What Makes Somebody a Genuinely Good Friend?

8 characteristics of friends that are worth keeping.

What makes someone a genuine friend?

That’s a question I’ve been pondering lately. As I reflected upon my personal experiences with friendships across the years, I realized that while I’ve had so many great ones, most of those bonds have fizzled with time.

Some friendships were stretched due to distance, others naturally phased out as we entered new stages in life. But despite the losses, a lot was gained. I realized that the most beautiful thing about friendships is that each one of them invites us to explore a new world within us we never knew existed.

Friends draw you over to their circle. They open your eyes to new ideas and ways of living. You internalize and interpret their world, as they do yours. As per the words of Anaï Nin:

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”

Whether you realize it or not, all the friendships that you’ve formed over the years have taught you something. What makes true friendships special, however, is that they simply don’t age. Regardless of the years or distance apart, when you see each other again, you simply carry on where you left off.

True friendships are always with you — you bear them as part of your identity, in the cradle of your memories, and within your heart. True friendships are the ones that stand the test of time.

So, all of that said, here are eight habits I’ve seen to be present amongst my truly genuine friends. They demonstrate the qualities we desire to find in others and the characteristics we can acquire in order to become better friends ourselves.

1. Genuine friends show us the beauty of vulnerability.

True friends don’t boast about their success or try to demonstrate how robust they are. They don’t hide behind self-constructed barriers that create the illusion of emotional strength and mental superiority.

True friends are real. They are open. They are as vulnerable as they can get and we connect to them because of this authenticity. They show us their awkwardness and entertain us with all the embarrassing stories that happened to them because they know that taking life too seriously is the recipe for a dull and strenuous existence.

In the words of Brené Brown:

“To be authentic, we must cultivate the courage to be imperfect — and vulnerable.”

True friends offer us the gift of vulnerability and share with us the fullness of their most authentic selves.

How to apply this habit: Reveal your trust in your friends by showing them your weaknesses, sharing your insecurities, and confessing your failures to them. Be more genuine, it makes you more human. Find strength in vulnerability; in doing so, you remind them (and yourself) that no one is perfect and that we all have rivers of troubles to swim through.

2. They do their best to show up to your milestones.

I’ve spent the majority of my life living away from home. I’ve studied abroad and continued to work abroad, living in six different countries in the process.

So I’ve made good friendships across the globe, and even though I don’t see my friends as frequently as I’d like to, I hold those who come through when it counts dear to my heart.

When it comes to genuine friendship, big milestone gestures make a lasting impression. Why? Because it signals to us that this person is still putting effort into this relationship. Think about the people who sent you personal notes on your birthday instead of just posting on your wall. Think about the person who wrote you to voice their admiration and wish you well on the launch of your new project. The person who sent you a heartfelt note of condolences when someone in your close circle passed away.

How did it make you feel? ‘Special’ is the answer, I’m sure.

How to apply this habit: Make it a habit to show up to your friends’ milestones. Remind them that, despite the physical distance and gaps in life stages, you still truly care about them and for them.

3. They’re kind, especially when you’re in need.

When I think of loyalty and friendship I am reminded of this quote by Rumi:

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

True friends will do their best to be there for you. Whether you see each other every single day of the year or you haven’t spoken in a few months, true friendships are measured by the willingness of someone to part ways with what they’re doing so they can support you when you’re in dire need of help.

When your days are dim and your energy is low, they’ll meet you in the field. If they have a car, they’ll pick up and take you for a drive so you can stick your arm out the window and let the wind reinvigorate your senses. If they don’t, they’ll come up with an impromptu hangout to whisk you away from your spiraling thoughts. And if they’re miles away from you, an hour-long video call will size-down the magnitude of your world.

A true friend is someone who is genuinely kind. They redraw your frown into a smile, make you laugh, and leave you feeling as light as that fluffy cloud that hangs in the sky.

How to apply this habit: Learn how to be kind. Be mindful of how easy it is to lose perspective and underestimate our own inner-strength sometimes. So if your friend is having a hard time, don’t falsely flatter her with empty words. Instead, gently nudge her into the light by casting away her own shadows.

4. Genuine friends water your strengths.

A true friend is someone who will help you see the potential in you — especially when you can’t. Instead of making you feel small, they water your strengths and do what they can to relight the spark in your eyes.

They challenge you to try when you’re too afraid to walk the path by reminding you of how capable you are. They push you to keep going when you’re too timid to carry on by reminding you of the depth of your inner strength.

“Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.” — Mark Twain

How to apply this habit: Carefully listen to your friends who are feeling lost and broken. Don’t judge, just listen. Remember that we all tend to lose sight of our own strengths sometimes. Open their eyes and remind them of their light and inner beauty. That’s how you help them piece themselves back together.

5. They give more than they take and they always keep their word.

Last week I reached out to an old friend who I hadn’t seen in over three years to ask her for advice on a relocation opportunity. She immediately called me to share with me her personal experience and how she went about the process. She offered to further help me by introducing me to some of her connections in that city.

Today, she sent out five emails, introducing me to five people in her network. She kept her word.

The funny thing is that we don’t have much of a friendship history. We overlapped in our studies while at university and collected our degrees on stage together. We shared that memorable moment — of me spontaneously tossing my degree onto the floor and lifting her up in celebration in front of a roaring audience of over 3,000 people — and that was the extent of it.

Yes, it was a legendary moment, and yes, I was a crazy kid back then. But to me, that’s a sign of true friendship — a person going out of their way to help you, without you having to even ask for their help. A person who keeps their word no matter what. A person who doesn’t help you with the expectation of something in return; they just do it because they’re genuine and they care.

How to apply this habit: If you want to be a better friend, consciously look for ways in which you can instantly help your friends. Give more than you take. And most importantly, keep your word. You gain so much respect and admiration for it.

6. They appreciate your presence and remind you to love yourself a little more.

Self-love and self-acceptance are two of the biggest things we struggle with. We’re naturally liable to be unfriendly toward ourselves. That’s why we need a friend who truly appreciates our presence in their lives and reminds us to love ourselves when we forget to.

We need a friend who will remind us of the stature of our self-worth when we feel unworthy. We need a friend who will lift us back up when we fall down, who will pull us out of the blue as soon as they see us slowly receding into it. Elbert Hubbard said it best:

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”

A true friend is someone who loves you as you are. They know all about you and your flaws, and still, they choose to love you. And through that love, you are reminded that in spite of the billions of people in this world, they chose you as their own friend, and that’s exactly why you should also love yourself.

How to apply this habit: Give your friend a hug and tell them why you love them. Remind them of the saying that “friends are the family you choose in your life” and that you’ve consciously chosen them.

7. They’re genuinely interested in your life and are absolutely not judgemental.

Genuine friends are ones who want to know ‘what you’re up to these days’. Not to judge you or compare their life to yours or to size themselves up against you, but simply due to an authentic interest in your life.

They’re interested in your troubles and difficulties to see how they could help you overcome them, and in your triumphs and successes to see how they could chime in on the celebrations.

Genuine friends create a judgment-free zone. They know that you are as imperfect as they are and so they won’t be shocked by all the weird and silly things you do. They won’t be surprised by the leaps you will take and the summits you will mount either.

This is such a beautiful quality to have in a person — the capacity to understand without being judgemental — and it’s one of the main criteria upon which I separate true friendships from the rest.

How to apply this habit: Stop judging. Start listening and supporting instead.

8. They bring joy to the dullest of moments.

At the end of the day, a friend is someone who’s a joy to be around. A true friend is someone who will laugh with you at the stupidest jokes, sing with you to the worst songs, and dance with you to the silent tune in your head.

They’re someone who embraces your weirdness and openly shows you theirs. But, as per Eugene Kennedy’s words, there’s one true test of friendship, and it’s this:

“The real test of friendship is can you literally do nothing with the other person? Can you enjoy those moments of life that are utterly simple?”

A true friend is someone who will watch the sunset with you and not say a word but still be completely connected with you in that moment of awe. There’s meaning to your silence. There’s that sense of easiness in the air.

How to apply this habit: A sign of true friendship is when you can be literally doing nothing, but still enjoying these moments of utter simplicity together. Make it a habit to bring joy to the lives of the friends you truly love. How? By being fully present with them.

What Matters to You?

If you ask me, a true friend is someone who will pick up my favorite chocolate bar on their way to my place, without me having to even ask for it, because they know it’ll bring me joy. It’s a sign that they observe, appreciate, and think of ways of making my life a little more joyful.

True friendships stand the test of time because we carry them with us everywhere we go. Whichever way you define the characteristics or habits of a true friend, here’s the message I want to leave you with: First, be grateful for the true friends you already have in your life. Second, do your best to be a better friend to them.

As per the beautiful words of Marcel Proust:

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”

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