What Self Help Advice Does More Harm Than Good?

When personal experience is more important than theory

Before I start, I want to say that I have gotten so much out of the ideas that I have read, heard, tried and tested for myself. There is so much good in the self-help community. It has been an overwhelmingly positive influence in my life.

I believe the most important thing I learned in self-help is to experiment. Try different ideas, and see for yourself what works and what doesn’t. Keep what’s useful and forget the rest.

It’s possible to suggest that certain ideas tend to work well for most people. But there is no one size fits all. Many ideas simply don’t work for some people. Some ideas lead to unnecessary stress and frustration.

So this got me thinking, what self help ideas have you heard, tried and realized just weren’t worth it?

Here are some worth discussing.

Cold Showers and Ice Baths

Did you take a cold shower only to realize that it just doesn’t feel very nice or comfortable (particularly in the winter)? Worse, did you get hypothermia and die?

Or are you part of the enthusiastic cold plunging elite? Are you the type to take daily cold showers, the occasional ice bath and experience life changing benefits of an improved immune system?

Sure, call me a little cynical but the enthusiasm people have for cold showers seems a little farfetched.

I’m not challenging the health aspect of it as I am not a health expert. I believe it can help athletes heal a little faster, and maybe it does improve your immune system. But I hesitate to recommend any centenarians to start doing it.

For the advocates who say it challenges them and helps cultivate discipline, I would just like to remind them that it’s possible to achieve discipline without preserving yourself cryogenically.

Waking Up Super Early

How does it feel to be fully awake at 4am before the sun rises, when everyone else hasn’t even started their day? Does it still feel great when it hits 7pm and you are exhausted while everyone else in your life is finally available to spend some time together?

Wouldn’t it be easier to keep a similar schedule to the people you interact with and ask them not to bother you when you are busy? Or does waking up early give people powers that I am not aware of?

I understand that getting up a little earlier or staying up a little later can get you some peace and quiet. But do you have to change your drastically to everyone else to reap the benefits? I appreciate some people have obligations that can take away from personal time. However, there’s a difference between waking up an hour earlier and four hours earlier than usual.

Chronotypes

Personally, I really wanted to buy into the idea of chronotypes. I can’t tell you how many times I have described the owl as my spirit animal.

I haven’t found any reliable indicator that I am more energetic at any particular time of day. I used to call myself a night person but it was more reflective of poor sleeping habits and an over active mind.

It’s only clear that I am less productive when I have things or people to distract me. I am also less productive when I haven’t eaten, feel emotionally challenged, sleep deprived, or in a self-induced food coma after a large meal.

It’s not exactly a scientific breakthrough to say that I am less energetic at the end of the day when I have been awake longer. My energy levels and productivity also depend on my enthusiasm for what I am doing.

I’m not saying that chronotypes are garbage. Maybe you stand by them but I find that I can eventually adapt to any schedule with negligible loss of energy/productivity. If you call that changing your chronotype, then I start calling BS.

Minimalism (in relation to possessions not purpose)

I’m all for the purposeful living aspect of minimalism. In many ways I consider myself an essentialist.

However, I am a messy individual. You might even call me a slob. It’s not because I’m lazy, I am extremely hard working. I just don’t really care about tidying up. It’s important to me that things are clean but messy or “out of place” isn’t a big deal.

I don’t understand the ritual of taking something out, using it and putting it away only to do the same again the next day. I appreciate that it doesn’t look nice to have things out of place. But assuming you don’t need the space for anything else, why can’t that item just always be out? Wouldn’t that be more efficient?

Of course, I enjoy a tidier space but the effort of tidying up and the joy gained from it usually cancel each other out. I don’t get stressed by a chaotic workspace. It’s only when it gets really out of hand, that it seems beneficial to tidy up.

The only thing I have learned is the less stuff you have, the less you need to tidy. So I buy a little less stuff.

You tell me if that makes me a minimalist because I swear that definition changes by the minute.

In the past, I wanted to buy into this idea of minimalism so badly: to trim down all your possessions into a few meaningful ones. It was and still is being virtue signalled like crazy.

I wanted to reduce the unnecessary materialistic goods in my life, downsize my living space and live in an airy, white walled, wood floored, pastel accented tiny home.

In reality, that newly found desire only made me more stressed about an untidy living space. Something that never bothered me before. Also, I have to say, if I could sum up the idea of wasting time, it would be learning to fold my clothes in a particular way. It’s a personal opinion but it no where near as satisfying as it is made out to be. I am far happier keeping unfolded T shirts and boxers in separate drawers.

Meditation / Mindfulness / Journaling

How commercialized is the meditation space these days? How many different apps do we need? How many nuances of meditation can we benefit from? At some point it starts to take away more than it adds.

I understand the value of guidance and coaching. It helps accelerate the process of learning almost anything. There are many different methods you can follow in order to meditate.

Do we really need to pay someone or subscribe to an app, to help us find a comfortable sitting position to concentrate (or not concentrate) on particular (or vague) thoughts and/or feelings?

People are selling courses to teach you how to keep a journal too. I didn’t realize it was possible to journal incorrectly?

There are constantly new and growing sub categories of self-help. Some more helpful than others. The industry is worth billions of dollars. You have to ask yourself, how many of these “new” techniques add value to us, and how many are just another ploy to make money?

Conclusion

I appreciate that this article makes me seem very cynical. I can only reassert that self-help as a whole has greatly improved my life over the years.

I typically write about the benefits of self-help but I felt this was just as important to bring to your attention. The point of self-help is to serve you, the goal isn’t to add more things to your already full to-do list.

You do not have to accept and adopt every “good” idea you come across.

It’s clear when certain advice is applied to specific situations, some ideas can lead to better outcomes. Others lead to more stress and frustration.

It’s also possible to misunderstand concepts and misapply ideas.

I’m sure there’s more to some of the above that I haven’t touched on but that’s part of the point. There is far more information than you can process or need.

I have enough lessons to live the life that I want. It’s likely you do too.

I am curious to know if there has been any particular idea that you tried but it made your life a little worse rather than better.

I would love to discuss this with you in the comments but please keep your criticism to ideas. I would like to avoid naming and shaming specific people who are trying to help.

If you found that interesting but wanted to know more about which self-help ideas have helped me, here are 5 books that have changed my life.