What My Sister’s Sickness Taught Me About Life
More than you can imagine
August 2018, I received a phone call from my sister in London. I remember the date — my son’s birthday, August 19, to be exact. My world crumbled that evening; I received the news that my other sister was sick, really sick. She had been admitted to the hospital, the diagnosis, ulcerative colitis. She had just undergone surgery to remove part of her colon; I froze, heart pounding I passed out for a second.
I instantly canceled all of my plans and booked a flight.
My sister’s illness shook me to the core, mentally, I am still recovering. Writing about it is the only way for me; it’s more than therapy for me, its a drug. Sometimes I want to talk about the haunting nightmares I have, the flashbacks I have of my sister lying in a hospital bed with tubes — the loud, beeping sound of the monitor that observed all her vital stats.
The experience changed me; I will never be the same again. Maybe I am stronger, or perhaps I have slipped into a new way of life, a new normal.
Health is More Important Than Money
One of the most important lessons I learned from my sister’s sickness is that health is more important than money. Health is wealth; if you are healthy, fit, and strong, you can achieve anything; however, you can’t do much if you are lying in a hospital bed.
These days, I try to prioritize my health; I am on a weight loss journey right now, it is hard, but I am pushing through because I want to get into the best shape of my life. Health is more important to me than ever.
Seeing my sister suffer day in and day out made me sit up and look at my own life. Sickness can strike anyone; even the seemingly healthy get sick. Nonetheless, eating healthy, managing stress, and moving your body can reduce the risk of heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and various other life-threatening diseases.
I am guilty of working 18 to 20 hour days sometimes; maximum productivity is always the goal; however, I am trying to work smarter these days. I put my health first most of the time.
My sister and I are similar; we are highly ambitious, fiercely, competitive, and hardworking. When we both lived at my parent’s house in England, we would stay up all night, guzzling coffee and coke to get more work done. It was like a silent competition, make money, grind harder, boost productivity at all costs, even to the detriment of our health.
An old friend of mine once asked me why I work for hours each day. She said:
“Abena, health is more important than money. When you don’t have your health, you will find it hard to make money. When you do have your health, you can live more, make more, and love more.”
My friend’s quote struck a chord with me, but I only changed my thought process when my sister got sick.
Family Should Spend Time Together in Good Times Too
One of the things that break my heart is that my family rarely come together; we do so when something goes wrong. I recently heard some terrible news about one of my cousins; we rarely talk to them or see them. Now that bad news has reared its ugly head again; the family has pulled together.
Families should spend time together in good times and in bad, not just in bad times.
The Food We Eat Can Change the Course of Our Lives
Food is medicine or poison. It can either kill you slowly or nourish and rejuvenate you. Filling your body with junk food daily could send you into an early grave or send you to the emergency room or ICU. I am not going to sit here and say that food is the only factor because there are many reasons why people get sick. Stress also plays a significant part. There are also environmental factors; the list is endless. However, one thing we can control is the food that we eat.
A study published in the British Journal, The Lancet states that poor diets lead to one in five deaths. Eating lots of processed foods, sugary and fatty foods could also cause high blood pressure, diabetes, and various other potentially deadly diseases.
The study recommended plenty of whole foods such as grains, vegetables, fruits, nuts and seeds, and natural protein.
Eating junk food is addictive. I recently wrote an article about my food addiction and how I am trying to overcome it. Most of the time, I eat healthy foods; however, at times, I binge on junk, I end up feeling like crap, and then the whole cycle starts all over again. I am trying to be better; I am working on it, and so far, so good.
To feel happier and healthier to eat more:
Fruits
Vegetables
Healthy fats
Natural protein
Eat less:
Processed foods
Junk snacks
Fast food
Sugary snacks
Sugary drinks
Life is Fleeting
Life passes by in the blink of an eye. A few years ago, my 18-year-old cousin died from septicemia; it came as a shock, too sudden, too fast. It made me realize that life is just too short. Everything can end in a split second, so much wasted potential, so many what-ifs, and so many regrets.
One minute, my sister was fine, talking and working and powering through life like she always does. The next minute, she was lying in a hospital bed. Things changed in a New York second, too quick, short, sharp, and uncomfortable. Life is short, live it well.
God is Real
The moment I saw my sister walking again, smiling again, laughing again, talking again. I believed that God is real. I grew up Christian, always questioning the existence of the so-called God. This being that people say is our Almighty Creator, Omnipotent, Omnipresent, and Omniscient.
I have since converted to Islam, and I know for sure that Allah is real.
I Am Stronger Than I Thought
I am stronger, much stronger than I thought. The night I stepped on to the plane to fly to London to face one of the most terrifying experiences of my life, I swallowed my fear, took a deep breath, and faced the trauma like a boss.
I cooked, cleaned, grocery shopped, typed and typed, submitted work, homeschooled my son, took long walks, wrote a book, wrote 100 poems, prayed, and prayed and prayed.
We pulled together as a family, and now my sister lives a normal life. We were strong, we are strong, but on days when I feel weak, sad, angry, and scared, I cry, write, listen to music, watch Netflix, go for walks, talk to my son, and we get through it. We pray, and we pray some more; we pour our fear, sadness, and anger into the prayer.
I lean into this Quaran verse whenever I am feeling low:
“And be steadfast in patience, for verily Allah will not suffer the reward of the righteous to perish.” Chapter 65, Verse 2–3
My Son is a Warrior
My son is a fighter, so small yet so strong; he is only 11 years old. He held my hand through every tear. He spent time making my sister laugh during every hospital trip, prayed with me, sang to me, and watched funny movies with me. Through it all, he gave me strength; I didn’t ask him to help me through; he just did.
My son, the fighter, the warrior, the love of my life, the gift and blessing from Allah.
I Need to Take Care of Myself
Self-care is a medicine; I take care of myself now more than I ever have. Still battling food addiction and sometimes depression and anxiety, but on days when I don’t feel up to facing the grind, I take a self-care break. I deserve it; if you are reading this, you deserve it too.
“Love yourself first, and everything else falls in line. You have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”- Lucille Ball-
Therapy is Important
Therapy is self-love; releasing pent up emotion, fear, anger, sadness, or guilt is life-changing. My whole world changed when I took the first step towards nurturing my mental health.
Most people fear therapy because they think of the evil “shrink” in movies; however, attending therapy sessions is not the only way to benefit from therapy. Writing down your thoughts and feelings in a journal is a form of therapy; meditating, exercising, talking about your problems with friends and family, it all falls in line with therapy.
The purpose of therapy is to release, let go, understand, delve deep, forgive, learn, and grow.
I need more therapy. My whole family needs it; everybody needs it.
Children Are Powerful
Finally, I learned how relentless and powerful children are. My son is a powerhouse, his prayers, love, and wishes work wonders. He is my gemstone, my precious, imperfect gemstone.
Final Thoughts
Life is hard; challenging times will come and go. The beauty lies in gaining the strength to dust yourself off and start again.
About Me:
Who is Abena? I am a multi-passionate writer, creative entrepreneur, industrialist and perpetual over-thinker. I have a deep interest in progressive lifestyle, plant-based nutrition, tech, philosophy, and the science of success and happiness. I write fiction and poetry and I have two YouTube channels.
Plant-based living and health channel
Delve deep into my story, navigating the world as a creative entrepreneur, writer, digital investor, and mother by flipping through the pages of my memoir>>>Delve My Heartfelt Notes on Delving Deep and Climbing High Also, slide into my DMs on the gram @abenatalks and let’s have a purposeful conversation.
I own Pink Intrigue, a content creation company that offers a unique content subscription service at a low monthly cost.
