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Abstract

brows usually go up, and then they get that I’m dead serious.</p><p id="4d34">I have had this exchange with quite a few of the parents of kids in my group. I find it hilarious.</p><p id="5ebd">Their initial response about me changing my mind is something I’ve heard since I first decided that I wasn’t going to have kids. That was when I was around twenty-two years old.</p><figure id="fd46"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*KmDuMg2RwPcNa5yDoe_klw.jpeg"><figcaption>That’s me standing between two of my cousins he helped raise me. The five children in this photo are all from the cousin standing to my left. Photo by author.</figcaption></figure><p id="b065">I have a very large family and have been babysitting since I was eleven years old.</p><p id="088d">My brother had his first child then. He had his second when I was fourteen years old, and his third when I was twenty years old. I helped raise them.</p><figure id="dd4f"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*u0_lH58bu9gEvLmUuYs0ow.jpeg"><figcaption>That’s me kissing my second nephew whom I adored. Photo by author.</figcaption></figure><p id="d401">I also helped raise kids that some of my friends started to have at a relatively young age. By the time I was twenty-two , I realized that having kids in America takes an exorbitant amount of time, energy, and money to raise, at least in the ways that I ideally wanted.</p><p id="5e6c">Don’t even get me started on maternity or paternity leave. How about overpopulation?</p><p id="5b53">In my 30s, I considered the possibility of being with a man who had kids, or possibly adopting. I was okay being a stepmom, and still am. I just happen to hav

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e not been put in that situation as of yet.</p><p id="1fcc">I love kids, truly and completely. However, I consciously choose not to birth them, or take them on as a full-time responsibility, and I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.</p><p id="ff93"><b>What do you think?</b></p><p id="3edc">Is it culturally normal to expect women to bear children if possible or is it socially acceptable where you live for women to do whatever they desire.</p><p id="cf44"><b>Feel free to email me or leave questions in the responses.</b></p><p id="cd21"><b>Subscribe to make sure you don’t miss the next topic published on Monday, February 5th.</b></p><p id="0ded">In case you missed last week’s story:</p><div id="7691" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-breasts-seemed-to-grow-overnight-again-af266b4e9e69"> <div> <div> <h2>My Breasts Seemed to Grow Overnight, Again</h2> <div><h3>An unexpected thing no one ever told me could happen this late in life, so now I’m telling you</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*IKUe3_Nv-44lYA5Fmvb63Q.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="c938"><b>Do you have something to write about you think would be welcomed here at The Diarist? Check out the<a href="https://readmedium.com/write-for-the-diarist-submission-guidelines-d90c750cb34e"> submissions page</a> — let’s see it! <a href="https://medium.com/the-diarist">Follow us </a>to discover your favourite Diarist.</b></p></article></body>

MAKING WAVES COLUMN

What Made Me Decide at a Young Age to Never Have Children

The shock on a man’s face when I told him that I don’t plan to have children made me feel like I was from Mars

That’s me sitting next to my oldest nephew when I was twenty-one and he was ten years old. Photo by author.

Reflection on life's decisions: Sunday, January 28, 2024, 19:46

A few days ago, a man at my job asked me if I planned to have any kids. Without hesitation and with a smile on my face, I told him that I did not. He was visibly shocked, eyes wide, mouth hanging open.

It’s been a long time since I’ve had that strong of a reaction, to me telling someone that I do not plan to have children.

I didn’t feel like I had to explain or justify my reasons. However, I gladly offered him a perspective that he clearly did not expect.

For one, I work at a kindergarten, and he was sent there to check out how our particular kindergarten did things because a brand-new one is set to open in March. He wanted to gain insights from us and talked to several staff members during his two-week stay.

A lot of people don’t realize that I’m almost fifty years old, so one of the first reactions I hear from people when I first tell them that I don’t plan to have kids is, “You say that now, but just wait! You’re going to change your mind.”

Then I look at them square in the eyes and tell them my age. Their eyebrows usually go up, and then they get that I’m dead serious.

I have had this exchange with quite a few of the parents of kids in my group. I find it hilarious.

Their initial response about me changing my mind is something I’ve heard since I first decided that I wasn’t going to have kids. That was when I was around twenty-two years old.

That’s me standing between two of my cousins he helped raise me. The five children in this photo are all from the cousin standing to my left. Photo by author.

I have a very large family and have been babysitting since I was eleven years old.

My brother had his first child then. He had his second when I was fourteen years old, and his third when I was twenty years old. I helped raise them.

That’s me kissing my second nephew whom I adored. Photo by author.

I also helped raise kids that some of my friends started to have at a relatively young age. By the time I was twenty-two , I realized that having kids in America takes an exorbitant amount of time, energy, and money to raise, at least in the ways that I ideally wanted.

Don’t even get me started on maternity or paternity leave. How about overpopulation?

In my 30s, I considered the possibility of being with a man who had kids, or possibly adopting. I was okay being a stepmom, and still am. I just happen to have not been put in that situation as of yet.

I love kids, truly and completely. However, I consciously choose not to birth them, or take them on as a full-time responsibility, and I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.

What do you think?

Is it culturally normal to expect women to bear children if possible or is it socially acceptable where you live for women to do whatever they desire.

Feel free to email me or leave questions in the responses.

Subscribe to make sure you don’t miss the next topic published on Monday, February 5th.

My Breasts Seemed to Grow Overnight, Again

An unexpected thing no one ever told me could happen this late in life, so now I’m telling you

medium.com

Do you have something to write about you think would be welcomed here at The Diarist? Check out the submissions page — let’s see it! Follow us to discover your favourite Diarist.