What Plato’s Lysis Can Teach Us About Friendship in the 21st Century
Friendship is one of the most fundamental and universal aspects of humanity. As we go through life, we all need friends to share our joys and sorrows. The best of friends improve us by challenging us and helping us discover strengths we didn’t know we had. But what is friendship, really? How do we define it, and what makes it valuable?
These are some of the questions that Plato explored in his dialogue Lysis, written around 380 BCE. In this dialogue, Socrates speaks with two young boys, Lysis and Menexenus, who are friends, as well as Hippothales, who is in love with Lysis. Socrates tries to find out what friendship is, and what makes someone a friend or a beloved.
He proposes four possible notions of friendship:
- Friendship between people who are similar, interpreted by Socrates as friendship between good men.
- Friendship between people who are dissimilar.
- Friendship between people who are neither good nor bad and good men.
- Friendship between those who are relatives by the nature of their souls.
However, none of these seem to satisfy Socrates, as he finds logical flaws and contradictions in each of them. He concludes that he does not know what friendship is, and that he needs to learn from someone who does.
The Lessons for Us
Plato’s Lysis is one of the least studied of his works, as it does not offer a clear answer or a coherent philosophy of friendship. However, it does raise some important issues and challenges that are still relevant today.
For one, what is “real” friendship?
Consider the impact of social media on our real-life friendships. We live in a digital and connected world, where we can easily interact (or feel like we interact) with many people simultaneously. Status updates can make us feel closer to our virtual friends. However, this can also take away time and attention from our face-to-face relationships, and make us less invested and present for physical friends. How do we balance our online and offline interactions, and how do we foster and sustain friendships that are not only based on likes, comments, or shares?
Another challenge is the value and quality of friendship in the modern world. We live in a fast-paced and competitive society, where we face constant pressures and demands from work, family, and and yes, even friends. How do we balance our personal and professional lives, and how do we cultivate and maintain friendships that are not based on self-interest, utility, or convenience?
One of the most intriguing aspects of Plato’s Lysis is Socrates’ claim that friendship is based on improvement and that the good do not need friends. According to Socrates, friendship is a form of love that seeks the good of the beloved, and that can only exist between those who are not fully good themselves.
The good, he argues, are self-sufficient and have no lack or desire that can be fulfilled by another. They are happy and blessed, and do not need anyone else to make them better.
However, most people are not good, but rather ignorant and in need of wisdom. They are attracted to those who can help them improve their souls and attain virtue. This is why Socrates himself, who professes to know nothing, seeks out friends who can teach him something valuable. Friendship, then, is a mutual pursuit of the good, a shared journey towards wisdom and happiness.
How does this view of friendship compare to our contemporary understanding of it? Do we still value friendship as a source of improvement and growth, or do we seek friends for other reasons, such as company, entertainment, or convenience? Do we still regard friendship as a noble and virtuous relationship, or do we treat it as a casual and disposable one?
Do we still aspire to be good friends, or do we settle for being good acquaintances?
These are some of the questions that Plato’s Lysis can inspire us to ask ourselves, and to discuss with our friends. By reading and reflecting on this dialogue, we can gain a deeper understanding of the nature and value of friendship.
