What Netflix’s Tinder Swindler Can Teach Us About Life, Love and Dating
Three lessons from the infamous fraud story
“It’s my enemies, honey” — Simon Leviev.
Last night we watched a new movie on Netflix called The Tinder Swindler.
It’s a documentary about the conman who has been cheating on girls and swindling them out of their money.
He treated them with expensive gifts and a luxury lifestyle to make them believe he was a billionaire. After they fall for it, he would ask them to take on a loan and give him money.
Huge amounts of money. Hundreds of thousands of dollars.
While it all sounds crazy, the stories from the victims’ perspectives sound somewhat realistic. You could believe it’s all true. But the red flags are there.
Here’s what this infamous documentary can teach us about life, love, and dating.
A Modern True-Crime Story
The story of the documentary is based on real events.
The conman with many names Shimon Hayut, or Simon Leviev, came up with a scam. While he defrauds one girl for money, he is “working” the other one trying to build a relationship with her and prove his worth.
He travels around with a private jet pretending to be on business trips. In reality, it allows him to see them all. When the time comes, he says his enemies are watching him, and he can’t use his credit cards, so he needs money.
His multiple girlfriends take on a loan for him. While one girl gives him the money, he uses it to have a good time with another one. Those girls pay for his lifestyle.
An elaborative Ponzi scheme.
It is a crazy story. But we’ve got to admit: he is extremely good at what he does. He thought through every little detail. He is (or seems to be) attentive, caring, and in love. He skillfully plays with emotions and gets what he needs.
Man, you’ve got to have guts to do something like this. Impressive.
As the journalist in the documentary said: it’s almost like a perfect scam. Technically, no one can arrest you for lying and borrowing the money.
Lessons We Can Learn from It
#1 Beware of fake news
If you meet a person online, you probably google them. You’d check out their Instagram and other available social profiles.
You’d believe whatever you find online because it seems legit. If you see the news articles, photos, 100k+ followers, you don’t have a reason not to believe.
That’s what Simon used to his advantage.
He photoshopped himself into a photo of a rich Israeli family posing as their son. He planted some news articles about him being in the diamond business. He faked some email addresses, documents, and passports.
It was all a fraud. Most of the information victims found on him on the internet was false.
How could they know they can’t trust it? Unless you are an investigator or a very distrusting person, there is no reason not to believe him.
Everybody can post what they want online. We can’t tell what is true and what is fake. We can only trust our instincts and judgment, which is often clouded when it comes to emotions and relationships.
We can’t blame victims for trusting what they found online, but we should question it and double-check, whenever we have the chance.
#2 Don’t get on a jet on the first date
It all seemed like a typical Tinder date.
He created a sense of urgency and said he would leave London tomorrow. He offered to meet up for a coffee the next day and Cecilie agreed.
He charms his victim with his openness and generosity. He even invites her to join him and go to Bulgaria on a private jet right away.
Seriously, who gets on a private jet with the man you’ve just met and his (supposedly) ex-wife and a kid?
Although I feel sympathy for the girl, she probably didn’t think straight. She was looking for love, and she found a charming prince who was vulnerable, emotional, and caring. She fell for it.
We see what we want to see in other people. They show us what they want to show. We don’t see the bigger picture.
If we are happy with what we see, why look further?
You never really know a person you go on a date with. Perhaps we should hold on and get to know them better until we go all-in.
#3 Never ignore the red flags
The girls felt an emotional connection with Simon. They were charmed and in love with the illusion he created. I understand that.
But what I find weird is that they were willing to take a loan after a month of knowing him.
Let’s think for a second: the guy is traveling around the world every day. If she knows him for a month, how many times has she actually seen him?
When I think back to my relationship, we saw each other no more than a couple of times per week. As much as I trusted my boyfriend back then, I don’t see myself taking on a loan after seeing him a few times.
Moreover, if he needs help, why would he ask me of all people? Does he not have any close friends, business partners, rich parents, cash locked up in a safe? That’s at least strange.
I acknowledge it’s easier to say than do. Simon played with girls’ emotions and fear. Maybe they were naive or believed in a fairy tale. But some things simply don’t add up.
We should always zoom out from a situation and look at it as a third person. If something feels off, maybe we should keep questioning it and not be afraid to come off as untrusting.
Final Words
It’s easy to judge the victims when you sit on the opposite side of the screen. We can’t account for their feelings and emotions. So we don’t know how we would behave in a situation like this.
We should be more understanding — anybody can become a fraud victim. But we also need to stay rational in any situation. If you have a gut feeling that something is off, don’t ignore it.
The girls are brave for speaking out and pouring out their stories publicly. Regardless of who you support here, raising awareness for the issue is a good thing.
I just hope everyone will get what they deserve.
Want to read more? Join my free newsletter for more insights and reads.
If you enjoyed this story, consider becoming a member for 5$/month. A small part of your membership fee will go to support my writing if you sign up here.
