What Opening a Laundry Detergent Box Taught Me About My Marriage

Small things can make a big difference in a marriage, especially relating to differences.

“Happiness [is] only real when shared.”

Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild

Sometimes, I try to be helpful around the house and do the laundry or wash the dishes and I will often inadvertently really piss off my wife.

Because I don’t do it the right way or her way.

I could clean up for two or three hours and she will find something I did that is wrong. There might be a spot of water on a glass. Or maybe I put something back in a desk drawer and now she can’t find it or I put a book she was reading back into a bookshelf that was lying on a table.

Yesterday, the issue was the laundry. My wife doesn’t like it if I mix towels and clothes, but that wasn’t the mistake I made that caused her to go on a rant. This is what I did … I opened the laundry detergent box the wrong the way.

Seriously, I didn’t know there is a wrong way to open a laundry detergent box. I just grabbed the top of the box, ripped across the top and, yeah, I tossed some clothes into the washing machine.

I didn’t think twice about there being another way — a little black tab on the top side of the box that says, “Pull here to open,” and I am 52 and I have been doing laundry for a long time.

My wife came home and then I found out there is a wrong way to open the laundry detergent box — and she had told me this several times.

In her article, “Four Arguments Against Divorce To Consider Before Calling it Quits,” Tonda R. Bian shares a thought most couples struggling in a marriage often ignore during tough times, but they might realize is true after a divorce:

“Finding that ideal new partner might likely turn into an impossibility or yet another failed relationship.”

Bain is talking about the illusion that there is a “perfect spouse” out there and divorce begins as soon as one partner believes there is a better partner rather than working on the relationship.

Her argument is: we need to learn how to work on our relationship and how to communicate better with our partner rather than call it quits and have the same problem with a new partner.

Unless, of course, infidelity or abuse is involved.

Or, sometimes, we may simply need to stop and learn an important lesson from a conflict, and that’s kinda what happened with the soapbox.

At first, I thought my wife was causing more damage to our relationship with her rant than I was by how I opened a laundry detergent box.

It created stress for our son — and we went out on the patio where a stray cat has taken refuge.

I couldn’t believe she was this angry by how I opened a soapbox, but then I realized the issue wasn’t the soapbox. It was something deeper.

The issue was me understanding my wife.

If I know something might set her off and make her go on a rant because she is more particular than me about things, I should be more aware of how I open the laundry detergent box or try not to get into the turn lane at the last second.

Or buy the wrong kind of bacon at Walmart.

Or forget to take enough vitamin D pills.

Or have the volume turned off on my phone.

There are hundreds of other examples I could give, but before I start on my own rant, I will remind myself of the main point I just made: the issue is me understanding my wife, and if this means changing how I open a soapbox, I plan to pull that tiny tab on the side next time.

Because small things make a big difference in a marriage — they show that you’re listening and understanding the perspective of your partner.

The small things, like making bacon the way my wife likes it (chewy, not crispy), really do matter because it reveals I am making an effort to view things her way, even if this can be hard at times.

My wife and I are total opposites and the way we think about life tends to be different. I am laid back and more loosely-goosey while she is anxious and worries what others are thinking.

But the old adage goes, “happy wife, happy life,” and I believe there’s a lot of truth to this maxim.

I share an important lesson in my journey as a writer in this YouTube video. It’s about how I didn’t heal from my wounds as a writer and I let this stop me from writing for over a decade.