What it’s Like To Have a Double Mastectomy and Reconstructive Surgery

My breast cancer diagnosis and journey through two surgeries

Do you want to go back in time and take a cancer journey with me?

I often refer to this time as a blip. It was just a little thing, that was huge at the time, that I had to go through.

People often feel very sorry for me that I went through this, but honestly, I’ve been through so much worse than now, it’s not that big of a deal.

Not to downplay cancer AT ALL, this is just my experience. When they told me that I got the best cancer possible, now I can see why they said this. At the time, I looked at the doctors like they were crazy.

The summer of 2011 was ending and my daughters were getting ready to go back to school. My older daughter was 7 and my younger was almost 5.

It was early September and blazing hot here in sunny southern California.

The new school year started for them and they loved their teachers. I had just hit a year of sobriety, and life was so good at our house. The pink cloud they speak of was still ever-present.

You might be thinking, what does this have to do with cancer? Well, it doesn’t. I just wanted to take you back in time to show you how happy our life was and how abruptly things can take a turn for the worse.

In October, we all participated in the Susan B. Koman breast cancer walk with my mom’s friend, who recently survived breast cancer. She’d been through surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation.

If it hadn’t been for our family friend enduring breast cancer, I’m not sure I would have begun with the home breast exams. I was only 33 years old.

My home breast exams began earlier in the year and I actually felt something. I was shocked!! But, an ultrasound just showed a little cyst that they would monitor.

The week following our walk, I had a follow-up appointment with my doctor. They wanted to do another ultrasound to view and monitor the cyst. If you’ve ever been diagnosed with something, you’ve seen the “look” on the doctor’s face when something isn’t right.

She said, “We see some calcifications here”. She pointed to the ultrasound machine and printed out a copy. “Although, many women have calcifications and it’s nothing to worry about. We will have to perform a biopsy to rule out any problems.”

She told me not to worry, and I tried not to, but I also read as much as I could online.

A week later, I was at the hospital and ready for the biopsy. This was the most bizarre medical procedure. You lay on a table, face down, that has two holes cut out for your boobs to fall through.

“Don’t move and stay as still as possible”, I hear as my whole body is shaking. It was a quick procedure and I was on my way. My breast was sore afterward but nothing to complain about.

“We’ll call you with the results, it will probably be next week.” Great.

Next week was my daughter’s 5th birthday and we were headed to Disneyland. I was hoping to get through that without any bad news.

On her birthday, we headed out to Disneyland and I wasn’t thinking that I hadn’t heard from them yet. I was too wrapped up in her birthday to notice. Although, I received a phone call from the doctor while she was taking a picture with a Disney princess.

“Michele, we need you to please come in and see the doctor at your earliest convenience.”

They wouldn’t give me the results over the phone. But, I already knew. If it was negative, why would they need to bring me in? I asked for the results and they informed me that is not their practice.

I went to the bathroom and sobbed. I never was a glass-half-full type of person, so I went right into a negative headspace. I came out and told my husband, but we put on a happy face for our daughters.

The following day, we headed back to the doctor for the official results.

She says, “We found ductal carcinoma in situ…. and blah, blah, blah.” I didn’t hear anything else and at first, I thought, “What the hell is she talking about?” She goes on, “It’s between a stage 0–1 and we will only know once we do an MRI.”

My head was spinning, my ears ringing, and my vision got blurry. It was almost as if I was going to faint but then I snapped out of it. How could I have cancer when I was so healthy and sober? It went from sobbing to completely angry.

The following week, I had my MRI. I felt like I was stuck in that loud tube forever. It’s not a pleasant place to be in, especially if you get a little claustrophobic. I cried the whole time, must have been an hour, at least that is what it felt like. Trapped and forced to sit with my emotions.

The results were in and it was in fact cancer but they were still unsure of the stage and would have to get margins during surgery. She was positive that it was “in situ”, meaning it hadn’t spread out of the milk ducts.

So, it was in the earliest stages and most likely, I would not have chemotherapy. They would be more certain after the surgery. Now, I had to decide what I wanted to do. I was presented with a few options.

Since I was so young, yes I was 33 years old, there were more factors to consider. I could get a lumpectomy, but because I was so young, I had a much higher chance (30%) of getting breast cancer again if I still had my breast tissue. Or, I could get a double mastectomy and that would reduce my chances to a 1% reoccurrence.

I already knew what I should do but I took a few days to really think about it. First, my breasts were an almost non-existent “a” cup, and second, I didn’t want to go through this again.

My husband and I agreed that I should go through with the double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. They wouldn’t do it all at once, so I would have two separate surgeries. This is when the huge blip started.

I scheduled my first surgery for the end of November. I could have waited until after the holidays but we’d already met our deductible and this just made sense financially.

The day came and I was terrified. I’d never been under general anesthesia and after I signed my directives, I balled. I hoped and prayed this wouldn’t be my last breath. I kept reminding myself that people have surgeries all the time. But, I’d never even broken a bone so, of course, I was worried.

The surgery went as planned and all of my breast tissue was removed and replaced with tissue expanders. I woke up groggy and out of it. But surprisingly, I wasn’t in a ton of pain.

It must have been the morphine. I loved that morphine drip and clicked that sucker until it ran out. (Remember, I’m an addict at heart)

I didn’t even care if I was sober anymore. Give me all the pain meds. What I didn’t realize would be so awful, was the drains.

Ugh, the dreaded drains.

I won’t go into detail here because it’s so disgusting but you have to change the gross “stuff” that comes out of them and measure to keep a log. My husband loved that duty.

They were in for a week. I couldn’t shower, and these are things that I remember well, weirdly enough. I felt so gross. I continued and overused the pain meds at home, and I was so depressed. I couldn’t do anything or work out, so that brought my mood down.

The following week and every week after, I went in to get my breast expanders inflated. They had to expand slowly, which is why it took about 2 months to get them to the desired size.

Hell, if I had to go through this and I never had boobs before, I was going to get the max expansion.

I wish I would go back now and change that because I hate them.

Anyway, the time came for the next procedure and they said getting the implants would be a cakewalk. Small incisions, and implants inserted, and I would be on my way home. It was an outpatient procedure.

After this surgery, I woke up in a panic and in so much pain. I was crying (out loud and very loud) but they didn’t really seem concerned as most people wake up with different emotions.

Then, I noticed the drains. Not the drains again!! I cried even more.

We headed home and I couldn’t handle the pain. I was a hot mess but thankfully I had a bottle full of Percocet that allowed me to sleep it off. Then, the tightness started and it was a feeling that freaked me out. I thought something was really off.

I was worried, tired, and still very upset from the procedure, and the dreaded drains. So, I think the stress added to my bodies reaction from the implants, and after a phone call from the doctor, she said this is a normal reaction.

A week passed and it was finally time to get the drains out. This was the most painful process of them all. I don’t know why it didn’t hurt after my previous surgery but I screamed when she removed them.

I got to see my breasts for the first time since surgery and I was not happy. They were too big, looked like giant balloons, and one of my nipples faces the right instead of forward.

I looked weird but she ensured me that they would settle down. Sadly, they didn’t settle as I would have liked and my nipple never went back to normal but I just accepted it. I wasn’t about to go have another surgery.

12 years later and I still don’t want another surgery. I’m sure I have a little PTSD from those days. I know I need to go in soon but I keep putting it off. Don’t judge me.

Yearly MRIs followed and cancer, knock on wood, never returned. I didn’t need to undergo chemotherapy or radiation, so I was extremely lucky. I learned just how vain I was when I had thoughts of losing all my hair. I do feel blessed and grateful now.

So, phew… that was a lot longer than I thought it would be. And, I left so many things out. If you got this far and I didn’t bore the shit out of you, thank you for going on my breast cancer ride with me.

It was a blip in my life. I rarely think about it anymore but I hope that if someone needed help by me putting this out there, then my good deed of the day is done.

Please comment with any questions if you are going through something similar. I know google can tell you everything but I always love real-life experiences.

Like the bumper stickers say, “F*CK CANCER!”

My sweet friends and family made me this blanket. Each person wrote on a square and my mom sewed it all together. It will always be so special to me.

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Thanks for reading!

Much love, Michele