What My Dog Taught Me About Ego

My last dog’s name was Esther, a Staffordshire bull terrier. Esther had so many wonderful characters: loving, loyal, playful. For most of her life she had lots of energy. She once killed a cat, a very expensive cat. Nobody knows how it happened. Her and the cat were playing and Esther must have grabbed at the cat’s hind leg. An artery in the leg was severed and Esther was found licking the cat’s head trying (I guess) to revive her. I will never know.

Esther came to me because of that. Her owner, a former girlfriend, asked me if I would take her so she didn’t have to be put down. I quickly learned that Esther had a tremendous amount of energy that could be released in positive or negative ways. I would come home from work and find the place trashed, her plush toys destroyed, those dreaded squeakers torn out.

I would get up at 4:30 every morning and we would walk in the dark through a path for an hour. Esther was calm and happy. I got exercise and energy for work. Esther loved people, loved kids, she liked some but not all dogs. She was not aggressive towards them but if they were towards her Esther would have one of two reactions. She would either look at them like she was saying “does it know who I am?” or she would start an almost stalking type approach. I would always shorten my hand on her lead to prevent anything from happening and even pick her up and hold her to protect dogs that wouldn’t stop barking and being aggressive. Their owners would eventually come to get them while apologizing and telling me how “good” their dogs are “usually”.

Those dogs for some reason were never on a leash. I used the short leash technique with people also. Especially kids. If they wanted to pet her I would make sure Esther was sitting, my hand close to the collar. She was always gentle with kids and people we met. I, however, was always cautious. Pit Bulls are loving, wonderful dogs. There are true stories about how terrible they can be. One of the keys is how they are raised: with love and guidance or left to themselves. I always treated Esther with love and respect, even when she needed to be disciplined.

This post is about what Esther taught me about ego… I have a huge ego. I think most people do. I am not proud of many of the aspects of it. I am very competitive. I don’t often play games anymore. I don’t like the person that comes out when I win or lose. My ego, however, was instrumental in making me a good teacher. I expected my students to learn. I felt as though I could teach anyone. I knew that something that worked for one student might not work for another so I tried different things until something worked. My ego was not my only tool.

I wanted every student to be the best they could be. I wanted every student to be successful. If a student wasn’t successful I viewed myself as failing them. Like others here have spoken about, I do not know if I did it for them or my own selfish reasons… I was a respected teacher, always looking for solutions, not blame. I was aware that my ego drove my desire for my students to succeed. I too pushed away people and relationships at times to make sure my students would be successful. I would put it on a short leash when it needed to be. I would stay late with students that didn’t understand. It was not their fault. It was mine. I was the adult. I was the “expert”. I was the professional. I would be patient. I would try many things. I would let students know I needed their time and support to make them successful.

My students came to me knowing I had high expectations for them. They quickly learned I also had high expectations for myself. I returned papers graded the day after they were turned in. I would work with them until they understood. Not all students took advantage. I would reflect daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly on my efforts. Being competitive often looking more at my failures than my successes. My successes didn’t need me. My failures did.

I hope that you have seen parallels in the two stories. We need to exercise our egos in safe and healthy ways or we will destroy things. We need to put it on a short leash when other’s health and safety are involved. We need to always be cautious of why we are doing something, staying in the present as it were. We need to apologize and let people know when ego takes over. When I occupy too much of the conversation. When I come across as a know-it-all.

I’d like to leave you with and old proverb I have read many times.

One evening, an elderly Cherokee brave told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. “My dear one, the battle between two ‘wolves’ is inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. The other is good. It is: joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.” The grandson thought about it for a moment and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?” The old Cherokee replied, “The one you feed.”