What I’ve Learned from Financially Supporting My Entire Family at 18

When life gives you lemons, sell them to cover your rent.

Our grand life plans don’t always go the way we expect. When I was 18, I ended up in a situation where I had to take full financial responsibility for both of my parents. What made this situation complicated is we lived in one of the most expensive cities in Canada — in fact, all around the world.

It was quite a challenge and a little bit stressful. That said, this experience taught me a lot about life, family values, and what is essential.

How Did We End Up Here?

If you ask any immigrant, what did it take to succeed in a new country, you will probably hear an inspiring story of how they had to start from scratch and rise to spectacular success. Some of us succeed more than others, but overall, everyone is striving to build a decent life for themselves. And that requires a lot of effort and planning.

Unfortunately, my parents did not have a plan whatsoever. They were naively oblivious to what they needed to do after our plane landed in Canada. They had this utopic expectation of moving their assets to the new country, which would allow them not to work and live off their investments.

Here’s the kicker: by the time we moved to Canada, there was almost no money to take with us. The little savings my mom and dad had, were spent in a matter of a year and a half. Unfortunately, while I was working out a short- and long-term plan to study and build a career, they didn’t bother thinking about it. I intended to find a job, start paying for all of my expenses, work day and night, and to support myself until the rest of my life altogether. What I did not count on was supporting the entire family, while my parents simply stayed home and were not looking for a job.

I see absolutely no point in complaining about life, reminiscing on how well I lived before or laying in bed feeling sorry for myself.

Getting Off Your High Horse Can Be a Challenge.

I’m a humble person who doesn’t mind doing dirty work if she has to. I see absolutely no point in complaining about life, reminiscing on how well I lived before or laying in bed feeling sorry for myself. While it’s essential to take care of your mental health and confront the emotions, you need to collect yourself, remind the world who you are, and keep going.

My parents couldn’t accept their idealistic plan didn’t work out, and they now had to join thousands of other immigrants who worked simple jobs. I suppose it was easy for me to go and work for a store at 18, compared to someone who has had success in their life before. But the truth is, sometimes life gives you lemons. You cannot just sit and cry over them! If you are at a point when you have to collect shopping carts or wash cars for a living — just go and do it. You can work on something else in the meantime, such as a new business idea, but you still need to pay for food and rent. Being hungry and homeless is not a very good perspective.

I Wish There Was Someone to Teach Me.

Most of the things I know I’ve learned through the Internet. It is an irreplaceable tool that changed many lives for the best. Unfortunately, back then, The Internet did not have as many resources. There were some, but I didn’t know how to navigate them yet. Add a new environment at a new country to the mix — and you’ll see why looking for a job presented a challenge for me at 18.

I should point out that I started doing side hustles at the age of 14, but it didn’t help me much after immigration. I threw myself into the job market, applying for the jobs nonstop, hoping to land one as soon as possible. At that point, we only had enough money to afford one month of rent and maybe two months’ worth of groceries. I wish there were someone to introduce me to the job search process, but there was almost no one. Ironically, the job agencies proved to be quite useless.

My Mom Told Me to Find a Rich Guy.

I remember one day, I decided to give myself a break, as I’ve been applying for jobs every day, many hours a day, and started to feel burned out. So, I chose to have a day off to regroup and continue this task tomorrow. At that point, I applied for 100 or so jobs.

My mother, who didn’t even consider looking for employment and expected me to find it instead, was quite unhappy about it. In her opinion, I should have been looking for a job all the time, all day long. She saw my attempt to take care of my mental health as a sign of laziness.

“If you don’t want to work, you should find a rich guy who would agree to support you,” she said.

I have no idea where that came from, as I never wanted to take advantage of anyone else. I have always seen myself as an equal partner, and that applied to finances as well. I don’t even like it when guys pay for me at the restaurants, let alone when someone presents me with an idea of a rich man supporting my lifestyle. Did my mom also expect that fictional guy to support her and my dad? Should I have indulged in prostitution, because my parents were too scared and lost to consider searching for work?

My mom’s statement left me dumbfounded. To be fair, when I was a kid, all she taught me was being pretty to ensure I can pick a good husband who will take care of my financial needs. In hindsight, I should have seen the “rich guy” comment coming.

When your family is on the verge of being homeless, it probably makes more sense to put your dreams on hold and find a real job.

My Dad Was Floating in the Sky.

My father is a smart man with an entrepreneurial mind. He succeeded in building a great business when he had nothing. The problem was, he did not recognize the time when he should have suppressed his sense of pride, and applied for a cashier kind of job. You don’t have to be a high executive to pay for your basic expenses. And when your family is on the verge of being homeless, it probably makes more sense to put your dreams on hold and find a real job. Unfortunately, that did not happen.

I Found a Job and Paid for Everything.

Right before we entirely run out of money, I suddenly got a job offer. It was pure luck, and the company which hired me would hire anyone. But it was precisely what I needed right now, despite earning almost a minimum wage. It was enough to pay for rent, food, and my parent’s car payments. And no, they did not give up their car, despite not having a job. Using public transportation was not an option for my father.

I was lucky that the accounting department allowed me not to deduct any taxes from my paycheque. It’s been eight years, and no other employer was willing to see me do that. If it wasn’t for the absence of tax deductions, there was no way my family would be able to eat.

So, I spent the next eight or so months paying for every single thing. I was also attempting to save money for my education, which meant I was working for 50 to 60 hours a week. As a young person, that wasn’t extremely challenging, but in two years, I don’t recall feeling even remotely rested. But that was what I had to do. Living in an expensive city on a nearly minimum wage meant, unless you work crazy hours, you won’t be able to survive.

No Changes Occurred for a While.

My dad kept trying to come up with a genius idea for his own business. He even got himself into a business venture with a shady partner and refused to hear that he should drop it. Naturally, that partner left him with nothing and disappeared sometime around Christmas. Unfortunately, even after that, my father chose not to look for work. He just stayed home and searched the Internet for ideas.

After about eight months since I started working, my mother decided she should make the biggest sacrifice of her life and look for a job for the first time ever. She got a part-time job as a salesperson at a local store — a position that she would have obtained at any point within a day, had she asked for it earlier. Both of my parents celebrated my mom’s bravery. The sad part was, my dad still wasn’t rushing to seek employment.

All this continued for another year.

You are your best hope, and you should always count on yourself. You may rely on others, but ideally, you need to be your own hero first and foremost.

What I Have Learned:

Despite all the difficulties, this wasn’t the most challenging period of my life. Sometimes, you just have to man up, accept the reality, and make a few sacrifices. I consider it an opportunity to learn valuable lessons. Here is what I learned:

• You should never expect your family has to assume responsibility, even when they should.
• You shouldn’t be mad at your parents for being scared and lost. It happens to people when they are not preparing themselves for hardships and don’t have a plan B.
• You are your best hope, and you should always count on yourself. You may rely on others, but ideally, you need to be your own hero first and foremost.
• You are not beneath doing things you never expected to do. It may entail working crazy hours as an 18-year-old, or waiting tables. We all need to make sacrifices once in a while.
• Don’t listen to your mother when she suggests finding a rich man. As Cher once said, “I am a rich man.” It may not be true right away, but you have time to make it a reality.
• Be humble, compassionate, understanding, and forgiving. People make mistakes, and sometimes those people are the ones closest to you.
• Forgive your parents no matter what. After all, they were doing their best — or at least they were trying to do something good.
• Sometimes, despite the sourness of lemons, a low point of your life can teach you the most valuable lessons.
• It’s unreasonable to expect ups and have no downs. Life is not a utopia, and sometimes it hits us hard.
• Family means everything, while money is simply a security instrument.

I sincerely hope that my story didn’t seem upsetting. I was grateful for the opportunity to learn valuable life lessons. By the end of the day, my goal has always been to be truly financially independent once I find my first full-time job. This is precisely what happened!

Sure, I did not expect to take care of both of my fully capable parents, but life doesn’t work out the way we want to. I am glad I got a chance to be the superwoman, so to speak, and support my family in the time of difficulty.

I suppose any one of us can unexpectedly feel scared and give up. And having someone who can take care of them during that time, is priceless.