What Moving Across the Country From my Family Taught me
Life lessons are best learned through experiences.
Let me start by saying that I am SO glad I moved away after college. And it’s not because I don’t love or value my family, but I have learned much more about myself, and about life and being on my own than I ever could have fathomed if I were still on the East Coast.
Sometimes, you actually have to make the leap before you can understand all of the benefits of an act. It was something I didn’t realize just how much I desperately needed.
I moved approximately a year and a half ago, and the transition certainly wasn’t easy. But here are some things I learned along the way that may help you decide whether this kind of transition is what you need.
After graduating college (in the same state I was born and raised), I moved back home to live as I figured out my next steps. I decided graduate school was the next step I wanted to take, and that application journey led me to a state on the other side of the nation. Having never lived apart from my family before, I was as overwhelmed as you might imagine.
But the life lessons I learned in the past 18ish months have made everything worth it. The thing is, no matter how much you are supposed to “learn from the mistakes of others,” there is really nothing as influential as living it yourself. Nonetheless, hopefully my experience can help to provide more information to you, and perhaps even encourage you to make this kind of leap yourself. The life lessons I’ve learned have both been emotional and practical, and each has been just as valuable as the other.
What Moving Taught me Emotionally.
1. Relationships take work not just to form, but to maintain.
While a two way street for sure, recognize that we all have busy lives. If you want to maintain a friendship, you have to put in the work to keep communication going. Even a simple “Hey, I miss you” text can go a long way. I’ve learned that frequent communication feels much more valuable to me than a long essay every once in a while, and I’ve tried to replicate that pattern for my friends.
2. Visiting in person is always best.
There is nothing like seeing those you love in person. No number of texts, phone calls, emails, or Facetime calls are going to feel the same as embracing those you love physically. At the beginning of the year, I try to plan my trips- at least one trip to see each of the individuals I love. That way we are both having something to look forward to, and its set in stone on the calendar. If we can see each other more than that, phenomenal, but at least one visit is for sure. This makes a world of difference in not only feeling connected in the moment but staying that way even when I’m further away.
3. Don’t wait for people to visit you.
It’s not always because people don’t want to visit you that they don’t. Sometimes, it’s not feasible for the person on the other side. Communicate, and plan a time to visit. I often try to pair visits with friends when I’m coming home for the holidays to see my family. If I’m making the trip already, half of the work is already taken care of.
4. Appreciation
Moving taught me a newfound appreciation for what I learned from my parents growing up. I am grateful to have learned the lessons I had prior to moving, which helped me both survive and thrive when I did take that leap. The financial lessons, lessons concerning communication, and lessons regarding living independently. I’m also more appreciative of those who put in the extra effort to stay in touch. I’ve recognized that when I had friends move in the past, I didn’t do as good of a job communicating as I should have. Being on the other end of the stick alters your perception, and it’s made me all the more grateful for those who do consistently reach out.
What Moving Taught me Practically
Moving across the country also helped me learn some more practical life skills.
1. Plan
Before, If I wanted to go home the farthest in advance I would have to plan was 3 hours (the drive home from college). Now, I have to plan ahead. Even spontaneous decisions must be made a minimum of 7 hours in advance (6 hours of flight time plus layovers and arriving at the airport an hour ahead of time).
2. Budget
Living away from home has helped me to budget on so many different levels. For one, it has added additional expenditures to my budget, such as cross country flights. Secondly, I have become more independent in general. I own my own home and car and those come with financial responsibilities. Even simple things like managing a grocery budget for myself, helped me learn the beginnings of individual financial stability. Though I’ve also learned, growing financially is an ongoing process.
3. Travel
Especially if you’re moving somewhere new by YOURSELF, its really easy to be so overwhelmed settling in that you don’t leave the 20 minute radius of your city or town. I challenge you to do so. In my case, I really wasn’t fond of the place I moved, and it made the adjustment all the more difficult. But as soon as I got away for the weekend and drove a few hours, I had a completely different mindset about the state. I felt more settled and less trapped. There was a whole new world to explore.
4. Say yes
As much as I wanted to keep my old friends, I also knew that making new friends was both inevitable and essential. I learned that in order to adjust to a new place and make new connections I had to say “yes” more than I might otherwise. If someone asks you to go to dinner, or to hang out, say yes. Make it known that you are willing to hang out, and value spending time with other people. The more you say no, the higher the chances you won’t even be asked in the future. Now these might not all turn out to be permanent connections, but nonetheless, this time meeting new people will be valuable. Trust me.
Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone
While the experiences of moving out of your home state will be different for everyone, it is a journey that I think can be extremely beneficial for anyone. There is nothing that will spark personal growth like being knocked out of your comfort zone and being thousands of miles away from those who are normally your comfort. Remember, moving doesn’t mean you won’t ever go back, but when you return you will most certainly be a different person.