52 DAYS OF FITNESS CHALLENGE: DAY 23

What I’ve Learned From My Previous Weight Loss Failures (And Successes)

Can the lessons of my past help me over this weight loss hump?

Do you see the lovely bride in the photo above?

Yeah. That wasn’t me.

When I got married 23 years ago, I — like all brides — dreamt of looking slender and delicate and like a sweet feminine flower in my beautiful, expensive dress.

That meant that I would have to lose about 20 pounds before the big day.

And… I failed.

Not “couldn’t fit into my beautiful dress” failed, but “didn’t look like the delicate, wasp-waisted bride of little girls’ dreams and 23 years later, still don’t really enjoy looking at my wedding photos” failed.

Just like I am failing now, at my current attempt to lose 10 pounds in preparation for my vacation in five weeks’ time.

Yes, I’m failing.

And I’m frustrated.

And I’m annoyed with myself.

And this morning, I even considered saying screw it to it all. Who cares if I don’t lose this weight? What does it matter? Wouldn’t I rather just relax and eat what I want and enjoy my life?

Man, it’s tempting to throw in the towel.

But then I remembered something: When I didn’t lose that weight for my wedding, I regretted it.

Regret. It’s awful.

And I’m worried that if I don’t lose at least a little bit of weight before this vacation, I will experience it again.

We are going to Japan. It’s an expensive, somewhat complicated journey. I imagine we’ll only do it once.

I want to make the most of it.

I want to feel physically unencumbered and energetic and like I can fit into small spaces if necessary.

I want to look at the tons of photos we’ll inevitably take, and smile.

So upon reflection — 23 years’ worth of it — I see some lessons in my failure to lose weight at a time when it was very important to me.

Here they are:

Lesson #1: Stress Is My Enemy

Anyone who has planned a wedding knows how stressful and overwhelming it can be.

For us, the task consumed every weekend of our lives for months, and left little time for anything else, including proper food preparation and exercise.

We were stressed and exhausted, and we released the tension by ordering takeout and flopping on the couch. Not the smart or healthy choice, but all I had the bandwidth for at the time.

I’m much more aware now of the mental health benefits of exercise, and also of the regret (there’s that word again) that can come from making poor food choices.

Which isn’t to say that I don’t succumb to the medicinal properties of eating a bowl of ice cream while watching Breaking Bad.

Believe me, I do. But less often then I once did.

I’m learning, see?

Lesson #2: The Choice To Lose Or Not Lose Weight Is Mine (And Only Mine)

My then-fiance and now-husband, God love him, has never cared about what I weigh. He didn’t care 23 years ago, a handful of months before our wedding, and he doesn’t care now.

That’s a blessing and I know how lucky I am.

But at the time of our wedding preparations, I let this loving but laissez-faire attitude influence me. If my groom thought I was perfect the way I was, wasn’t that all that mattered?

It wasn’t. And it never should be.

What matters most is how I feel about myself.

And if I say I need to lose 10 pounds in order to feel my best, then I need to lose 10 pounds in order to feel my best.

It’s not up for debate.

Lesson #3: It Ain’t Over ’Til It’s Over

As our wedding drew nearer and I continued to not lose weight (I think I actually gained), the discouragement mounted.

About a month out, I no longer saw the point of losing what I could in that short period of time.

Three or four pounds wasn’t going to make a difference, I believed. So bring on those stress-releasing cheeseburgers.

And you know what? Maybe those three or four pounds wouldn’t have made a huge difference in how I looked.

But I believe they would have made a difference in how I felt.

I think that continuing to try would have furnished me with a little confidence, a little more swagger in my step (a swaggering bride? Why not?)

And it would given me a little momentum to continue to try to lose weight after the wedding. Because weddings, after all, are just one day, and your whole life is waiting for you on the other side of them.

I did drop that weight eventually — on my own timeline, when life got less stressful, and when I found the courage of my convictions to understand what was best for myself.

Point being, that if there’s a lesson in my weight loss failure, there’s also proof in my weight loss success: that I can do it if I want to badly enough.

So Now… A Confession, And A Declaration

Today is Tuesday. It’s supposed to be weigh-in day.

I didn’t weigh myself this morning.

I know that I haven’t lost weight, and I rather suspect I’ve gained.

I knew the weekend was going to be difficult. I didn’t eat excessively, but I certainly wouldn’t say that I ate mindfully, and things were busy and I wasn’t able to fit in a workout.

That’s okay. It’s okay.

Remember Lesson #3 from above? There’s still time.

I have four more weeks. It’s not as much time as I’d like.

But it’s still time. I won’t lose the full 10 pounds. But even if I lose four or five, I’ll feel better.

So I’m starting from where I am today, and I’m re-committing to what I said I was going to do: exercise regularly, eat mindfully, weigh myself regularly.

So please check back on Friday for an update.

And thanks so much for reading.

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