Humor

What the “M” Word Does to the Female Brain

(Or…at least mine)

Ma’am. It’s a word that makes me think of saggy skin and sensible shoes.

Ma’am arrives with readers poised on the tip of a nose and lipstick stained front teeth.

In my twenties, ma’am applied to women with station wagons and dark circles blooming below their eyes.

Where the South Gets It Wrong

There are pros and cons to living in both the north and south of the US of A. But a huge pro of the North is their use of the word “miss” to apply to young women.

The South gets this egregiously wrong. Southern culture, steeped in respect, refers to ALL females out of diapers as “ma’am.”

The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and the South does exactly this, throwing verbal gestures of respect that are laced with the elastic-waist band of female aging.

I moved from NY to Texas in my twenties; overnight, I went from “miss” to “ma’am,” — a verbal hysterectomy of an experience.

“Do you want your groceries in plastic or paper, ma’am?”

I turned around, but no one was there.

“Are you speaking to me?” After all, I was a Miss.

“Yes, ma’am.”

How could a change in mere geography cause me to age so quickly??

Miss is Youth; Miss is agility and perky breasts; Miss is taut skin.

Ma’am…big bloomers…bad breath…burgeoning crows feet…

Men and Ma’am

A man gets to be a man and stay a man. There’s no morphing of verbiage doled out by society.

Society sees a man and says, “Yes, Sir.” “No, Sir.”

There is no verbal signifier for a man who is married or single, with children or without.

Like clothing, women navigate this world with far too many verbal signifiers. Our very own marital status hangs out for the world to see like a push-up bra!

Miss (single and young)

Ms. (single)

Mrs. (married)

And men? Men get to be…incognito and timelessly simple:

Mr. (single/married and or young/old)

There’s no verbiage to identify a man’s personal life or space on the aging spectrum.

How to Make an (Older) Woman Smile

I missed out on a good decade of time when the word Miss could have identified yours truly.

I can’t get those years back. None of us can.

But…there’s no law that says we can’t be identified as such…

Whenever I return home to NY, the occasional salesman will refer to me with those three beautiful letters, and it makes my day.

“Miss?”

Three letters that, upon hearing them arrive together in my ear, bring a little spring to my step.

When you call an older woman Miss, you’ve given a verbal hug.

Miss does something to the older female psyche. It takes us out of society’s invisibility cloak and makes us feel like we still matter.

Want a big tip? Call an older woman “Miss” and watch your bank account grow.