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Abstract

know what they’re digging for.But the simple — I am young, works most times. And is typically followed by looking me up and down or more questions. I’ve tried:<ul><li>How old are you?</li><li>Actually, I’m 62</li><li>You don’t (careful and sparse with this one)</li></ul>I’ve tried so many retorts I can’t remember them all.Any suggestions for my next response? 😆<h1 id="9857">Was I ready to be a mother?</h1>The simple answer is no, of course not!I wasn’t so-called “ready” to be a mother in high school, but is anyone 16 or 46 “ready”? In my humble opinion, the best way to be ready is to dive straight in with love and understanding.I was petrified to give birth. But I did, twice actually as I’ve got two girls now. But this story is about my not-so-little life changer.I was ready in the literal sense before she was born we had cloth nappies and clothes etc. I had an incredible midwife and a young mothers support group welcoming me. My pregnancy was pretty textbook, I vomited in all the right trimesters and ate all the vitamins and “right” foods. And yet, mentally I wasn’t ready until I held her in my arms.I know this is a cliche but I suppose it is for a reason. The second the warm gooey 7-pound creature was placed on my chest, I knew I could do this. I knew I would do anything and everything for her.The stunning little woman she is today makes me think I’m doing ok.<h1 id="b696">Parenting is scary!</h1>Like I said earlier, giving birth and being a parent can be scary at any age. After engaging with mothers of every age I know this to be pretty much a given.<figure id="69bb"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*I_Rl3RzJeaKzdog9OOkGHA.jpeg"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@irosmagelav?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">irosmagelav</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/scared-cat?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure>It is scary to think of them having to struggle in life. It is scary to think of their safety and their future in the state of the world. It is scary to think of how quickly their first years are flying past. Scary not to know if you are messing

Options

up your kid. It is scary making choices for them —not knowing if they’re the right ones.Having their life in your hands and so so much more. Parenting is scary stuff.Kids are so vulnerable and impressionable it’s scary to be responsible for bringing them into this world. But if you are a parent, you did.Someone once told me that if I am worrying so much about being a good parent, I’m probably a good parent. I am not sure how much truth there is to this statement, however, if we are trying our best to raise these small humans… What more can we do but do our best?Ultimately, we are only in control of ourselves, so now the external scary parenting stuff is cut out, we focus on how we parent and that is enough.<blockquote id="7c5d">“Freedom is the only worthy goal in life. It is won by disregarding things that lie beyond our control.” ― Epictetus</blockquote><h1 id="2224">Please stop asking this</h1>“When will you have more?”Again, my womb and family planning is not anyone's business but mine or my partners. Full stop, end of story.<figure id="d7f2"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*[email protected]"><figcaption>Us again, 8 years-ish later -Nov.2021. Photo by Author.</figcaption></figure><h1 id="8238">If You Made it this far, Thank you</h1>If you ever meet a teenaged mother maybe keep these away. The child is an accident question specifically.Maybe you could try asking how old her baby is? Or how she is.In the end, she’s a mother like any other. Do you really need to question her purely based on her age? Can you ask her a question you might ask any other Mum? Or any other human being? If you wouldn’t ask any, maybe just maybe it’s best not to.Bridie Dillon, Throwing Words into the Universe.<h2 id="6c27">Subscribe to get ALL of my stories in your inbox! ❤</h2><figure id="072b"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*DRhnogbGk58It6Fb.png"><figcaption>❤<a href="https://bridiedillon.medium.com/subscribe">Subscribe</a> here❤</figcaption></figure>Not a Member yet? Consider joining this rad community by <a href="https://bridiedillon.medium.com/membership">signing up to Medium</a>.</article></body>

What This Teen Mum Wants You To Know

Let’s quit the negativity.

My Daughter at 1 and me at 17–2013. Photo by Author.

Am I still a teen mum at 25? Or is it ‘was a teen mum’? Either way, I had my first daughter at 16. So, now that’s out of the way.

I’m here to counter some common misconceptions and hurtful comments I’ve accumulated over the years. These are obviously taken from personal experience so please bear that in mind when reading.

She wasn’t an accident!

She was a surprise.

So, was she an accident? I’m super over even acknowledging people calling my child an accident! No, I didn’t plan to fall pregnant at 15. But that isn’t the point if you aren’t a prominent part of our life — Why do you even need to know? Like, seriously, why?

What gives you, the nosy stranger, the right to ask?

Especially around her.

My daughter is the best surprise I will ever have. Thankfully, she is wise and intelligent enough not to think anything of this one anymore. Luckily, as I get older we don’t get it as much either. I hope she still thinks that way as she grows into a teen.

I will remind her how she changed everything for the better. Remind her, for lack of better words, how my life would absolutely suck without her.

Even so, strangers have no right to ask this, let alone in front of my child.

Is that your daughter!?

The highest-ranking comment in my 9 and a half years of motherhood?

“Oh my gosh, is that your daughter? You look so young!”

No, she isn’t my sister. No, I’m not her nanny. She is my incredible daughter who I brought into the world. Sure I guess her Dad contributed a little. He is a story I’m not telling right now. The daughter I nurture and love beyond all numbers as she says to me. ❤

Age in parenting is irrelevant.

Some gasp in astonishment. Some look eager to ask more. I’ve started changing up my responses to see reactions, it’s kind of fun. To “you look so young” — At first this was an odd one and I still don’t entirely know what they’re digging for.

But the simple — I am young, works most times. And is typically followed by looking me up and down or more questions. I’ve tried:

How old are you?
Actually, I’m 62
You don’t (careful and sparse with this one)

I’ve tried so many retorts I can’t remember them all.

Any suggestions for my next response? 😆

Was I ready to be a mother?

The simple answer is no, of course not!

I wasn’t so-called “ready” to be a mother in high school, but is anyone 16 or 46 “ready”? In my humble opinion, the best way to be ready is to dive straight in with love and understanding.

I was petrified to give birth. But I did, twice actually as I’ve got two girls now. But this story is about my not-so-little life changer.

I was ready in the literal sense before she was born we had cloth nappies and clothes etc. I had an incredible midwife and a young mothers support group welcoming me. My pregnancy was pretty textbook, I vomited in all the right trimesters and ate all the vitamins and “right” foods. And yet, mentally I wasn’t ready until I held her in my arms.

I know this is a cliche but I suppose it is for a reason. The second the warm gooey 7-pound creature was placed on my chest, I knew I could do this. I knew I would do anything and everything for her.

The stunning little woman she is today makes me think I’m doing ok.

Parenting is scary!

Like I said earlier, giving birth and being a parent can be scary at any age. After engaging with mothers of every age I know this to be pretty much a given.

It is scary to think of them having to struggle in life. It is scary to think of their safety and their future in the state of the world. It is scary to think of how quickly their first years are flying past. Scary not to know if you are messing up your kid. It is scary making choices for them —not knowing if they’re the right ones.

Having their life in your hands and so so much more. Parenting is scary stuff.

Kids are so vulnerable and impressionable it’s scary to be responsible for bringing them into this world. But if you are a parent, you did.

Someone once told me that if I am worrying so much about being a good parent, I’m probably a good parent. I am not sure how much truth there is to this statement, however, if we are trying our best to raise these small humans… What more can we do but do our best?

Ultimately, we are only in control of ourselves, so now the external scary parenting stuff is cut out, we focus on how we parent and that is enough.

“Freedom is the only worthy goal in life. It is won by disregarding things that lie beyond our control.” ― Epictetus

Please stop asking this

“When will you have more?”

Again, my womb and family planning is not anyone's business but mine or my partners. Full stop, end of story.

Us again, 8 years-ish later -Nov.2021. Photo by Author.

If You Made it this far, Thank you

If you ever meet a teenaged mother maybe keep these away. The child is an accident question specifically.

Maybe you could try asking how old her baby is? Or how she is.

In the end, she’s a mother like any other. Do you really need to question her purely based on her age? Can you ask her a question you might ask any other Mum? Or any other human being? If you wouldn’t ask any, maybe just maybe it’s best not to.

Bridie Dillon, Throwing Words into the Universe.

Subscribe to get ALL of my stories in your inbox! ❤

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