What Does It Really Mean To Have “An Addictive Personality”?
A simple shift in perception can make a massive difference
We all know someone who claims to have “an addictive personality”. Maybe that person is you. That’s probably why you clicked on this article. Yeah, it’s probably you. And please don’t feel ashamed about it, because I’m about to introduce you to my theory about personality and addiction that has completely reframed how I view my own and other people’s mental health. It’s catapulted me from shame spirals into a much more positive outlook, and dare I say, even a sense of pride.
Examining The Connection Between Creativity And Mental Health
It’s a widely established belief that certain personality traits make us more prone to addiction. I, too, for a long time thought that my addictions were driven by my impulsive nature, my perfectionism, my apathy, and my inability to self-regulate.
And I’m not arguing that there’s no connection between those things and addiction. There certainly is. But when we look behind what those attributes mean, and more importantly, where they stem from, we will find much more revealing answers.
In my personal experience, my perfectionism, apathy, and compulsivity all originated from the core belief about myself that I wasn’t enough. And that core belief was the direct result of an experience that, due to my sensitivity, traumatized me. More on that later.
As I learned more and more about addiction through also the lens of other people, I began to notice patterns. One of them was the prominent link between creativity and mental illness. I can’t recount how many podcasts I listened to in which an incredibly creative person was talking about their mental health struggles. Why was it so common for creative people to struggle with their mental health? Why was it always musicians, writers, actors, and other artists struggling with substance abuse, and rarely politicians, CEOs, or lawyers?
When I read Glennon Doyle’s best-selling “Untamed”, one sentence caught my attention that hasn’t left my consciousness since:
“The sensitivity that led me to addiction is the same sensitivity that makes me a really good artist.”
I read this around the same time I was beginning to acknowledge my own sensitivity, and it triggered a huge shift in perception. I began to view the part of me that drove towards addictive patterns not as this impulsive, uncontrollable, inner beast, but rather as a deeply sensitive, unexpressed, disconnected, and unacknowledged part of me, crying for acceptance. Crying for expression.
What If Addiction Is Not A Brain Disease, But Fundamentally Related To One’s Sensitivity?
In “The Biology of Desire”, former drug addict-turned-neuroscientist Marc Lewis establishes the thesis that addiction is not a brain disease. Instead, he argues that the brain is doing exactly what it was designed to do — seek pleasure and avoid pain — albeit in harmful ways that were certainly not intended.
So how is it that for some people “the brain doing what it’s designed to do” permits them to live a healthy life with the occasional drink, some sweets here and there without going overboard, a fun night at the casino — while for others, the same substances or activities drive them into alcoholism, binge eating, or gambling addiction?
One possibility could be that part of the answer lies in the sensitivity of your nervous system. There’s still little research done on this, but some is on the way.
What if part of the reason that one person compulsively seeks escape in the same substance that brings another person only occasional joy is that the sensitive person is more frequently overwhelmed with their environment and external stimuli? To one, the glass of wine may be a fun way to let loose a little, to another the same glass of wine may be a relief from an overwhelming amount of overstimulation from their environment. Same quantity, but very different intentions, and with that, very different consequences.
So how are highly sensitive humans different?
Elaine A. Aron, who coined the term “Highly Sensitive Person” (HSP), explains that HSPs exhibits certain characteristics, such as:
- Being deeply moved by beauty
- Easily overwhelmed by external stimuli
- Require a lot of downtime
- Have a rich and complex inner life
Any of that sound like you?
There are HSPs, and then there are empaths, which are even further down the scale of sensitivity.
In “The Empath’s Survival Guide” Judith Orloff, MD, drills down to investigate those who are not only sensitive to external stimuli but also to the emotional world of the beings around them.
If the individual is not aware of their predicament, this becomes a problem. Because when one is not intentionally “protecting” themselves from an overwhelming environment, it’s easy to seek relief from the overstimulation after the fact. As Dr. Orloff describes:
If a person isn’t aware that he or she is an empath, everyday interactions that others find tolerable could be causing an empath stress. Those who are not aware of their empathic abilities may be inclined to use food, alcohol, and drugs to unconsciously numb their emotions.
The distinction between a highly sensitive person and an empath is irrelevant to the argument we’re trying to make here. You get the idea.
I’d simply argue that if we were to examine those struggling with addiction, there's a high likelihood we’d find that many of them are highly sensitive adults.
And highly sensitive adults, whether in disguise or not, usually grew up being highly sensitive children.
So what happens? How does one highly sensitive child turn into a genius novelist, while another ends up being an alcoholic?
Are You A Dandelion Or An Orchid?
To answer this question, let’s look at the fascinating research from Berkley University on the “Dandelion” gene.
In a 2005 study, researchers tested for the children’s “biological sensitivity to context” — the context, in this case, being their family environment.
As a result of their research, they crafted the beautifully poetic theory that children fall into one of two categories, dandelions or orchids.
Dandelion children are those who seem to have the capacity to survive and even thrive independently from the circumstances they encounter. In other words, they have psychological resilience. In contrast, Orchid children are extremely sensitive to their environment and are only able to bloom if the conditions are exactly right. If they are neglected, Orchid children are impacted by the neglect much more severely than Dandelion children. Yet on the other hand, if the circumstances are right and children are nurtured properly, they not only survive but flourish.
In the author’s words:
“An orchid child has the potential to become a flower of unusual delicacy and beauty.”
The research further examined the role of a specific gene variant, CHRM2, dubbed as “the orchid gene”.
CHRM2 has previously been studied in the context of finding a genetic predisposition for substance abuse, specifically alcohol dependency.
The astonishing discovery was as expected: the combination of CHRM2 and unfavorable circumstances produced the most negative outcomes — children became aggressive, delinquent, and abused drugs. However, CHRM2 paired with parents incredibly well attuned to the child also produced the best outcomes.
Yes, this was a study on children and teenagers. However — as I learned the painful way during an excruciatingly difficult Ayahuasca ceremony — we adults are often still largely guided by our inner child. Especially if there is a conflict that your inner child hasn’t resolved yet.
High Sensitivity Increases The Impact Of Trauma On Children — My Personal Story
I teased my own rude awakening to my inner child healing that was bound to happen about a year ago, aided by plant medicine. I won’t go into the specifics here, I wrote an entire article on it, but I do want to give you the short paragraph version as an anecdote to tie together this theory.
I’m an incredibly sensitive person, which I was not aware of because, for as long as I can remember, I completely suppressed my sensitivity. I proudly lived as a rational, driven, and self-sufficient type-A overachiever. Ayn Rand was my religion. To the outer world, I appeared happy and accomplished. But in secret, I struggled with addiction for the majority of my 20s. And the fact that I — problem-solver by occupation — was not able to solve my problems was eating at the fabric of my being.
I was also always extremely put off by overly sensitive people. In hindsight, I can see how other people truly are our best mirrors. Whenever something throws you off in another person (assuming it’s not a widely accepted terrible quality or behavior), you can almost be sure that it’s a part of yourself that you’re disowned, keeping it hidden away “in your shadow”.
Ayahuasca brought up a neglected childhood memory of a traumatizing event that instilled the belief that I wasn’t loveable as I was. This belief created a void that I would try to fill with food, alcohol, drugs, and clothes for the next two decades. Being hit by a parent is (unfortunately) not too uncommon, yet it doesn’t turn everyone who it happens to it into an addict.
Yet, it did for me.
What was different?
Trauma is not what happens to you, but how you interpret it.
I believe the specific traumatic event doesn’t hold as much significance as the fact that I was a highly sensitive child. A sensitive child is much more likely to think that something must be wrong with them, not the abuser. Not only was I more hurt by it than another child might have been, but I also did not allow myself to process it sufficiently. In order to become the child that could be fine with it and not care, I had to disown my sensitive nature.
It’s still crazy to me to acknowledge how much this impacted me. I grew up in an incredibly nurturing and loving family. But, as Gabor Mate argues, love is not the same as attunement. You can deeply love someone without being attuned to it. Attunement implies feeling understood by the parent. And while there was absolutely no lack of love, there definitely was a lack of attunement in my upbringing.
If someone doesn’t show their true nature, it’s hard to know what to attune yourself to. I became an unemotional, rational version of myself that didn’t acknowledge a substantial part of my personality, and with that, it became impossible for my parents to provide attunement.
I wasn’t attuned to myself. I didn’t understand myself. And of course, none of this was conscious.
It’s seldomly just one thing that causes the problem. I don’t intend to oversimplify. But I do believe that the combination of my sensitivity, the trauma I experienced, and the lack of attunement were the breeding grounds for the lack of self-esteem that would be the foundation of my addictions.
A Different Way To View The “Addictive Personality” & How To Turn Your Pain Into A Gift
I’ve given you an alternative way to view addicts.
An alternative view to look at yourself, perhaps.
An alternative view I certainly have come to look at myself.
One that has not only given me hope and self-assurance, but also loosened the grip of the incredible amounts of shame that I used to carry around.
Because, if the underlying cause of my addiction is not a damaged brain that’s chronically ill, there may be another way out.
So, looking at my story, I believe these are the traits and experiences that made me more prone to addiction:
- Being highly sensitive and/or being an empath
- Adopting limiting beliefs as the result of traumatic events, which were traumatic to me because of my sensitivity
- Being disconnected from and/or unaware of my true nature and thus unable to honor it
- Taking away the opportunity for others to attune to me, because I was no longer attuned to myself
As a result of the above, my path to recovery revolved around resolving limiting beliefs (trauma-informed healing), acknowledging my sensitivity (self-awareness), and learning to honor it (self-regulation).
As a disclaimer, I’m not saying these are universal causes or solutions. Addiction is incredibly multi-faceted, no two journeys are alike. But I’m sharing this because maybe you’ll find some similarities, maybe some of the framing resonates, maybe pieces of this will help you in your own journey.
It sounds much simpler than it is, of course. I’ve been working on this for years and I can tell you it may be simple, but it is definitely not easy. But if you do it, and learn to cope with your sensitivity in less harmful ways, you’ll be much better positioned to tap into what this all truly means:
Your sensitivity is your greatest gift. It’s what enables you to connect deeply with those around you, and it will be the place from which you will create.
What if you believed that the same thing that drove you into your addiction will be the thing not only sets you free but ultimately allows you to express your creativity and make the world a little better?
The Path Forward Is Promising, Once Your Recognize And Honor Your Orchid Nature
I don’t know if I have the orchid gene. But in all honesty, it doesn’t matter. The prospects of the fruits of my sensitivity that await on the other side of recovery provide an incredible amount of motivation.
I know that my nearly decade-long suffering will not be for no reason. I know that I will eventually find a more rewarding outlet for my sensitivity and the gift of creativity that comes along with it.
Maybe it’s writing, maybe it’s something else.
But this reframe has been instrumental for me in making peace with my past.
When I now read or learn or hear about someone struggling with addiction, I don’t think of desperation or lack of self-control.
Instead, I think, “what a beautiful, sensitive, and creative human must be hidden behind those compulsions — I hope they will eventually be free and enrich the world”.
Because that’s also how I’ve come to think about myself.
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