What Three Years of College Have Taught Me

Realizations Aplenty

I started this new chapter in my life, college, back in June 2016.

And when I got into college, I like any other didn’t really know what I’m set out to do in life.

What I knew was one thing, I know how to play football at a considerably decent level and I would use that as my everything, my motivator, my shield, my identity.

In my first year, I was in the University football team, and being one of the few handpicked first-year students, I had a huge ego. I considered myself the best and above everyone to put it in short. And that air spread into almost every part of my life. My classmates weren’t really fond of me because of how arrogant and cocky I was about football. And to be honest I’ve heard that a lot before in my formative years as well.

I started noticing that people didn’t really include me in anything and that I kinda wasn’t the cool kid of class. Which I had, now that I look back, subconsciously decided what I was going to be in college. I started noticing a lot. The bubble I used to live in in school had just burst.

I found a group of, at the time, like-minded individuals with who I decided to move in. And with that group, I spent the majority of the time that my first two years of college offered me. I had the time of my life. I learned that people are never going to respect me until I come up with tangible results. The first day I played football with this lot, I was put to shame and my mouth was shut at the end of it. I knew I had to prove my point.

But I also knew if I’m going to talk and put myself on a stupid pedestal just cause of what I’d achieved before, I wasn’t going to achieve anything. I was playing the game wrong. I made a game out of the game itself. And that was my downfall.

What was the point of telling the world I’m the greatest or that I’m the best? Nothing but to, what I now realize, fuel my own ego because I was naive enough to think that my ego is what makes me play well. Not how I genuinely enjoy playing football and helping out my teammates. Foolish me.

And it took me a really long time to realize that. This taught me two things, I got to be aware of what’s happening internally, how that has an effect on the people around me. And that realizations are necessary for your life. The sooner you get them, the better for you in figuring out this game of life.

I took on reading in my second year. That was the time when I was really immersed in reading, thoroughly enjoying it to the point where I could sit on a balcony for four hours straight with a book, a few birds chirping and some evergreen music playing in the background.

Every day. For two months. I was consuming books in college and in my room as well but there was just something about that evening breeze on the balcony.

Having an analytical mind I noticed that every person who writes a book and is often termed “successful” has all had such different life stories. It was inspiring really. It gave me such immense confidence that I did not have to go down one path that is being followed by many.

I just couldn’t get myself to see things any other way. Every book I read gave me a different perspective on how to go about life. Yet, no specific path called out to me. This was my story after all.

I soon realized that this life has no manual that you can use to construct it. No one has that kind of knowledge. And that’s because every situation that an individual encounter is completely different from any situation you are going to face. There will always be a host of different variables that make something different from something that has already occurred in the past.

And predicting the future is just the neurons in our brain making an assumption based on our past experiences. The universe holds unlimited variables that our brains aren’t even aware of. Hence, that’s useless too.

So what does that leave? Being in the moment. Here and now. Learning and figuring your way out in life by experiencing this moment, this very moment of your existence the most. Because technically speaking, this is the only time you are alive, the past is gone, the future is never going to come because that’s how time works, so all you have is here and now.

That's when I realized that to figure your life out, you got to be so engrossed in the here and now trying to find the best ways to build your life, is the only instruction set you can find. The one which puts all the ownership of life onto you.

Because at the end of the day, you have to be the first person who has your own back. Not your best friend, not your girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, family, homeboys, girls, social circle, whatever.

I realized that ownership is key. And taking ownership means limiting everybody else’s opinion to a certain extent, believing yourself to be your guide, and trusting your own decisions. Bearing the weight and repercussion of them yourself.

And never point a finger out to anyone else because you are in control, and you have the power to change any situation as long as you aren’t dead.

Soon, the differences between me and my group of boys started getting too much for me, hence I did my bit of distancing myself for my mental health.

And that’s when I learned about taking care of that big head of yours up there. It’s pretty important. I started reading a lot of self-help books which highlighted more about taking care of yourself more efficiently. And it’s a simple realization that you are responsible for your own inner peace.

When that sort of responsibility is with you, is when you can ask yourself about letting go of things, forgiving, because that's honestly the only way you can carry forward with your daily life without thinking about something from the past which basically limits you from being in the present.

However, that’s easier said than done, it took me a while to implement this.

I realized what boundaries are for. And how necessary they are to foster a positive relationship with yourself and inner peace. Forgiveness and boundaries are co-workers.

When we do not enforce boundaries because we are scared of what might go wrong, how the other person might feel, and if they might leave your life, we aren’t really discouraging any sort of behaviour.

When we establish a boundary and honour it, we are making ourselves and the other work by thinking of how things need to be worked out now. Because now with the boundary that has been created, I am most comfortable with letting you in that much, and that displays acceptance. This is also encouraging as it shows mutual respect and that thing can get better eventually.

I learned that you can not hold on to things. You can not hope. You can not wish for something. Because the disappointment if something does not work out is tremendous. You can honestly do without it in the first place.

If you want something, make it happen. And if you don’t want to make it happen, you don’t want to put in the effort for whatever cause, then don't complain.

Don't dwell. Just don’t. You're wasting time and jeopardizing your mental health by not living in the present. You are responsible for yourself. Take ownership. No two ways. This is how I have started living, and after seeing so many different ways to live and function, trust me, this way runs like a Porsche.

I got hooked on money because I would play a lot of poker. I thoroughly loved the game and how you need to apply your brain and mathematics and trust your gut as well to make a decision. Which could earn you a hefty sum of cash.

After I got decent at the sport I was able to generate a fair bit of cash from my winnings. And I always wanted more, I craved that thrill of winning and I craved inflating my bank account.

My addiction to having a lot of money went to the extent that I set up a start-up and an E-commerce website just to generate money because I felt it was the easiest way with the least effort. I wasn’t invested in a vision. I didn’t want to add any sort of value.

I was so self-centered that I look back now and feel disgusted by the kind of money-minded freak I used to be and delighted that I’ve now outgrown that phase by understanding the cliche line, “Money is not everything”, means.

I was sick of being the one who was questioning how things are being done all the time, but not the one doing anything about it. I didn’t have motion. I didn’t do what was needed.

Why? Because I prioritized chilling with friends, playing FIFA, sleeping for extended hours, enjoying the feeling of just doing the bare minimum. And that kind of mindset infected my life.

I stopped writing, I stopped hitting the gym, I stopped my football coaching classes, I stopped reading, I stopped so many things. Which really never needed to be put a halt to. Who knows if I had continued as a blogger I would be writing for great publication by now.

But that is irrelevant now.

The only reason I am what I am today. A conscious human being with a hold on his thoughts and clarity that I am my God and I determine whatever happens in my life. It isn’t destiny, it isn’t fate, no, it is me. I realized that I have been given the power of being a human being.

The odds of being born a human being is 400 trillion to one. And that fraction brings about a whole new perspective to think about.

You’ve been born as a human, the alpha predator, with a brain, and a fully functioning body. With the power to question and make a change, the power to influence and lead by example.

I don’t see the point of complaining anymore. It’s just a worthless waste of my time. The time that could be used to do something I love. Because what you love is the most important thing on the planet.

I realized the value of my parents. And that one can never say enough to give them ample credit for everything that’s been done for you from their end.

Just knowing that someone loves you unconditionally is such a morale booster.

And that support is everything.

Over the course of my college life, I was blessed to have been able to meet a certain someone. Now that dodo showed me the best time I could have ever asked for. And that’s when I realized the value of a kind and caring friend.

Someone who wanted to see you grow and wished nothing but the best for you. I realized that you have to let people in. You have to share your deepest darkest secrets and fears with at least someone.

I realized that keeping everything shut inside my small beastly body was not right. And this someone helped me get over this. And I can stand up straight with no fear in my head today because of that support and care and love.

That encouragement is what makes everything so much better. Is what makes being human so much better. Because you have someone to share your highs and lows with, laugh about it and get a belting too, which therein, makes you grow.

Over time I have become a firm believer in pursuing your interests and what you love.

Because to me, it’s very simple. If every individual was able to do what they loved doing, this world would not have employment issues, it would not have attrition rates, it wouldn’t have angry employees and people who are dejected about their lives. It would deliver people who are happy.

Because who is not happy doing something they love. Love is what guides us.

And we as humans need to identify that, understand it and enforce it everywhere. Love is such a pure and positive emotion that should be encouraged all over the world. There is no point in doing something you don’t love. There is no point in killing and violence.

There is no point in having wars and boundaries between countries and people. We are of the same race, and if we were more accepting towards our own race like dogs are to dogs, lions are to lions, fishes are to fishes, then we would be progressing as better people and this world would be as well.

If I really went into in-depth details of how my college life changed me fundamentally as a person, this post will have no end in sight, cause the boy that entered college in June 2016 isn’t the same man that I am today in May 2019.

Three years make a hell of a difference and I can only tell that by looking behind and taking notes.

I realized that this is my story.

This is my book.

This is my bestseller.

That I have the power to pen down every chapter just the way I want to.

And that power is infinite.

And that means I am infinite.

And so are you.

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