What Lens Am I Writing From?

I am many experiences and exposures that enhance the lens I see the world through. I have worn various hats through out my limited time on this planet, no matter who I have been, however, there are 3 titles in my life that shape my perspective the most.

BRAT

I am a BRAT, not a spoiled brat but an Army BRAT — both my parents served in the military out of 12 uncles and aunts 6 of them have served in the military, and even my father-in-law is a vet. I LOVE SOLDIERS & VETERANS. I have a STRONG disdain for the military complex and how our government uses men and women and throws them away once it has damaged and broken them. I hate how it leaves the veteran to fight for the benefits and medical support they have more than sacrificed for. I hate how wars are not fought for the protection of citizens but for corporate interest, power, and incessant need for American need for control.

I lived on military bases all my childhood and would go to visit my dad prior to his retirement on base all the time. My parents still live near a base so going home provides me proximity to all that I knew as a child. It is always amazing to me to see the zeal of a young soldier vs the humility of a vet. We all have different images in our mind when we think hometown, showing our ID to get onto a base, hearing the sounds of the morning bugle horn, and seeing men and women running laps during PT. Nostalgic memories for me are sitting at my dad’s desk doing my homework, as he checks in combat rifles during a late night shift.

I know some military brats that are bitter about being uprooted every 3 -6 years. They are bitter about having made friends and lose friends. They are bitter about not having close relationships with cousins, uncles aunts, and other extended family. Some hate moving after this experience and vow never to have another transit lifestyle again.

I do not view my childhood this way. My mother gave me some key wisdom when I was in 7th grade that I still use as a 40+-year-old woman. “Every time we move, you get to reinvent yourself. Think about all the traits about yourself you don’t like and change them. What bad character trait lost you, friends, here? What bad behaviors made teachers dislike you? When you leave, you get to start over, the teachers don’t know you, you can make new friends you get a clean slate.”

I am grateful that I do not miss opportunities out of fear of change, or fear of the unknown. Due to my childhood I actually jump into the unknown and start researching and figuring out as I am jumping(I am still a Virgo y’all I got to do my research).

Due to my childhood, when I decided to go to a PWI for college and encountered the systematic racism that comes along with it, I knew that there was something wrong with the environment, not me. Whereas being at a PWI cause others to drop out due to the pain, racism, and rejection. I was determined to finish what I started there, pissed me off and created an resolve in me that I would not be anti-black or allow people with anti-black sentiments to be in my company.

I am strongly introverted, and engaging people is EXTREMELY exhausting for me. Due to my military childhood and constantly having to put myself out there to make new friends, most people never identify that trait within me, I have people argue that I am extroverted. Due to the nature of my work, I am able to function as an ambivert, but because I am drained after engaging people, I allow myself the needed distance that a true introvert must have.

My childhood has taught me to adapt to various environments, be open to change, and be ok with the unknown, it is ok to be alone, and you can make a friend anywhere. I would not be who I am today without this life experience and I am grateful to my parents because of it.

Mother

I am a Mom — I am a mother 3 times over. I love my babies in heaven just like love my adoptive daughter. I have been vocal about the negative outcomes that impact African American women regardless of socioeconomic status. Perinatal disparities are just as relevant to us as police murders of young Black men. If there are not euthanizing us, they are letting us bleed out. If they are not murdering us via medical testing they are ignoring us as well share our pain. I care about issues that affect the perinatal process. I have been negatively affected in the perinatal process and I care about moms who have had those experiences.

I am a true Virgo, we don’t just say the first thing that comes to our head. We think about what we are going to say to you so when you as us to apologize for our cutting words. we look at you and reply: I SAID WHAT I SAID. I meant those cutting words, please meditate on them.

I am ferocious about my adoptive daughter as I was about my son. If you mess with her, I find myself being a hothead like the Ariès she is. I care about her getting the support she needs via a therapist so she can become who she suppose to be regardless of the circumstances of her birth. I want to be whole and happy, and I fight on behalf of her to ensure she is getting the support she needs. When she meets her birth family again they will have peace that they entrusted Lady J with the best family for her.

Partner

I am a Wife — I am not Shante Nixon without J Nixon. He is the yin to my yang and the calm to my storm. When I am fiery and passionate he is the calm breeze. When he is ready to tear the club up, I remind him to chill and get a drink. I am loaning my nickname to our daughter for the sake of discussing her publicly. I am Lady Jaye to his Flint. At the time of writing this, I have been a partner for 22 years and a wife for nineteen of those years. I am careful about writing about relationships because I earnestly believe that everyone’s love lives are different, and there is not a one size fits all method to approaching a partnership.

Our partnership works because of who we are and who we choose to be to each other. We have fought with each other, for each other, and on behalf of each other. When situations in our life arise that normally split other couples, we acknowledge that this is the situation that could cause us to go our separate ways and we strategic how we are going to navigate the scenario. He values my perspective, and he actively seeks out my perspective, and he listens to me to hear me not to respond to me. I have watched numerous marriages where those components were not present and how it eats away at the partner that is not valued.

I have told him countless times I would not be married, If he was not my partner. I recently had a conversation with a colleague who is considering divorce, and she ask me If something happen, and my partner and I ended up divorce, would I remarry. I was like HELL NO, it is a lot of work and I understand my current partnership is not the norm. He is told me if that ever happend I would find myself with a permanant house guest.

I have been fortunate enough to personally and intimately view marriages that have lasted 40+ years. From the romantic, the amazing, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the ugliest. If I was not married to this particular man I would not be married, he is the one that convenient to give this institution a chance.

The depth of who I am, I try to convey in my writings, whether it is a poem article or short story. I share books that I read, and I mention places I have been or people I have met. I reference my day job or share a creative piece I have made. Those are all the fun things that add depth to the flavors that make me, well me. However, as I reflect on the roles that create the skeleton of who I am today the three hats I was proudly are Daughter, Wife, and Mother.

What life experiences make you, who you are today? Please share or tag me in the article you write.

These are my thoughts.

Shanté

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