What Not to Say at the Laundromat

When you want to say you noticed her nipples but refrain from comment.

To the guy at the laundromat who likes my nipples, good idea not saying anything while we were getting acquainted. I saw you look down a few times and try not to stare. I ignored it. You seemed like a nice enough guy otherwise.

Of course, I added the compliment. I’ve been accustomed to accommodating men. It’s a survival mechanism, in case you’re not a nice enough guy after all. It’s common among womxn to act like nothing’s wrong so we can stay safe.

I guess that’s what I did at a subconscious level. It’s probably why I didn’t say anything the minute I saw your eyes shift toward my chest. Womxn are used to this by now. But it’s still not ok to objectify me. It’s never ok. I don’t want this to be so commonplace that I’m used to it.

We made pleasant conversation. I’m ok with making new friends. You have a kid around the same age as my oldest. I felt like exchanging numbers. It was strictly platonic. I made it clear via text after you called me beautiful.

Then you made a big mistake. I consider it a blessing in disguise when you showed your true colors. You told me it was hard not to be attracted with my nipples showing. You mentioned it was a guy thing. No, I don’t think so.

I waited a few hours to formulate my response. You gave me a prime opportunity to stand up for myself. I told you how it felt to reduce me to a sexual object.

Staring at my nipples and telling me about it isn’t a “guy” thing. It’s objectification and totally unacceptable. Take this as a future lesson, it’s never ok to reduce a woman to an object. Those nipples you just sexualized fed my babies. You don’t get to tell me about them. They belong to me. I liked our conversation and you seem like a decent human otherwise. I hope you will take this to heart and make a different choice next time.

In retrospect, I could have been harsher. You have no right to treat me with such utter disrespect.

I’m not sure why I gave you my number. Maybe I wanted to believe it was possible to be friends with a guy without him trying to get something from me. I suppose I was in denial about you leering at me. I didn’t want to believe you’d be such an asshole. Honestly, I want to believe in the goodness of everyone.

I practiced some necessary boundaries with you. I’m pretty clear on what I want and don’t want. I’m all for attention, but not the kind you gave me. I love myself enough to expect nothing but mutual respect and kindness.

Next time we see each other at the laundromat, do me a favor. Don’t look at me unless you’re making eye contact. Better yet, I’d welcome an apology anytime.

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