

I don’t want pity, I want understanding and recognition of who I really am. I’ve not allowed myself to feel sad about my own story until recently. I put up a front, not realizing if I didn’t release my sad feelings about myself that I couldn’t fully express and receive other feelings.

But my tendency to look at everything from outside as a long distance observer of things (as a defense mechanism) has now, thankfully, turned to spot-lighting myself.

Acceptance and moving on

She went through that, and it was sad.

My sadness is a long-lost part of me, like a suit that I took off when I chose to numb myself, to stop getting hurt further.

It’s time to embrace my sadness for myself, to make friends with it, to say to it “That’s okay that you’re sad about yourself, so are others sad for you, you’ve got this girl.” In the heat of any sadness, you feel upset and hurt, maybe alone and depressed, but do whatever it takes to lift your energy levels, like think happy thoughts (as I do), pray, sing or listen to music, eat something you like, watch your favorite movie, write in your diary, phone a friend, do a crossword puzzle, prune the roses, pat your dog or cat, or go for a walk.

Know that your sadness is a beacon showing you that it’s time to honor and love yourself, and to re-live and find and honor the good moments.

Reach out for help if you need it. There are so many outlets now, like sharing on Medium, trusted Facebook prayer groups and other forums, and face to face support groups, where you genuinely can ask for prayers or help, without giving everything away. Be discerning and trust your intuition. Take the time to help yourself, you are your greatest helper. You are the Jedi Knight or Master.

Tones of Sadness

Did you know that underlying sadness are:

Depressed, Hurt, Discouraged, Lonely, Unhappy, Tired, Uncomfortable, Guilty, Embarrassed, Bored

[ Click here to see a Table showing the other groups of feelings ]

When you’re next feeling sad, see if you can hone in on any of the above.

Rest with the feeling, and not straight away, but after allowing yourself to feel the sadness and allowing yourself to shed buckets of tears (if you do), try to do something to reach the opposite.

So for example, if you are feeling lonely, go shopping so that you can chat to the checkout person or find someone online who will genuinely listen or chat to you. Write in your diary if that helps.

If you feel embarrassed, think about all the great encounters you have had with the person or things involved. Not everything connected to them is embarrassing, is it?

If you are feeling hurt, let the reasons why, play out in full (important) and give yourself time for this to happen. Bow your head in appreciation of yourself and your survival, straighten up and take a deep breath, then smile a gentle smile, and then BE KIND TO YOURSELF.

Own your sadness

It’s okay to feel sad for or about yourself. We’ve been brought up to put on a cheerful face and to remember those “less fortunate” than us. It’s a shock when a normal healthy person is subjected to external situations that are not nurturing for her, and many people encountering this tend to deny or ignore that anything disruptive happened. But it’s okay to open up to trusted individuals for counseling or help, it’s okay to discuss what has happened with people involved (if you feel safe doing so).

Don’t beat yourself up for feeling sad. Be glad that you can feel. Understand that “time” passes and that you don’t have to bear your sadness alone. Tell someone that you’re sad so they can cheer you up. Work on yourself spiritually and fully own your sadness. You don’t have to like it, but let it tell you that YOU CARE and that you have it within you to “ride it out” and to improve or bear your situation as a result.

Over time, the sadness will decrease. Be grateful for what you have had, and for what is. If you do the inner work and get the outside help you need, and realize all is connected, it will be replaced with gladness.