What My Card Playing, Tea Drinking, Sassy Grandma Taught Me About Life

With age comes wisdom, serious gin rummy skills, love, and a little spice.

Grandma Mary

Were you lucky enough to have one of THOSE Grandmas? You know the kind. The type that stays ingrained in your memories for the rest of your life. The type of Grandma that you could never forget — even if you tried. And you wouldn’t want to either.

I had one of those. Grandma Mary. I loved her to bits. She hailed from England and she was just so elegant. With her fancy British accent, complete with a full face of makeup and super stylish clothes and I thought she was the bee’s knees. But it was so much more than that. I was so damned sensitive as a child, and I felt everything and everyone. It took very little for me to shed gallons of tears by the buckets.

Grandma Mary was kind, generous and sassy. She truly took the time to understand me, and value ME for ME.

To this very day, I continue to remember and appreciate that fact.

It’s Gin Rummy Time

Grandma Mary could play a mean game of gin rummy. There was no doubt about it. There were few that could rival her in a good heated game. When I was 7 years old, she took me under her wing and showed me the ways of gin rummy. I was never the same after that.

In Grandma Mary’s world — 7’s were the wild card, there was no giving up, and you played your ass off. Don’t lay your cards down first! It’s never over until it’s over!

Isn’t it funny how the most seemingly insignificant moments of your life remain with you?

There was a time, in particular, I recall vividly. It was during a family reunion — I was just 8 years old. Tasked with keeping the scores, and not a fan of math, it was inevitable. I screwed up the arithmetic.

Uncle Paul immediately saw through my ruse, but Grandma Mary was absolutely not having it.

She swiped the cards away faster than the speed of light, shot Uncle Paul the stare of death, and announced that my math was the most perfect of all!

(Even though it totally wasn’t)

From that point on, I became the family “mathematician.”

Little Sandwiches And Shortbread

There was another hidden skill Grandma Mary had. Making little sandwiches. Not just any little sandwiches. Little cucumber and salmon sandwiches. With the crusts cut off, of course.

Along with those little sandwiches, she made the most delicate shortbread cookies. Soft, warm, and the perfect combination of buttery and sweet. To me, they were simply the most delicious cookies in the entire world. The best thing that anything could ever be. She would spend hours in the kitchen. Slicing cucumbers. Crafting up her homemade bread. Rolling out the cookie dough with ease.

Grandma Mary was never in the kitchen without her trademark powder blue apron and that faded handwritten cookbook, which dated back to who knows when.

I cherished this time with her. She would place me on a wooden step stool and lean in close, whispering into my ear a lifetime of wisdom and secrets. I can still recall her strangely sweet scent of lavender and musty cigarettes, and how her silver hair glowed under the fluorescent kitchen lights.

“Everybody needs a good snack to play a fair game of cards,” Grandma always said.

Time Goes On

Well, you know how it goes from here, don’t you?

Time marches on. Our grandparents become even older than they already were. Then the teenage years hit, we grow up — our friends and social life take priority. By the time I was 16, Grandma Mary was no longer the same. Alzheimer’s had taken over her mind, and would only allow us brief glimpses at a time into what she once was.

My Grandpa kept things well hidden for as long as he was able to. Answering all the questions Grandma Mary no longer could, recalling all the memories she no longer had access to, and signing her name when she no longer remembered how.

It soon became clear to all of us exactly what was going on with Grandma Mary. In an instant, I was 18 and graduating. What a time! Grandma Mary was there despite everything, cheering me on. Just like always.

The Things That Stay With You

By the time I was 20, Grandma Mary was slowly but surely fading away, and she came to live with us for the last few months of her life.

One night, an outstretched hand awakened me in the dark, and I screamed. But then, a familiar scent and calmness permeated the air.

I squinted at the clock — it was exactly 3 a.m.

A hazy shape formed in the night’s blackness, and suddenly, there stood Grandma Mary. “Can you tell me where the bathroom is, young lady?” she inquired. Thankfully, somehow my sleepy mind registered and understood what was happening immediately.

Off to the bathroom, we went, and after I guided Grandma Mary safely back to bed, I lay awake for a long time. My heart was a lead brick, and I fell asleep with visions of playing cards in my head, the kings and queens leading the way.

Late that next morning, Grandma Mary was at the table, nibbling on toast and eggs. Once I walked in, she glanced at me, and suddenly a familiar spark appeared in her eyes, and a sly smile slowly spread across her face.

“Are you up for a game of cards, honey?” Her voice, sharp and loud with excitement. Just like it always used to be.

And with that, Grandma Mary and I played the best hour of gin rummy that we ever had in our lives.

That was the last game of cards we ever played together.

Left Here With Me

I realize now how lucky I am to have had somebody like that in my life. Even now, 14 years later, Grandma Mary has left a lasting impact on me, and I carry her around with me wherever I go.

When I am in the kitchen, I think of her.

When I eat shortbread cookies, I definitely think of her.

Though when I play cards, I think of her the most, and I can feel her next to me once again, cheering me on from somewhere else now.

I am grateful for what she left me. Grandma Mary loved everyone around her and taught me to do the same. She loved me for exactly who I was and never tried to change a thing. She embraced my sensitivities. She read me stories at bedtime. She taught me to plant flowers in the garden. And to be kind to everyone.

But most of all, she made sure I could whip up amazing snacks, and play a tough game of rummy!