What Narcissistic Abuse Really Costs Survivors
Your potential is forever changed when the people who should love you most make the choice to abuse you.
by E.B. Johnson
Narcissistic abuse is not quite like anything else we experience in a toxic relationship. A mix of abuse and manipulation, dealing with a narcissist drains you and destroys the inner you in truly hard-to-comprehend ways.
Our self-esteem is damaged by them. Our future relationships are warped. Even our ability to earn and support ourselves can be affected.
There are deep costs for those who survive and make it to the other side of narcissistic abuse. The way we see ourselves is forever changed, and our dreams can be changed, too.
Ready to recover from the pain and confusion of narcissistic abuse and manipulation? Accept these brutal realities and embrace a new you on the other side.
What narc abuse really costs survivors.
Being narcissistically abused as a child costs you a lot more than just a little chaos. When children are undermined by the parent who puts themselves first, they lose access to a stable self-image, stable relationships, and a stable adult life.
Their self-image
Narcissistic parents teach their children how to see themselves through that same warped delusion that everything else is built within. That means this child never really gets to know who they are. They fail to develop a stable self-concept.
They don’t know how strong they are, what their true talents are, or how brightly they can shine. So their self-esteem never develops, and everything from their relationships to their career prospects are affected.
Their self-esteem
Our self-esteem is a crucial part of everything in our adult lives. Without high self-esteem, we stumble into terrible relationships and self-sabotage. We take out the pain of the past on ourselves, and set ourselves to be a total drain on the world around us.
High self-esteem is a crucial part of having the courage and strength to set boundaries and to make better choices for yourself. Those with stable self-esteem can take significant action in the name of their values, beliefs, and the things they desire most in life and love.
Their future relationships
You’d be hard pressed to find an N.A. (narcissistic abuse) survivor who hasn’t had a bad relationship or two. We’re conditioned to fall right into them. How could we not be? By suffering parents who compete with us, parents who make us perform for love, we become compliant and seek partners who can provide us with the same control and negative feedback.
Their career options
Because the self-esteem and self-image of N.A. survivors is so compromised, many can find themselves struggling professionally in their adult lives. In this capitalist society we live in, that becomes a real problem in survival and meeting our basic needs.
Anxiety, depression, sleep deprivation, chronic illness, PTSD — all of that can come into play for the individual with a history of narcissistic abuse. It can be almost impossible for survivors to maintain stable and beneficial work when dealing with the debilitating effects of these symptoms.
Their peace of mind
It’s hard to operate in a state of peace when you are someone living with PTSD. Traumatized into a state of hyper-arousal, the nervous system becomes activated and basically never de-activates itself.
Survivors living with PTSD go into survival mode. Not only does that put them into a state of anxiety, but it also forces the body to go into an overload of cortisol production…which has real-world consequences for our long-term physical health.
Worse than that, the survivor gets keyed up and wound up against all kinds of triggers. Exposed to those triggers, they can spiral back into an experience of their trauma. This can force the to lash out, self-isolate (to an extreme), or otherwise sabotage their own lives and wellbeing.
Their financial stability
While we don’t really think of it, our financial instability can be a direct result of the narcissistic abuse we experience and the trauma that we’re exposed to. Adults of narcissistic parents can grow up to deal with conditions like ADHD, which unfortunately come with the price tag of manic and impulse spending.
Their health
Chronic illness is common among the children of abusive, narcissistic parents. Several studies have shown that children who are exposed to high levels of stress and trauma in their early years can go on to develop chronic pain conditions, higher instances of cardiac disease, and even heightened risk of Alzheimer’s and dementia.
It makes sense. Our bodies (and our brains) are essentially machines. Precise, and organic, there is still only so much trauma they can withstand before they are exhausted and worn — inside and out.
How to come back from narc abuse…
All narcissists wreak havoc on the lives of those who love them most. Being raised by narcissistic parents, or attaching ourselves to them romantically, can lead to major heartbreak and upset in our adult lives.
We are groomed for further abuse, but it also sets us up for personal confusion and self-loathing.
In order to find our way to a happy and productive future, we have to let go of the narcissistic abuse passed down to us by our parents and partners, then recognize the signs of their abuse in our lives.
Build up your understanding of narcissists and the toxic impact they have on our lives. Stop blaming yourself and accept that you cannot change the narcissist; only they can change themselves.
Get in touch with your emotions again, so you can start creating the boundaries that will keep you safe in the future.
Though narcissists can have a long and damaging effect on our lives, those challenges don’t have to last forever. Make the choice today to live a better tomorrow for you. After all, you’re the only one in control of your happiness.
Springer, K. W., Sheridan, J., Kuo, D., & Carnes, M. (2003). The long-term health outcomes of childhood abuse. An overview and a call to action. Journal of general internal medicine, 18(10), 864–870. https://doi.org/10.1046/j.1525-1497.2003.20918.x
© E.B. Johnson 2022
