What I’ve Learned From the Insane Sponsors On Glenn Beck’s News Site

Secret government warning goes viral! They are coming for your assets!

Through no request of my own, I’m on an email list for The Blaze, the right-wing news site owned by weepy Trumpist halfwit Glenn Beck.

The Blaze content will be familiar to anyone who monitors the daily screeching of MAGA Nation on social media: dusky-skinned migrants assaulting schoolkids, plucky 2nd Amendment enthusiasts gunning down (probable) criminals, Joe Biden and his techno-fascists plotting to send conservatives to the gulags, women using their vaginas without permission from a male authority figure.

Good stuff, The Blaze! Consider my fear mongered and my rage stoked!

Yes, it’s terrifying, especially if you lack the critical faculties to distinguish fact from bullshit, which presumably describes their target market. But while they don’t do any actual reporting so far as I can tell — preferring to link to the mainstream media sources they scorn — The Blaze does include a sprinkling of more-or-less real stories, the better to simulate a legitimate news source.

Hence, if you want to easily understand who their audience is — and in how much contempt The Blaze holds them — it’s useful to consider their advertisers.

Several times a week I get an email from “Blaze Sponsors” (side note: The Blaze recently trumpeted a shift to an “ad-free” subscription model; these emails give some hint as to how well that’s going.)

The hysteria of the sponsors makes the “news” stories look restrained and reasonable. While my legal department, who is a cat, thinks I shouldn’t label them “con artists”, these folks have clearly studied the grifter’s playbook.

Typical characteristics of scammers echo through all the ads:

• Appealing to the fight or flight response with a sense of false urgency
• Promising wildly implausible benefits in return for a negligible investment
• Flattering the reader as one of the few who will “get it.”
• Lying, generally

The ads are also excessively fond of the word “patriot”, which has apparently become a euphemism for “gullible dumbass”.

Below is some sample copy from four of the advertisers, which I’ve numbered so you don’t think the list goes on forever and give up reading in despair.

1. US Water Supply Crippled

Scientists are rushing to notify the public… Water plant directors are saying they aren’t confident to go to supply at this time… And everyday folks have already ended up six feet under due to contamination. … I dunno why we haven’t been alerted. Perhaps, our regime is worried this will cause riots with everyone rushing to grab water from the store.

This company sells a water purification pitcher which prevents riots.

2. Survive or Starve? You Choose…

Go ahead. Stop paying attention. It is simpler, that’s for sure. And it’s a lot less stressful, too. Close your eyes, plug your ears, and ignore what’s going on all around you. Do it. Take the easy way out.

Just know this: once you’ve made that choice, they’ve already won. Because you let them. The alternative? Perking up. Paying attention. Staying alert. And preparing for the horrors on the horizon. Experts in emergency preparedness, My Patriot Supply should be your first choice for survival essentials.

Pitching prepper supplies on the premise that if you’ve got a barn full of freeze-dried food and a pair of tactical cargo pants you’re all set for the collapse of society. It makes sense to be ready for a tornado or a flood, but survivalism is way overrated as a long-term strategy.

3. MIRACLE DRUG? Ivermectin for Covid-19 could save lives

The COVID vaccine is an experimental medical intervention. It was only approved for emergency use and bypassed most of the typical regulatory safety and approval checks. There is no completely risk-free vaccine, and this one, in particular, has been associated with more deaths and side effects than all other vaccines combined in history. There is debate about the vaccine’s benefits, and some argue that it may not provide absolute protection against COVID. In fact, some critics claim that it weakens the immune system, potentially increasing susceptibility to common and serious side effects, including acute hemorrhage, acute blood clotting, strokes, heart attacks, myocarditis, neurological problems, and autoimmune conditions. There have also been reports of Vaccine-Induced Immunodeficiency Syndrome, which some liken to HIV/AIDS. Many advocate for alternative, natural, and safe ways to combat COVID. The COVID-19 vaccine, regardless of the manufacturer, has also been associated with claims of DNA disruption, parasitic and pathogenic infection, and infiltration by microscopic nanoparticles and graphene oxide, which are alleged to cause significant health detriments.

An astonishing number of falsehoods in this brief blurb, albeit laden with legal qualifiers like “Many advocate…” and “some critics claim…”, which translates to “there is no evidence for what we are saying.”

4. Biden’s CBDC Scheme: Seizing Control of Your Money?

Are you ready? Do you know what to do next? Do you understand how this will really impact your life. Most Americans will be totally surprised. And may be too late for them. Please read this Wealth Protection Guide from American Alternative Assets. Everything you’ve saved is at risk. Money. Savings. Retirement. EVERYTHING. If you think I’m exaggerating, then you haven’t been paying attention. But if you’re someone who likes to educate themselves. So you can decide for yourself… And protect you and your family’s financial future. Click this link now to get the report that shows you how to legally safeguard everything from government control.

PS: I don’t know if Biden is evil and doing this on purpose or if he’s senile and someone else is pulling the strings. But it doesn’t matter. They are coming for your assets either way. Click here now to see how to stop them in their tracks.

Selling gold and other precious metals that you can bury in the backyard or hide in your anus when the stormtroopers come to seize your guns and tactical cargo pants. I gave these folks my phone number so I could read their “report”, and got a call from an enthusiastic salesman within five minutes.

There are many more examples: Biden’s Digital Dollar Destroys Freedom, Biden’s CBDC Scheme: Seizing Control of Your Money?, Secret Gov’t Warning Goes Viral, and in a tip of the camo ball cap to senior MAGAs, Alzheimer’s Quick Test: Is Your Bedroom Organized This Way? (based on what I’ve read, older people are a key demographic for these ads.)

You might wonder what the big deal is — don’t all advertisers lie? I bought X-ray glasses from the back of a comic book once and never saw a single nipple.

And sure, advertising is often deceptive and drives a destructive consumerism which may well extinguish human life on Earth.

But it generally appeals to the positive, if grasping, side of our nature— buy the thing and you’ll be young/pretty/healthy/environmentally friendly.

What The Blaze pitches is hateful, dark, and dangerous. The message is clear, even if not always explicit: someone wants to hurt you, and the only way you can protect yourself is by buying our product. The ads sow social division so they can flog useless crap to angry, paranoid people — people who are angry and paranoid because they get their news from sources like The Blaze.

It’s a repellent but effective symbiosis between advertiser and media, with both profiting from lies and conflict.

Once upon a time, con artists travelled from town to town selling magic snake oil from the back of a wagon. Back then the scammers would only harm the people who bought their product. Nowadays they can take down a whole country.