Show Haters You Can Do Just Fine Without Them

Ignoring Them is the Best Revenge

“It is the dynamic of all interactions… By acknowledging other people, even if only to fight with them, you open yourself up to their influence.”

-Robert Greene

Haters gonna hate, but your response is up to you.

An argument or a fight is like a dance. They poke at you to get a reaction. You get angry and poke back. You react to their moves, they respond to yours. In sync, you move back and forth like ballroom dancers.

By acknowledging a hater, you become subject to their influence. This influence is magnified when you fight because the emotions are so intense.

By reacting to them, you are playing their game, not yours. Your attention becomes fixed on a pointless battle that has no payoff.

You get upset. They own space in your head. Your productivity comes to a halt.

They pull you around by your ego like a bull with a ring in its nose.

A hater who does not like you and wants to see you fail has gained influence over you. Not because they provoked you but because you took the bait.

“All bad behavior is really a request for love, attention, or validation.”

― Kimberly Giles

They want your validation

Interestingly, when someone picks a fight with you, they are looking for your validation.

Strange, isn’t it? They want a reaction because, more than anything else, they want your attention. By acknowledging a hater, you give him substance.

Don’t give a hater the validation they seek.

Ignore them

Ignore them as if they are children or pet animals. Their infantile misbehavior is not worth getting upset about.

In Law 36 of “The 48 Laws of Power,” Robert Greene says when someone jabs at you, “consider the matter trivial and unworthy of your interest…The best lesson you can teach an irritating gnat is to consign it to oblivion by ignoring it.”

He goes on to say,

“Ignore the petty irritant with disdain and contempt like it is beneath you to even consider him worthy of your attention. Contempt is the prerogative of the king. Where his eyes turn, what he decides to see is what has reality. What he ignores and turns his back on does not exist. You show people then, you can do just fine without them.”

Refuse to respond and dwell upon an insult

The decisive move is to ignore the offense.

Choose what you allow to occupy your mind. It’s a cliche but true: someone can only bother you if you let them. What you don’t react to, what you do not dwell on, cannot control you and drag you down.

When you refuse to respond and dwell upon an insult, it doesn’t have time to grab your pride. So when someone goes after you, let it go like it never happened.

Imagine the whole episode evaporating into thin air.

We have better things to do with our time than engage with haters. Show the haters you can do just fine without them.

Fix your attention on those good people who appreciate you. Spend your time making your dreams a reality. Then, you’ll respect yourself and live a great life.

“I don’t have time, energy, or interest in hating the haters; I’m too busy loving the lovers.”

-Steve Maraboli