What the Hell is “Normal” Eating, Anyways?

How to find your version of normal when everything about eating seems disordered

In case you missed it, the latest fad in the wellness world is “dry fasting”. This particular trend is more frightening than most because it’s so incredibly disordered; not only does one abstain from eating (the “fasting” part) but you also don’t drink water or other fluids (the “dry” part).

I don’t know if I missed something along the way, but last time I checked, both food and water were, you know…essential to life and part of being a living, breathing human.

How did we get to this place where it seems not only acceptable, but downright celebrated, to abstain from what sustains us?

While most of us hear “eating disorder” and likely envision an emaciated, skeletal body, the reality is that eating disorders do not discriminate based on body size, shape, age, gender, or socioeconomic status.

They also don’t exist in a black & white binary of “has an eating disorder” and “does not have an eating disorder”. Rather, disordered eating exists on a spectrum. On one side, you have clinically diagnosed eating disorders, recognized by the DSM-5 as Feeding and Eating Disorders. On the other side, you have classic dieting behaviors and orthorexic tendencies. Orthorexia, or the unhealthy obsession with healthy eating, is a major contributor to our altered perception of what’s normal when it comes to eating.

Turns out, there can be too much of a good thing with eating for health and well-being.

What is Normal Eating?

The more formal definition of “normal eating” goes back to 1983 when dietitian and family-feeding expert Ellyn Satter came up with this list:

• Normal eating is going to the table hungry and eating until you are satisfied.
• It is being able to choose food you enjoy and eat it and truly get enough of it — not just stop eating because you think you should.
• Normal eating is being able to give some thought to your food selection so you get nutritious food, but not being so wary and restrictive that you miss out on enjoyable food.
• Normal eating is giving yourself permission to eat sometimes because you are happy, sad or bored, or just because it feels good.
• Normal eating is mostly three meals a day, or four or five, or it can be choosing to munch along the way.
• It is leaving some cookies on the plate because you know you can have some again tomorrow, or it is eating more now because they taste so wonderful.
• Normal eating is overeating at times, feeling stuffed and uncomfortable. And it can be undereating at times and wishing you had more.
• Normal eating is trusting your body to make up for your mistakes in eating. Normal eating takes up some of your time and attention but keeps its place as only one important area of your life.

In short, normal eating is flexible. It varies in response to your hunger, your schedule, your proximity to food and your feelings.

This is something I have printed and laminated in my office and often use with clients. I’ll ask them to reflect on what applies to them or if there are things they feel aren’t applying at all right now.

If you pause to do the same, what comes up for you? When is the last time you enjoyed something for the sheer pleasure of it, not because of the nutrition content? Do you recall a time when you ate past physical fullness, or weren’t able to eat to your satisfaction for some reason? Do you feel like you can trust that a food will still be around tomorrow, and you don’t have to scarf it down in a breathless hurry before it disappears?

These are a few of the ways you can start getting curious about how you relate to food. It’s often portrayed that the nutrition content of food should be the first, and sometimes only, consideration when deciding what to eat. But in reality, viewing food as fuel and fuel alone is problematic because it erases or ignores the other important factors. It’s common to fixate on the healthfulness of foods, but just because it’s common does not mean it’s normal.

Normal Eating Is Never All Or Nothing

One of my favorite parts of this list is that it acknowledges that there will inevitably be times when we overeat — because yes, overeating is normal!

Likewise, there are some days where we’ll eat less. That is also normal. And it points out that nutrition is still a piece of it. We can use the knowledge we have about nutrition to inform our decisions, but that’s never the only consideration because enjoyment and satisfaction are also key pieces of normal eating.

There’s so much room for the grey area in between rigid black & white thinking. This can feel unsafe when we’re used to the rules of dieting, so be gentle with yourself and offer yourself some kindness if you feel overwhelmed in letting go of those rules to find your version of normal.

Finally, this list acknowledges that thoughts about eating and decisions related to it will take up some of your mental bandwidth. But it doesn’t suck up so much time and energy that you’re incapable of focusing on other things. You’re also not forced to limit what else you spend your time and energy on. When I think about dieting, even in subtle ways, it automatically starts to demand more time and energy than I’m willing to give it.

To summarize, normal eating means you’re able to move throughout your day — and your life — without being so preoccupied with food.

What Does Normal Eating Look Like For You?

So now that we have a general idea, this is where the fun part starts.

You, and only you, are in charge of deciding what normal eating looks like in your life. So although we can use this lengthy and nuanced definition as a starting point, it doesn’t need to be a goal or a checklist to accomplish before you can consider yourself a “normal” eater. The key is flexibility. People who have a good relationship with food know that one meal, one day, one week, or even longer is not going to have a significant impact on their health and can trust that they’ll return to their “normal” with time and patience.

As a dietitian, I’ll often be approached by potential clients who want a meal plan. “Just tell me what to eat,” they’ll say. But I can’t do that for them because what’s normal for me (or according to any other resources they may try to rely on) isn’t what’s normal or right for them. Personal taste preferences, lifestyle and schedule, budget, access to food, and appetite all impact your way of eating. Those things can also change, which is another reason I dislike rigid meal plans and don’t recommend them.

NOTE: There are exceptions, such as during eating disorder treatment and recovery, but meal plans and meal planning are actually two different things in my mind. Read more about meal planning here, which can actually be a tool of self-care and align well with intuitive eating.

So in summary, normal eating:

• Is unique and individualized
• Is flexible and adaptable
• Does not add more stress or anxiety to your life or create friction
• Is something you think about sometimes, but not all the time
• Lets you live according to your values and priorities
• May not look like anyone else’s version (including your past or future self)

If you find you can’t move through your day without all-encompassing thoughts of food or eating, you may be struggling with food restriction, a dieting mindset, or disordered eating behaviors. Simply put, there’s no set definition of “normal eating” but obsessing over every bite or avoiding food altogether is decidedly not normal.

This story is not intended to diagnose, treat, or manage eating disorders or other health conditions. It is intended for informational purposes only. Please consult your health care team or dietitian for individualized recommendations to address concerns.