Humor

What It Was Like to Be a Grandchild at a Top Grandma Company

Perks included extra-pocket money, additional Christmas presents, and unlimited cocoa

I worked as a grandson for eighteen years at a top Grandma company. It was a part-time job, generally during the weekends, a Wednesday afternoon here and there, nothing more. The job was pretty simple. It was mostly about eating sweets and having fun outside.

These were great things to do, but not my favorite part. What I loved best was cocoa-time when I was supposed to sit at the table with my designated Grandma and talk with her.

Some wanted to know how school went (“gooood”), others asked me if I liked the cocoa (“gooood”), but the best ones, they talked, and talked, and talked; without end. They told me everything! Not everything I wanted to know. They barely, if ever, asked for guidance or my opinion. No, they told me everything they wanted to say but never had the opportunity. They shared with me all these powerful moments that had laid deep inside their hearts, sometimes for decades. With time, these carbon atoms of emotions had crystallized into diamonds. It was raw.

We’d been selected for these moments. Eating sweets and playing outside came pretty easy for most of us. But what kept this Grandma Company at the top of its game was the ability to hire excellent listeners for their premium grandchildren program.

Excellent listeners were the ones so focused on their cocoas they wouldn’t remember anything their Grandma said. Grandmas had specific instructions to make the cocoas just a tiny tad bit too hot so that we’ll be continuously silently blowing on them and loudly slurping at regular intervals. Bringing the cocoa at the right temperature could easily guarantee Grandmas an extra fifteen minutes of ramblings.

These were the good old days.

For a long time, I hoped my children would, in turn, be hustling for a top Grandma company. So many life lessons and free cocoas to grab.

Sadly, these days are over.

Like in many other lines of business, internet revolutionized the game. Grandmas can now talk their heart out on TikTok and make money out of it. They can even add fake cocoa slurping sounds in the background if they want.

Here’s me wishing all Grandmas the very best. I’ll be slurping some cocoa in your honor tonight.