What It’s Like to Stay Single Forever

My great aunt Sandi is 76 and she’s never been married. This is her story.

My great aunt Sandi is 76 and she’s never been married.

She’s a very charismatic woman. I’m told she was very beautiful when she was younger. When you talk to her, she still has a mischievous sparkle in her eyes.

Relatives say my great aunt had many boyfriends throughout her life. She was even engaged once, but ultimately she never settled down with a man. Everyone always wondered why she never got married. People speculated of course, but no one ever asked her.

Until my sister did.

“Sandi, how come you never got married?” she asked.

Sandi looked a taken aback at my sister’s question. Nobody was sure if she was upset or not; nobody knew if she’d even answer the question. But then, she let out a soft smile as she began to recount her life story.

“I never wanted to get married when I was younger. Life was too much fun. I traveled to India and Europe with my friends and I even lived in London for a while! Those travels were some of the happiest moments of my life. I was free to pick up and move on as I pleased without asking anyone,” she said.

“Of course, I had boyfriends along the way. They were all nice young men. But, all of them wanted to settle down and start a family! I wasn’t ready to settle down quite yet,” Sandi continued. “Five different men proposed to me. Five! I even got engaged once. He was a wonderful man, but he asked me to stop traveling so much so we could start a life together. He wanted three kids right off the bat! I simply wasn’t ready to do that.”

“When I was finally ready to start a life in the U.S., I found a couple of female roommates and we lived together. A couple suitors did approach me, but I realized I had become too used to being alone! It was hard for me to live with roommates, I had become so used to being in control of my own house instead of sharing the control with others. I couldn’t imagine sharing a home with a man for the rest of my life. So, the majority of my 76 years of life have been alone…”

My great aunt’s voice trailed off. It seemed she was done with her story.

But, my sister wasn’t done yet. “Do you think it’s better to live single or married throughout life?”

Sandi stared at my sister as she thought for a moment. Then, she answered, “Well, I’ve certainly had more adventures than my siblings who all got married. I traveled often when I was younger and I experienced so many wonderful things. I lived in London and Norway while my sister was raising children in a small house in North Dakota. I met so many amazing people and experienced so many different cultures which is a part of my life I really loved.”

“On the other hand, my lack of partner or family meant I spent a lot of holidays alone. Thanksgiving, Easter, and Christmas are all holidays most people spend with their families. Sure, I’d get invited over on Christmas Eve and Day for dinner, but most of the holiday season I’d spend by myself. I never had children to come visit me or a husband to spend time with. I will admit I did get lonely, especially during the holidays. Luckily, I had a couple of single or divorced friends to spend time with. But, it wasn’t quite the same as being surrounded by family.”

“However, I’ve realized my lack of family saved me a lot of pain and trouble. A lot of my friends went through very painful divorces. They’re single now, like me, but they carry a burden or bitterness that I’ll never have. Their partners have separated from them and they have to learn how to live without them after years and years of living together. Some lost everything.”

“I’ve also had friends who have had spouses suddenly die or become ill. They’re left alone and now have no idea how to live without a partner. It’s been super painful for them. But me? I’ve always been alone, I’ve never known another way of living. There’s nothing painful about it.”

“Children are another story,” she continued. “I have had friends or family members who were great parents to children who developed drug problems, went to jail, or died overdosing on drugs or getting into car accidents. Those families have been ripped apart by a lost child. Their parents have been devastated wondering what they could have done differently. I’ve been grateful that I’ll never have to go through that.”

“On the other hand, I’ve seen children be the greatest blessings to their parents. They’ve accomplished wonderful things and made their parents so proud. I’ve often been jealous of the bond that parents and children have; I have sometimes regretted never having a child. It’s a form of love and care I’ll never get to experience.”

“But, my lack of a husband and children allowed me to have very close friendships. My married siblings had few friends and none of them had friendships as close as I did. When you raise a family, you’re so busy that close friendships often have to be sacrificed. It’s something a lot of people don’t realize you have to give up for a family before they have children. I’m very thankful for the numerous and wonderful friendships I’ve had throughout my life. I wouldn’t have been able to have them without being single. There wouldn’t have been enough time to cultivate all of them.”

“People have always judged me. Throughout my life, people have asked me ‘When are you going to get married?’ Even now, at the age of 76, they still ask if I want to get married! The answer is no. I’m comfortable like this. I’ve lived alone my whole life and I’ll continue to do so. I couldn’t imagine getting married right now.”

“To answer your question, if I had to do it over again, I think I’d still remain single. My single life was a blessing and I got to live life how I wanted. However, I might have adopted some children in my 40’s. I like kids and I think I would have made a great mom. I admit I’ve been jealous of the love I’ve seen between moms and their kids and I still wish I could have experienced that.”

“Overall, I can’t say if it’s better to remain single or get married. For me, being single was really good. I can’t say I’d change a thing although my life wasn’t perfect.”

“Some of my friends wish they’d never been married. A lot of my friends can’t imagine living a life without their partner. I’ve seen marriages transform a couple into better, more well rounded people and I’ve seen marriages destroy others. Both sides have their pros and cons; both sides have risks. It all depends on the person, the decisions they make, and the circumstances life throws at them.”