What People Really Want in a Mate: The Cold Hard Truth (And Why You Shouldn’t Care)
Warning: this is not politically correct, but it is real.
Men like stupid women. Women like rich men.
Is that true? Whatever you think you know, at least one of the findings in this study will surprise and frustrate you.
We fooled ourselves long enough. It’s time to know the truth and see what we can do about it.
In one study conducted by economist Raymond Fisman and colleagues for Columbia University, 392 single men and women were invited to participate in a speed-dating event. Each participant went on between 10 and 20 four-minute speed dates with members of the opposite sex. They then rated the attractiveness, intelligence and ambition of each person they met on a 1-to-10 scale and indicated whether they would like that person’s contact information so they could see them again. (The Providence Journal)
Here’s what the study found:
- Both sexes care most about attractiveness, but men do care slightly more.
- Being attractive mattered far more than intelligence.
- Both men and women care about intelligence, but men only half as much as women.
- Men valued women’s intelligence only if it didn’t exceed their own. If women’s intelligence and ambition were stronger than their own, they found that off-putting.
- Other studies show that when women out-earn their husbands, marital satisfaction is lower, and divorce is more likely. And yet another that single women are aware and self-conscious about this and try to hide their ambition from potential mates.
- Women prefer men raised in more prosperous areas. Men don’t care about that.
- Women are significantly more interested in partners of the same race. Men didn’t seem to care.
- Men’s standards remain the same no matter how many potential partners they meet. For women it’s the opposite: their standards rise the more potential for coupling they find.
I told you it wasn’t going to be politically correct, but hard and cold.
I’m not even going to start analyzing why humans are the way they are. I’ll just point out that misanthropes are probably right and study after study proves it. But I also believe there is a way to do better than this study.
Why you shouldn’t care:
1. Men and women: if someone wouldn’t choose you because you’re not attractive enough, keep moving without looking back.
Caring about attractiveness is natural, but only at first sight. If somebody chooses someone else for the sole reason that they’re better looking than you, consider yourself lucky you dodged a bullet.
You don’t need someone so shallow in your life unless you’re shallow yourself, and in that case by all means, please stick together so the rest of the world has as little of you as possible. Please and thank you.
As long as you are taking care of your general appearance, are clean, don’t have holes in your clothes, and look like you care, it should be enough.
Ridiculously high-maintenance requests and preferences such as fake boobs, huge muscles, and other features belonging to the unnatural and needing an ungodly amount of health, time, and effort to obtain and sustain should be left to people who actually make their living from it, like the Kardashians.
Or the ones who have nothing better to do with their time. Like the Kardashians.
2. Women: if you are one of those who play small so that some guy might be into her, stop it right now!
Why would you want somebody so lame? Someone who can’t handle your intelligence or your ambition to make your life better or contribute to a better world?
That man is not worth being in your life. Or anybody’s life, for that matter! They need to rise above it or keep walking!
If you’re a smart woman, look for smart men.
If at some point in your relationship you get smarter and you feel the relationship going south, leave! Again, look for a man smart enough to be able to handle the full package that you are!
Be aware that today the number of women attending higher education is greater than that of men. Naturally, in a few decades, or even sooner, more and more women will be more ambitious than men. What are you going to do? Not go to school? Play the bimbo, while you have a Ph.D. in your pocket so that some men could love you? Let them rise the standards for themselves, don’t lower your own!
Do not, under any circumstances, ever dim your sun to fit somebody else’s candle! You won’t be happy that way and if he is, he’s not worth it!
3. Men: if a woman is not into you because you weren’t raised in the right neighborhood, let her be.
There is logic behind it, but that’s not an excuse for the other party to accept it.
It’s natural to prefer someone with money over somebody without money, but not as the main characteristic. More like a 7th or 8th kind of preference.
Because women have a very long history of not being allowed to make their own money, their subconscious is wired to choose men who would provide.
But times are changing. Women have more and more chances to make their own money and be independent. It will take a while for the subconscious to get there too, but it will happen.
Don’t lose hope and keep away from the gold diggers. An abusive past is not an excuse to use others.
Conclusion:
The results of the study are not very encouraging for the moral, emotional, and spiritual quality of our society.
Our animal brain is still going strong and commanding us around. But I do believe that there is a lot each of us can do to prevent ourselves from being trapped in being bossed around by an antiquated machine that ruins our chance at happiness by keeping us in constant survival mode
The best thing you can do is: don’t play the game.
Rise above it! You’re better than this! It does take some work but the results are a happy fulfilled life. Don’t let them use you, do what’s best for yourself and everybody else!
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