What Joy Is Depends On Your Perspective

Joy and happiness can be seen as two different things enriching our lives.

The Worldwide Summit on Joy 2022 was an excellent compendium on joy. One of the most exciting facets was how joy was viewed.

Let’s explore some nuances and see if we can create our understanding.

Joy is an “Inside Job”

There seemed to be a consensus that joy was “an inside job.” Joy- true joy — cannot be found in possessions, status, power, or the number of likes on social media. Joy was something deeper found inside one’s deepest self, and this source of joy was inside each of us as part of being human. Both the Dali Lama and Archbishop Tutu agree with this perspective.

While joy is long-lasting and ever-present, happiness is fleeting and short-lived.

My riff is that joy results from a connection.

Joy is the result of connection. Whether that connection is with nature, other people, or even with parts of you, joy results. We create a source of joy whenever we allow a connection into our core.

Let’s use connection vs. relationship. Relationships can be positive, negative, or neutral. Where for our purposes, a connection is always positive.

Connection is long-lasting. Even after a relationship has ended, the connection remains.

Connection shows itself in the form of warm memories. They are part of the relationship that we hold dear.

An exciting thing about connection is that it can develop over the years or in moments.

Take, for example, when you catch the eye of someone who has just performed an act of kindness. You may nod and exchange smiles.

You recognize what happened as a beautiful act of one person helping another. If you consciously breathe the encounter into your soul, you have enhanced your reservoir of joy.

The often overlooked key is to absorb the encounter. Let what you saw become part of you.

Try it — Let what you see that makes you smile become part of you. Breathe it into your core.

When you do, you will begin to see more and smile more, and bit by bit, add to your reservoir of joy.

You become more empathetic and compassionate, seeing that the person may struggle with their fears.

You even see things about yourself that you might not have noticed — like hanging in there doing the best you can day after day or smiling at the thought of a loved one.

Connection is the key, but it is not the only way to enhance joy.

Nurturing joy

Much like a gardener can nourish the soil so the planted seed can flourish, you can nurture the soul so that joy thrives.

The Big Joy Project, a worldwide scientific study on joy, lists seven techniques that allow joy to blossom. Their research of over 35,000 participants from 190 countries shows that feelings of joy increase by 23% in just seven days, and that feeling is long-lasting.

Here are the seven practices connected with joy

• Gratitude

Being grateful allows us to connect with all we hold dear, opening us up to see more.

• A sense of awe

We do not use the word awe that often, but we should. The sense of awe is the feeling you get when looking at a vista or sunset. It is the feeling of being part of something infinitely beyond our ability to understand.

Shandra Goldeten — Program Manager of Mind+Life Institute, uses awe with words like imagination, creativity, and childlike wonder.

• Ability to change perspective

The ability to change how we view the world broadens our ability to create connections.

What once looked uninteresting is now seen in a different light. Hurdles become opportunities. Internal searching, for example, morphs from a fear to an adventure into the unknown. (See Using Perspective to Create Joy in Your Life for more on perspectives)

• Acts of Kindness

Simple acts of kindness have been proven to increase happiness and joy. When we perform acts of kindness, we begin to relate and create micro connections.

• Connecting with your community

Getting to know the people who make up your community is a tremendous source of connection. Each interaction can bring you closer.

• Celebrating the good fortune, i.e., the happiness of another

What better way to build a connection than by celebrating with others?

Happiness

We see happiness all the time. We see it in dance, laughter, and quiet contentment. We see it in the love of grandmothers and the singing of black church services. We feel it at the end of a task well done. We share it when we celebrate.

Sometimes, our language gets in our way. Happiness, glee, elation, etc., are all used interchangeably with joy. However, if we reserve “joy” for something more spiritual in nature, we create a better understanding of happiness.

Happiness is the pleasant feeling that comes and goes as part of living.

We can see happiness. Joy is more profound — more private.

We have all run into people who seem happy all the time.

These individuals may be so connected with their inner source of joy that happiness naturally flows through them.

It is also possible that the positive persona results from years of practice of optimism and mantra recitation. My mom began every call with, “And how are you this bright, beautiful sun-shiny day?” Yet as we got into the conversation, the tone didn’t last. She strived for optimism, but it was not a part of her down deep.

Let’s take the guy at the Sportsbar, sitting with a group of friends, laughing and sharing a beer. They sure look joyful.

At one time, I was that guy, and I can assure you that laughter and camaraderie are short-lived. — fun — but not life-defining.

Moments of happiness are beautiful parts of life. They bring zest to the day and create wonderful memories. They help build the deep connections that make up joy and are not joy.

Ironically, you can tell if it is joy by its stillness.

Can you choose to be happy?

Absolutely!

It may not be possible every minute of every day, but we can choose to do those things that make us happy.

For some, it is curling up with a good book. For others, it is physical exercise or accepting the challenges of getting healthy.

Positive forms of self-expression, such as creating art or writing, are associated with happiness.

Simple movements can add to happiness.

Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D., and author of the Joy of Movement, offers specific movements that increase endorphin levels, such as extending your arms to take up as much space as possible, looking up, bouncing, keeping a beat, swaying, throwing confetti, striking a pose, and shaking.

The repeated theme is to get out of our heads and focus on something we love — other people, animals, nature — the unique niche that makes you smile; when we do that, we increase our feelings of being happy.

Bottom line:

Both joy and happiness enrich our lives. We are meant to be both joyful and happy.

Joy — that deep quiet reservoir inside each of us — results from our connection with our world, neighbors, and ourselves.

The more we nurture connection, the easier it is to access joy.

Happiness, on the other hand, is external and fleeting. The laughter, fun, and fellowship are pearls of existence. And they come and go. We need those pearls.

We can live lives filled with both joy and happiness. We must choose to take the next step alongside our wonderful human family.