What It’s Like To Be The First-Born Of A Broken Family

Summary

The first-born child of a broken family reflects on their role, the emotional toll of their responsibilities, and the societal expectation to be strong and composed.

Abstract

The author of the article shares a poignant account of their experience as the eldest child in a family that has faced the departure of their mother. The narrative delves into the complexities of being a first-born, including the expectation to lead and support the family emotionally and financially. Despite the struggle to find their own purpose amidst these challenges, the author acknowledges moments of vulnerability and the need for recognition of their own fragility. The article emphasizes the silent battles faced by the author, the pressure to maintain a strong facade, and the journey towards acceptance and resilience, while also celebrating the strength of all first-born children in similar circumstances.

Opinions

First-born children are often expected to exhibit leadership and responsibility, sometimes at the expense of acknowledging their own emotional struggles.
The author feels a deep sense of responsibility to ensure the family's well-being, which has intensified since their mother left.
The societal and familial pressures on the first-born can lead to a personal crisis in identity and purpose, as the author describes their relentless pursuit of a meaningful role within the family.
The author expresses a desire for understanding and acknowledgment from their family, particularly regarding the silent struggles they have faced for years.
The article conveys a sense of exhaustion from constantly having to be strong, coupled with the longing to be comforted and allowed to express vulnerability.
Despite the challenges, the author has learned to balance emotional investment with rational decision-making, leading to personal growth and the ability to see a broader perspective.
There is an underlying message of solidarity and encouragement for all first-born children who are navigating the complexities of their role in a broken family.

The years of silent battles.

Have you ever been to a conversation that unlocked the coppery door of the past? Ghosts from years ago that suddenly jumped out at you? Well, I just have one with my youngest brother Dale. My heart has been pressed and crumpled. The pain was refreshingly old, I mean it was kind of new but it felt familiar. At this very moment, my eyes are dropping vulnerabilities —morsels of distress that I thought I have already resisted.

The conversation we had earlier was a clear picture of our fragility and honest emotional struggle. He opened up his wounded heart to me and I saw a tired but persistent warrior. It has reminded me of my role as a first-born of the family —a broken one.

First-born children naturally hold strong leadership and deemed to be the most responsible among all the other siblings. Yes, it is great to be named like that but it somehow blocks our valid point of view —our sentiments, expressions, and even our worth.

Constantly chasing after your purpose

The race of finding my purpose in life started when I was eleven. Back then, I was in fifth grade, the same year when our mother left and it made us be counted to those thousand broken families out there. My young and innocent mind has shifted to a more dramatic and mature level of thinking.

Sure, we still have our father beside us but that doesn’t mean that I have to forget to stand up for my role as the eldest. I have to work on my responsibility to keep our family comfortable and healthy —physically and mentally. For the past thirteen years, I’ve been running around and round, lurking into the circle of failure and drowning myself down to the idea that I have to save my family in every setback. I don’t know where exactly I’m heading to. I have lost my track in searching for my purpose. It was like, every second of my family’s discomfort also lessens my value.

“Ate, I feel bad that our father is still working hard. He’s getting older”

Upon reading that text of my brother, I cried. It pinched me to the core. It’s been four years since I graduated from college, it’s been a while though and by now my family should already have the comfort of life and a secured financial table. Enough for my father to just stay at home, listening to the classics of Air Supply while watering his orchids at the backyard, and give my brothers a decent education.

Maybe, I just have to savor every second of the race until I ace it.

Your fragility is being overlooked

Your tears are meaningless. You’ll never be granted a free ticket for a vulnerable escapade. You’re the first-born. You’re not allowed to show weakness. You should portray a composed and strong figure.

But I broke down while conversing with my brother. I dropped the fragmented pieces of glass I’ve been holding unto my heart for years.

“You have no idea of the silent battles that I’ve been through for the past thirteen years. I have kept myself from any utterances about my struggles because I don’t want to bother our family especially Papa.”

I said those words because I can sense the rage on the tone of his messages. He’s partly blaming me for the difficulties of our family.

They are under the impression that the first-borns are strong and capable of healing themselves on their own. Yes, we are, but once in forever, we yearn for you or for someone to pat our shoulders and make us feel that we are deemed to wear our hearts on our sleeves. That we can be vulnerable too.

What a whirlwind it’s been. Being the first-born since 1995, I have made myself assumed that I’m perfectly fine. I tend to set aside my emotional interest just to uphold the kind of aura that every first-born should express and portray —it’s extremely challenging plus the fact that I belong to a broken family. Every rock seems at the top of my chest, piled up.

However, those are merely the fractions of life’s endless game. Over time, I have endured to put my head into the match and not solely my heart. It has helped me along the process of bringing the best version of myself. It has permitted my eyes to look at the vaster perspective of the matter and come up with a sound decision —minimizing setbacks.

Cheers to every brave first-born out there!