What Makes Me So Amazing: You Should Be Amazing Too

I always question myself and the world

This epic episode of an interview with Dr. Bakari is an inspiration for anyone willing to admit that something is wrong with this world.

I hope that you are not so comfortable in the world that you believe everyone has equal opportunity to thrive. May you not be so happy that you can’t understand the misery of others. Don’t ever be so smart that you believe you have all the answers.

Do not use positive psychology has an excuse to hold onto a “pull yourself up by your bootstrap” mentality. Positivity can be equally as unhealthy as negativity in a society that ignores the struggles of victims trying to reclaim their lives.

Oppression is real and certain groups are targeted for harm. Privilege is used to label those who don’t have it. Many groups live with harmful labels and judgments such as lazy, immoral, weak, unintelligent or criminal.

Chances are, a specific group came to mind as you read each trait. You may even give yourself justification to hold these judgments. Comfort and conformity make us unlikely to question what isn’t working for other people.

I’m so amazing because I question everything. I have done so since I was a child. My mother could not keep up with my questions. So, she urged me to ask them of God.

• Why do men have so much control over women?
• Why do we only pray to a male god?
• Why do we have homeless people when there are so many abandoned homes?
• If prison costs more than a college education, why don’t we have a better education system?
• Why don’t we criticize the mistakes rich people make with money?
• If we have an overpopulation of humans, why are we so against same sex marriages?

Ask Away

There are so many questions that people with privilege don’t have to ponder because the answers will interrupt their psyche. Many privileged people’s brains operate on the “ignorance is bliss” philosophy.

I’ve never stopped asking questions and seeking answers. Questions about myself, and the world have gotten me my own set of privileges. I use my privileges to ask more questions and contribute to solutions.

Ten years ago I asked “how do you silence 40 million people?” I asked that when I realized that’s how many adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse were in America. That question led me to create a one of a kind organization for adult survivors.

When I teach, I embed critical thinking into every lesson. In my human sexuality course I ask, why do women have fewer orgasms than men given that women are equipped with a clitoris, designed only to produce orgasm?

Women can also have multiple orgasm. Yet, women resign themselves to orgasmless sex. Why? What would happen if women held men accountable for their pleasure?

I wonder why we are so limited in the religious values we choose to practice, but so judgmental about the ones others do not. I like to consider who made the rules and what is the purpose of them.

I am aware that rules are either made to let people in or to keep people out. So, I pay attention to who is being kept out, and who is being advantaged by being let in. This is a critical question for people with privilege to live with more inclusion.

Personal Advantage

I have seen my personal growth from being curious about my own potential. My husband and I have lived in 4 different states. When we asked what type of life we wanted our children to have, homeschooling was the answer.

We have gone into significant debt to design our family life because we asked ourselves if money was more important than our family experience. Me leaving the work force to be home with our children was a priority.

When I was working on my Ph.D., I asked my advisors what would prevent me from completing my degree in three years. Once I identified the obstacles, I removed them. My husband and I graduated at the same time though he started his program a year sooner.

We were an anomaly. Couples rarely complete Ph.D. programs at the same time while raising children. We were also homeschooling them. Nevertheless, we completed our programs in record time.

I’ve traveled to over 15 countries. The only continent I have not visited is Antartica. I’m a 4th degree black belt in taekwondo and have completed two marathons.

I’ve written four books, have an ivy league education, and a Ph.D. in psychology. I’m transitioning from a career in college teaching to writing and motivational speaking.

I was not born into wealth. I was born into poverty with an absent father for the first 8 years of my life. I’ve experienced more adverse experiences than many, including childhood sexual abuse, grief, and ongoing medical issues.

My resilience has always been my willingness to question. Can life be different than this? How am I getting in my own way? What would happen if I change the script?

I live an amazing life

I’m not rich, but I do live richly. I work hard and I play hard. Some days I hike for three hours, during the week. I have date nights in fancy hotels with my husband of 28 years.

I give back daily because I ask myself how the world would change if more people asked bigger questions. I teach people to ask questions in and outside of the classroom.

For ten years I’ve been holding space for survivors by writing for and engaging with them on a daily basis. I’ve never earned a dime from my work with survivors. But, the potential to change the world is priceless.

I have witnessed how communities change when the right questions are asked. The solutions we come up with are only as good as the questions we ask.

If you want to be an amazing person, ask amazing questions. Look beyond the surface to seek understanding of the world and its people.