What The Bloody Hell Is This Hermit Cookie Recipe?

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. — W.C. Fields

What the bloody hell is this? Hermit cookies? Are you kidding me? These cookies look like they’ve been passed down for generations, and it’s about time we put an end to this madness. I mean, who in their right mind would want to eat something called “hermit cookies” anyway? It sounds like the type of thing you’d find at the back of your grandma’s pantry, covered in cobwebs and desperation.

But since you seem insistent on making these, let me at least give you a proper recipe for these…things. Oh, and don’t forget to pour yourself a glass of wine, you’ll need it to stomach the idea of making these hermit cookies.

Now, let’s get started on this nonsense. Here’s a detailed recipe for these so-called hermit cookies, complete with a wine pairing to help wash away the taste of shame.

Old-Fashioned Hermit Cookies

Ingredients:

• 2 cups (240g) all-purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
• 1/2 cup (113g) unsalted butter, softened
• 1 cup (213g) light brown sugar
• 1 large egg
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/4 cup (60ml) milk
• 1 1/2 cups (225g) chopped dates
• 3/4 cup (85g) toasted chopped walnuts

Instructions:

1. Preheat the oven to 400°F. Arrange racks in the bottom and top third of the oven. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper.
2. In a medium mixing bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, and cloves.
3. In a large bowl, beat the butter and brown sugar with a hand mixer on medium speed until light and fluffy, about 5 minutes. Add the egg and vanilla extract, and beat on medium speed until fully combined and the mixture becomes fluffy again, about 1 minute. Pour in the milk and beat on low speed until incorporated.
4. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and fold with a rubber spatula until no dry spots of flour remain. Add the chopped dates and walnuts and fold until evenly distributed through the dough.
5. Use a medium cookie scoop or a spoon to scoop about 2-tablespoon portions. Evenly space 12 cookies on each baking sheet, about 3 inches apart.
6. Place a pan on each rack in the oven and bake for 10 to 12 minutes, rotating the pans from top to bottom and back to front halfway through. The cookies should puff slightly, their centers should be set, and the edges should be golden brown.
7. Wait at least 5 minutes before transferring the cookies to a wire rack to finish cooling.

The cookies will keep in an airtight container on the counter for up to 5 days. I like them best the day after baking.

Nutrition Facts (per serving):

• 159 Calories
• 7g Fat
• 24g Carbs
• 2g Protein

Wine Pairing

Pair these hermit cookies with a glass of Riesling from Dr. Loosen. The sweetness of the wine will help mask the flavor of these, erm, unique cookies.

There you have it, your very own recipe for hermit cookies. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need a drink to erase the memory of this whole ordeal. Cheers!

Bon Appetit

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