What Separates You From The Life You Dream About Is The Word ‘Hard’
Once you accept that there’s a difference between ‘hard’ and ‘harder’, everything else begins to make perfect sense in your life.
The rap on the gate was persistent and urgent; torrent after torrent, without a thought to the human ear drums or the fact that it was just before midnight and the world was already fast asleep.
I was jostled from sleep — and for a second, believed it was a nightmare.
Unfortunately, as I was about to discard the thought and try to go back to sleep again, the bang came again, urgent, persistent, non-forgiving…
“GBAAAM!” “GBAAAAAAM!!” “GBAAAAAAAAAAAM!”
I quickly got up — my heart racing and fearing the worst; the first thought was that we were under attack.
Tiptoeing from my bedroom, I proceeded to my parent’s bedroom; they were already awake and were monitoring events from their window, directly facing the gate.
The bang on the gate continued, this time, much more than was tolerable; it was as if the person who was responsible for it was pursued by a demon, a large serpent, and a mammoth ball of fire and somehow, had managed to believe that our home was the only sanctuary available from the attacks.
“It's me Mrs. *Luma, your neighbor!” The shout was desperate and immediate. “I need your help!”
Mom looked at Dad, Dad looked at Mum and I looked at them both; we all knew the jovial Mrs. Luma, and hard as it was, there was no option…dad took the keys to the gate and we all followed up….
The Simple Emergency That Would Have (Easily) Proved Fatal
Mr. Luma had slumped some moments back and all efforts to revive him had failed; with his breathing highly irregular, his wife fearing the worst, needed help to get him to the hospital fast.
The only challenge was that the family had no car, there was no emergency number to call, and the hospital they attended had only one ambulance — one they had converted to a hearse.
Immediately, Dad understood; leaving the adjacent home of the Lumas, he got the key to our old, trusty Mercedes and in a few minutes, was speeding with the unconscious Mr. Luma to the hospital with his wife and Mum as as passengers.
Back in my bedroom, I couldn’t get back to sleep; my mind raced, a billion and one questions surging through it, top of them simple but frighteningly difficult to answer…
…what if there was no vehicle around to help Mr. Luma to the hospital that night?
Life Is Hard — But It Can Get HARDER
Without a vehicle to convey Mr. Luma to the hospital in a timely manner, he would have died — there was no question about that.
And, that would have been hard…very hard as a matter of fact.
Mr. Luma was a civil servant in the ministry and his wife, Mrs. Luma was a full-time housewife.
His death, would have created a vacuum that would have been difficult to fill — leaving the destiny of the entire family, especially that of his four children entirely at the mercy of fate.
However, looking back, carefully, there were things that the Lumas could have done differently to ensure that they did not have to face such a hard, in the first place.
For instance:
- Instead of watching TV with his family after work, he could have engaged in a side hustle that would have brought in additional income to augment his civil service salary.
- While being a full-time housewife may have benefitted the family, Mrs. Luma could have considered growing a small farm behind the house (there was land enough) so that they wouldn’t need to expend Mr. Luma's meager income on buying food — and maybe, even grow enough to sell.
- Mr. Luma could have taken out time to exercise, instead of being an active couch potato; this exercise would have largely mitigated against such a medical emergency in the first place by keeping him reasonably fit, physically.
As you can see from the above, there were many chances Mr. Luma could have seized in the quest for a better and financially more capable version of himself — and by extension, his family.
Unfortunately, that he did not take them leaves me to believe that he concluded the only way men have been concluding since the dawn of time: “It’s hard work” or, “I don’t have time for that!”
Unfortunately, because he chose to avoid the regular ‘hard’, his life and circumstances significantly became ‘harder’; this, curiously, is the sad fate of anyone who dreams of an impressive life but considers the process to get to that life, hard.
Nothing Good Comes Easy
It was Ollie who sang Nothing Good Comes Easy; I’ve listened to that song many times but each time, I strangely feel that something is missing in the original song…
…something to the effect of “nothing good comes easy — but the boredom of not trying cuts deeper than the pain of putting in the hours and actively trying…”
For perspective:
- Writing consistently online is hard (but the pain of keeping thoughts in your head is ‘harder’).
- Keeping to a budget is hard (but the pain of poverty stings ‘harder’).
- Foregoing alcohol and parties is hard (but the pain of the health challenges and the consequences of intoxication are ‘harder’).
- Keeping faith with your spouse, exclusively, is hard (but the pain of STIs, unhealthy secrecy, ‘drama’, and eventual heartbreak is ‘harder’).
It’s a matter of choice; one of choosing your poison carefully — at the end of the day…no more, no less.
‘Hard’ Can Be Temporary — Or Permanent: You Decide
Growing up, power outages were common — and the old trust Mercedes Pops owned then was without air conditioning.
Each day, as I rode in the rear passenger seat and sweated under the often over 100℉ sun, I swore under my breath that my children wouldn’t EVER be taken to school like that, sweating like goats readied for the slaughter.
Today, that hard has come to pass; irrespective of how hot the sun is, my kids usually have no idea as they are driven to and from school in a tinted, fully air-conditioned sedan.
Daily too, while growing up, when I needed to use power to tackle my homework or simply deliver on a chore, that was usually the moment the public power supply would fail — for no reason at all.
Pops passionately hated the noise gasoline generators ensured, so never got to buy one and that meant darkness for us, during such times.
I made up my mind: if gasoline generators make a lot of noise, what about the solar alternative or the array of other environmentally friendly options?
Today, my kids have no idea when public power fails. The automatic home inverter we use does all the heavy lifting so that they can wrap up whatever they are doing without distraction.
Moral of these stories?
‘Hard’ can either be temporary or permanent: it is entirely your own decision and call.
Wrap-Up: How To Make Your HARD, Temporary
Irrespective of how hard you believe things are at the moment, they can get harder, considerably — and in measures you cannot even fathom now.
Always understand this. Understand too that if you work smartly with the future in sight, the hard you’re facing now will only be temporary — at least, relatively.
With this mindset:
- Actively make decisions not on how hard a reality is in the moment but on how hard it will be — if you fail to act.
- Free time isn’t free in the true sense of the word: put it into productive use (like pursuing a side hustle) instead of being an active couch potato, for instance.
- Delay gratification as much as you can — most things can wait!
Addendum
While I have consistently chosen the hard way to avoid the harder option down the road, the interesting truth is that there isn’t a soft life or long beach walks to simply while away time.
Work still happens, with passion, and will keep on as far as breath is drawn.
This is something you need to understand so as not to be carried away.
*Name has been changed to protect privacy.
