What Kind of Children Are We Developing in This Time of COVID-19?
It may not be as bad as you think
I knew about the coronavirus. I was one of those irritating geeks explaining the COVID-19 before it gained its name — when it was still confined to Wuhan, China. I went on a business trip to Houston, Texas in February this year, nervous, but confident still that it wasn’t yet in the general population. I talked about it so much my husband told me to stop. He told me later he was wrong and that he thought the CDC would stop it before it got here. I was definitely a Cassandra in early 2020. Do you remember that ancient tale about the daughter of King Priam and Queen Hecuba of Troy? She knew the truth but no one would listen…
And when my 12-year-old twins came home one weekend in March, they were full of plans for the upcoming spring break. There was a camp planned in May. There were classroom parties to be held at the end of the school year. But they never went back. Sixth grade, as they knew it, was over.
We went through all of the adjustments expected for students without a school building. It’s a physical place of hip clothing and shoes and lip gloss. There are teachers, girls, boys, counselors, and school lockers. All of it was suddenly gone.
Now I know that thousands of students homeschool. Many of them turn out brilliantly, others not so much.
But that’s not what we do.
In August 2020
They started 7th grade online. They use Google Classroom and Microsoft Teams and numerous other apps. I even have one — no, two; I used Infinite Campus to enroll them in their school, and I have Jupiter so I can monitor their grades. Its been an intellectual IT experience. All the same, I’m glad my parents didn’t have Jupiter. There were times I wanted to keep my grades to myself and it sometimes feels like this is an invasion of privacy. And yet, I hypocritically look at them anyway. You see, I don’t want them to fall behind.
If I were younger, with more energy and a desire to socialize, perhaps they would have gotten out more. But I’m not, and I don’t. So during these last five months, we left our townhouse very few times. We went to the park. It’s cool to go at night…it doesn’t close until 9 pm. If you’re a runner, of which I am not, it’s a great time to try. I did trot the course, just because the path was well lit and because it was there…
If the virus left us alone, the girls might have been able to go to as many as three camps this year, but the virus loves it here in our country. So it is the summer that wasn’t.
They don’t like online school, they tell me. I understand. It’s not the same. But they still attend and they complete their assignments. They talk calmly. They don’t whine. There are no temper tantrums or snarkiness. I’m actually impressed. They seem wise. They’re maturing.
One of the stages of life, when you can say that you’ve definitely grown up, is when you’ve seen that life is not always what you expect. You can’t always get what you want. It’s a tough lesson to learn. Some people have reached the age of fifty and they still haven’t realized this fact. These girls have reached a stage of acceptance. They are developing resilience.
It could be regarded as a gift. They won’t easily fall to pieces when all hell breaks loose.
We can’t go to the beach. Ok. No movie theatres. Oh well. They’re happy with the Umbrella Academy on Netflix and my own favorite, Columbo. Right now, they’re upstairs watching TIKTOK, something related to their favorite anime; Hunter x Hunter. I need them to be happy. I encourage it, and I make optimistic comments so that they realize life is not over.
But here’s the thing; When life opens up again, and it will, they will have a level of appreciation for everyday life that it took me years to acquire. They slowed down as their lives did and so they had no choice but to go without. There are clothes they didn’t buy, hairdos they didn’t get to try, places they didn’t go, activities they didn’t partake in. And it’s still OK.
They have stopped and smelled the roses.
Children do need socialization
Socialization for children is a concern of parents, educators, and doctors.
Stated simply, it is the process whereby individuals, especially children, become functioning members of a particular group and take on the values, behaviors, and beliefs of the group’s other members.
It is important for children to have that opportunity; it is the reason why even children who are homeschooled still take part in outside group activities and athletics. How long children can go without that depends on the child.
Lydia Denworth writes that “Socialization is a crucial part of growing up. The pandemic bought it to a halt.” However, if this period of COVID-19 is short, say, less than a year, it could just be a temporary thing. They may be able to bounce right back into normalcy. Dr. Jack Shonkoff, who directs Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child, told her that “The most important thing that all children need is a sense of safety. The younger you are, the more that sense of safety comes from adults who care for you.”
So we as parents, friends, and family need to promote an environment of safety. Let them know that you are there for them. You care.
How to create an environment for socialization
There are several ways to get through this coronavirus period and create healthy children, particularly for *teens. Zephon Lister, an Associate Professor of Counseling and Family Sciences at Loma Linda University, writes about a few steps parents can take:
- LOOSENING MEDIA RULES
Our children are allowed to use social media on weekends — but we have loosened up more usage in the week. Before, they used to see their friends every day. Not any more. So we’ve given them more latitude.
- SOCIALLY-DISTANCED MEET-UPS
We attended a backyard “Mulan” showing tonight. Every person’s temperature was taken. Families had to stay together. It was so much fun for the girls…and they felt better about seeing some of their friends even if they couldn’t hug them. Psychologically, they felt more complete. Their world was extended.
- FAMILY TIME
We are coloring, drawing, and even writing together. I bought cards so I can show them our favorite card games, and they recently asked if we could purchase a Monopoly game. We spend more time together and just talk about serious and silly things. It seems to help reduce their sense of isolation.
I don’t think they’ll ever forget this time.
So, what kind of children are we developing in this pandemic? We are creating careful, far-thinking children who are learning patience, responsibility, and discipline. Hopefully, this will not take much longer. Eventually, we’ll all receive vaccines (yes!) and the disease, while it won’t go away completely, will be much reduced in an atmosphere of immunity. And as for our children?
It may not be as bad as you think.